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overwhelmed

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Hubby passed away 95 days ago and I am now beginning to unravel. Its just too much all at once. Just sorted the cars and then I found out that my landlord's selling so I have to move the girls and myself out in the next 60 days (I was waiting to hear back from the insurers before looking for a house). Last week the bosses laid off one of my colleagues. I have not been able to function at 100% and so am feeling a little insecure about my position. My mum and dad came to live with us last year to help out and after hubby's death they kept at me to get on with life so I never was able to grieve. Now they have gone home I find myself falling apart not because I can't cope with the girls and the household duties and work but because I now have the space to breathe and to let go. Want to curl up and have a good cry but unfortunately don't have the luxury of time. Need to take a deep breath but it keeps getting stuck mid way. And I am anxious all the time. What's that about? I know I'll get through this somehow but am just feeling a little overwhelmed today. Thanks for listening.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Many of us feel this way after the memorial service and everyone goes home. Everybody didn't go home until now for you. Also, you, like me, are still a new widow. I hate that word, but I don't know another one. Unlike me, you have two young children to care for. Anyway, since I belong to a church with a lot of older members, I find myself surrounded by widows. They assure me that it takes much longer than a few months to grieve and come to terms with our losses. Sometimes, everything or even nothing seems to hit me, and I struggle with overwhelming grief. A couple of weeks ago I got really down and ate nothing but jellybeans and potato chips for two days. You don't have the luxury(?) of wallowing. You do have those beautiful little girls to love. I am so sorry that you also have to deal with job concerns and moving. I know you have said before that you have family support and a strong faith community. It's ok to lean on others and ask for help. Put out the word that you are looking for a new place to live. Maybe someone can help take some of the burden of house hunting off you. Tell your daughters' teachers. They might know of something. Hang in there. Fay

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Fay
Thank you for reinforcing for me that what I am feeling is normal. I too have moments of overwhelming grief. I am an independent woman and that is sometimes my undoing. My family has been a great support but at the moment they are harping on how young I am and how I should consider remarriage so I am avoiding them. I have learnt that it is hard to explain the grief I am experiencing to others and thats why this forum has been so helpful. I am a bit of a control freak so i have decided to get moving with looking for a new job and a new house now while I am in charge of these decisions and not when circumstances dictate that I have to.
You take care.
Sangeeta

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Independence is good. I can certainly understand your need to control your working and living conditions. I'm glad you are steering clear of the remarriage question for now. I have known too many people who have jumped into a new relationship too quickly. One of my friends expressed my feelings when she said she wasn't looking for another man right away, if ever. She said she still felt married. Her husband is just away. Maybe those feelings will change, but not now. You will know when the time, if ever, is right for you. Fay

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