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Has Cancer Been ALL Bad For You?

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

This post was started on the Colon Cancer section of the site by me. As of Saturday, Feb 27, at 11:40 pm there were 77 responses. I'm curious what kind of comments I get on this section of the site:

We all either face the effects of cancer or are caregivers to those who do. I think it's safe to say that cancer is not one the the best things that has happened to us.

Have you found something positive that has come out of your cancer diagnosis that you may not have realized if you were not diagnosed with cancer? If so, would you care to share?

I have found that cancer has given me an even greater appreciation for the simpler things in life. The bird chirping, the sunrise/sunset, the way light highlights my wife's face...

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I'm sorry for all you've been through with cancer. It does not discriminate, it causes pain and suffering to all and those around them.
Thank you for posting, I don't imagine it was very easy for you to do.
-phil

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4606
Joined: Feb 2004

Grace I know you are not looking for sympathy so please do not consider this such, consider it friendship of one who has walked a similar path. I have not lost my husband to cancer although he has had a small skin cancer that has grown on him and he has to be checked for it a lot, I have lost many others. I just want to tell you that I care and I wish for better roads ahead for you, you will and are in my prayers.

RE

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

Hit the Post Comment ONCE, then wait....
That is the reason why this happens

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

Miserable before and miserable after getting cancer.
Mourning your "life" isn't gonna do you any good while your still alive.

I appreciated my life before cancer but it gave me an even greater appreciation for it since then. No one says you have to be happy that you have cancer. I could do without if for sure but I've had positive things come out of it. You seem to be missing the point of the post. it's NOT about being HAPPY you have cancer at all.

There is no scientific evidence of lots of things, that doesn't make them false. But studies have shown that positive thinking CAN help in recovery.

Maybe if I had your type of personality I'd feel the same way. Thankfully I don't.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I have no clue who you are at all just as you have no clue who I am.
Some people can not find anything good out of a situation that is not very good to begin with. Sorry that your perfect life is over...
Bye

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I think I used the word "miserable". No one expects you to do cartwheels over cancer. You could be dead instead of getting through at least part of it or all of your cancer. You did not post anything about your background other than that you joined June 22 2010 so who knows how you wound up on this site and no one says you have to post anything.

I have found some people are worse off than than me and some are better off. Most people have found something positive that came out of this although I will say that I was surprised how many Christians used the word "hate" when talking about cancer and they found nothing good out of it. One might think that if God has predetermined our lives and only gives us what we can handle that they would look at it differently. I do not believe in all of that so it's moot to me as to how I got cancer. The point is I have it. Now I can look at things in a positive way or I can be miserable about it (or bitter and angry). I see no point in that at all, it's a waste of time.

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

I know better than to get involved in this discussion but I am going to anyways ;-)

Cancerite says she has been in mourning since June of 2008. Two years of mourning??? Unless you enjoy being sad,angry,bitter or depressed about something that happened to you 2 years ago I would like to suggest counseling. I have had several family members die from cancer and I mourned them, but not for 2 years and I loved them dearly.

As you said Phil, she has not posted anything in her profile which makes me wonder...hmmmmm why she came to this website in the first place. If she was looking for help, advice or encouragement it is understandable as this is an excellent site full of many helpful people. But she hasn't, so I wonder about her reasons for posting at all. Granted, anyone can post but we get enough angry, depressing posts (understandably) from those who are still in treatment or have been given a terminal diagnosis.

I have not been cured, I am in remission (from two seperate types of cancer)and the doctors have told me that this is as good as it gets but I am not bitter or angry. I also loved my precancer life but I have learned to live my "new" life and enjoy it. I'm not bitter or sad because those emotions would take away from the quality of what time I have left. I prefer to be happy and live my life to the fullest everyday.

I hope this post doesn't "open a can of worms" and I do not want to hurt anyones feelings but I just had to say how I feel and what I think. Sometimes I just don't know enough to keep my mouth shut ;-)

My best to everyone,
Glenna

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

Very well put. You have a much smoother style than I have.
I've found that I have had several "new normals".
I find you can either roll with the punches or you can sink like a rock.
(or you can Rock & Roll)
-phil

SueRelays
Posts: 489
Joined: Dec 2009

I had to CHIME in when I knew I should just hold back as well to Cancerite....who I hink should change her/his name to cancerwrong.....but anyway......The postings on the anal board were less than uplifing :)....but what botheres me most is to see people who are tyring to help and offer solutions get blasted!

I have no idea why someone would post something on these sites that is less than truthful, but I seriously have a hard time believing you are as miserable as you are, and that after 2 years, you decide to log in here and share it. Like I said before, this is an open forum, and we all have a right to our own feelings and the ability to express them. However, I'm sure, if you read any posts prior to posting,you would understand that we come hear for support, information, laughter, some tears, friendships, and most of all hope. I'm sure you can see that your contribution, other than informing us of all the negative aspects of cancer, which TRUST ME, I think we have all figured out, is not what, I think the majority of us are looking for here.
I don't hope or pray antyhing for you, because I know you would come back and tell me that would be a futile attempt. I don't think I can wish you well either, cuz apparantely that is not something you are pursuing either.
I can say though, that I hope you find a forum that suits your mood :)!

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2731
Joined: Jul 2006

IMO each of us are entitled to post our feelings. This is actually a help to the person that can't talk about things to other people. Just the act of writing about it might help. If you don't get it out and talk about it then it stays buried deep and becomes a cancer of itself. I understand what y'all are saying but I can see both sides. We enjoy the fun posts better but support means 'To keep from weakening or failing; strengthen.' We post to give and receive strength. Or am I missing something?

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I find all of this strange. The reason we post "our stories" on our personal pages is so others can read about how we got to this site and we may find we have things in common. Sometimes it's a good thing to share. I know that when I find out that someone has had a similar experience I do not feel as alone. Other times it makes no difference. I'm surprised that you don't look (if it is that you don't)

If I'm reading the beginning of your comments correctly you only let a few people know about your condition as you call it, and they are sworn to secrecy? Are you ashamed for some reason or worried work people will find out that you have cancer?

I find it very interesting how people handle cancer so differently. One of my cousins developed cancer and she did not want to tell her brothers and sister about it. I found out by chance and probably because I got cancer before she did. I feel that the more support I can get and the more I can have people become informed so maybe they won't get cancer, the better off we all are. I certainly find nothing wrong with me having cancer. Maybe you don't feel anything is wrong with having cancer but it certainly comes across that way.

When you did/did not fill out the personal information, why do you think they asked if it wasn't so it would be shared with members. It's not like people are asking for your real name, address, phone or SS#. I know some folks post all that (except the SS#) but they are the exception rather than the norm.

I really have to question why you joined the site cancerite, I know it's your business but everything is a secret and you certainly do not come across as looking for support. Maybe just to vent a little? That's helpful at times too...

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I suppose that I'm more comfortable with colon cancer than if I had anal cancer but I'd like to think that if I had anal cancer I'd be comfortable to say that. Who knows, maybe I'd say I had colon cancer instead. It really is nothing to be ashamed of and I do not think that having anal cancer has anything to do with what one does in "the bedroom" anymore than does have colon cancer, rectal cancer, lung cancer (people who never smoke get that too) etc.

I also hear you with the "feeling sorry for you" part too. I have in-laws through marriage who are always asking me how I feel as if I'm a little kid with a tummy ache. I have a childhood friend (I use that term VERY loosely) that I always feel I am letting him down because I'm not friggin dead yet. He's VERY gloom & doom. I do feel though that 98% of the people I know have been very supportive of me and I've gained so much from being extremely open about my cancer.

We all see it (cancer) differently just as we all see most other things differently. There is no one size fits all. I do hope that you find what you are looking for here and any other place you happen to go to. We are all pretty much in the same boat but we may be on different journeys. Most all of the people are supportive in one way or another if that is what would be helpful to you.
It ain't easy but it is what it is...
-phil

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I had written a letter to the editor of our local paper at the time of Farrah's passing and how it was delegated as a "minor" story because of MJ's drug overdose. The editor told me that it was one of the best letters he had seen in a long time. It was a golden opportunity for public awareness for cancer but alas, it was not a big enough story because of the infatuation we all have with celebrity. Yes, Farrah was a celebrity but I think her death from anal cancer was more newsworthy and had the potential to educate people and possibly prevent more deaths while MJ's demise was too bad but it was (in my opinion) not an educational moment.

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2731
Joined: Jul 2006

I can understand embarrassment. I'm very introverted in person but I can tell you guys more because you don't know me. There are still things I can't even say here.

I've gotten use to saying 'breast' but on another message board I've avoided telling them the type of cancer. In person it's obvious.

I've opened up a lot more because I try. But I still get embarrassed sometimes. There are still things I can't say to anyone.

Here is the age old question: Is it because of personality or upbringing? And will it be my demise (I'm just thinking to myself).

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

While it is rarely good news that someone passes away nor is the timing ever good either, the timing of Michael Jackson’s passing was very bad in my opinion.

Farrah Fawcett died the same day from a form of colorectal cancer that will affect many more of us than super stardom will and she winds up as a footnote on the news on that day. I have not heard a thing about her since.

The world is obsessed with Michael Jackson. It appears he self-destructed like so many famous people have done. Too bad but it was his choices that caused it. Farrah got the bad luck of getting cancer.

While he was a big influence on pop culture for a generation, his other life, which I cannot call normal, was marred by allegations of child abuse, financial problems, and an apparent identity crisis judging by how he wanted to look like Diana Ross (except a white version).

More people will be affected by colorectal cancer than will be affected by becoming a pop star and self-destructing, yet the media insists on raising this person to almost sainthood and I do not see an end in sight.

Colorectal cancer is the third leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States when men and women are considered separately, and the second leading cause when both sexes are combined. It is expected to cause about 49,920 deaths (25,240 in men and 24,680 in women) during 2009. More research on cancer needs to be done but it is overshadowed by this. It’s sad, many more of us will have to deal with cancer that with superstardom and self-destruction.

I felt that this was a great opportunity for more people to gain awareness of this horrible disease and possibly have more research done but instead all we hear is how great MJ was.

Farrah was twice the woman Michael would ever have become.

Phil G

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

It's a shame that this letter wasn't published in every newspaper in the United States. We need more cancer awareness for all types of cancer.

I was very sad to read that Farrah had lost her battle as I grew up watching "Charlie's Angels" and always liked her. I was also a little sad about MJ's death because he was a person who I used to like before his drastic changes and public disgraces.

Again, well said!!

Glenna

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2731
Joined: Jul 2006

I confess, when the first mention of MJ was made I didn't know who that was. I forgot all about him.

I think it was tragic about Farrah. She even went to Germany for some cure that didn't work.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

I really felt it was one of those moments that rarely come along where many people could have become more informed about something that really could affect them. Then it was lost to America's fascination with celebrity. I know Farrah was a celebrity too but this could have possibly been very good "press" for cancer awareness.

Such is life...

I've become one of those letter writers to my local paper. I'm good for maybe 1 letter to the editor per year. I could probably write one a week. I just sent one in today that has to do with the screwed up garbage pickup that they have around here. Any time there is a holiday (July 4th) it screws up everything. I did one once about a possibly rabid skunk that was in our neighborhood. I asked my wife to call the town to see what they could do about this. It was roaming the neighborhood walking in circles during the day. You rarely see skunks in the day and seeing it going in circles concerned me. There are kids and pets that play outside. The town said they don't handle that and gave us the number of someone who would take care of it for a price. I know, WTF???? It was like I was setting up the skunk to be whacked by one of the Sopranos or something not to mention, THAT is why we pay taxes (I thought). So I wrote a letter explaining what happened and lo and behold, the following Monday the town Supervisor was calling the house wanting to speak with me. I told them I had nothing more to say about it, they gave us their solution the previous week.

I know, Get a life Phil!
;-)

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

Even in our little "backwards" state of NH we have agencies that will deal with any wild life problems. Any concerns about rabid animals are dealt with by our Fish and Game department immediately with no charge to the caller.

Phil, it seems you do have a life - helping others and speaking up about issues that many others prefer to sweep under the rug. Keep writing to the editor, maybe someday people will finally set up and pay attention ;-)

Take care,
Glenna

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4665
Joined: May 2005

It may have been some sort of administrative mix-up but it wasn't like we were calling because a squirrel was in our attic (or bats in our belfry)
-phil

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2731
Joined: Jul 2006

The only positive thing having cancer did for me was it made me realize my time here was almost up. So we changed our life. Our life had been in a state of flux anyway but we realized the place we were wasn't where we should be. The next change we made wasn't right either. Sometimes you make choices and think you need to follow them thru. This time I was shown that it would be ok to stop and make another change. Who knows if we would have done this anyway, cancer or not.

Before cancer I thought I'd live into my eighties. Now I don't expect to but that's ok.

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