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pity party

amyhd80
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

hi all- i am brand new to the boards and have registered to get some advice and support from those of you who have been there.

In a nutshell, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease in 1980 and received full mantle radiation therapy (50 treatments). Like many of us treated in that era, I have suffered with many after effects of the 'cure'. I am unable to have children due in part to the scarring of my ovaries and adhesions in my fallopian tubes, I had my thyroid removed because they thought I had thyroid cancer, I have decreased lung capacity because of the scarring and have to use daily inhalers. sounds bad, but i do consider myself lucky and healthy..until now.

I was in a snowmobile accident last weekend and broke my wrist (so--sorry for the typos). they did an ekg in the hospital and found that it was newly abnormal, and that I have a new heart murmur. I know that the therapy can 'fry' the heart valves and that is likely the casuse of this. I have an appointment tomorrow with a cardiologist. Basically, I am scared to death, and sick of dealing with it all. I am sitting here feeling horribly sorry for myself. I know it is terrible and inappropriate, that I am lucky and all of that stuff. but.... really? not to be a baby, but I am so over this stuff...ther is a lts clinic at our local hospital, which is also where I was treated. I had been hesitant to go, but I think that will be my next step.
I don't want to tell my husband or family how I feel, so any words of support from those who have been there would be appreciated.

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 620
Joined: Aug 2009

Welcome Amy,
You have come to a great spot with lots of good advice and support and ppl who know and are feeling many of the same things you are. First let me say how I admire your strength in dealing with this for so many years. I feel we all at times go through feelings like you have now. We are obligated to be honest with ourselves and that includes admitting when things are just too much. We are after all human. These feelings will pass but also serve a purpose I am sure. I recently went through a very weepy, creepy time and felt guilty because things are going well for me and I need to always be strong and thankful etc, etc. A very wise MD told me that my plate is really full right now and a few tears and some venting helps to clear some of the stuff off of that plate.Looking at it that way helped me a lot. Good luck with the cardiologist, there's many things they can do.

Mary

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