Unsympathetic management

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GrandmaJ
GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I just returned to work after 4 weeks off following lumpectomy. What amazes me most is how unsympathetic and downright mean some management people can be when you return. They act like you were out having a face lift. I managed to work most of the time during my chemo and yet if I took off an extra day because of reactions to the meds, I was made to feel like I let the office down.

I'm not looking for pity but I was also not expecting such nastiness upon my return and I work in a hospital where you would think people would be more understanding about fighting cancer. So, I decided today to retire from this place after I complete my radiation...

Has anyone else had this type of behavior from co-workers and bosses ??

Judy

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  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #2
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    So sorry
    you've had to endure this kind of treatment, Judy.

    I've read some other posts from people, and I seem to remember a couple of them working in the health care industry as well.

    I'm wondering whether the fact that these people deal will illnesses as part of their work makes them more desensitized to actually caring about the people involved.

    Personally, I have had nothing but support from everyone I work with during my treatments so far. I work for a manufacturing company as the HR manager. It probably helps that I've been here about 20 years also.

    Again, I feel for what you're going through. At a time when you should be taking good care of yourself it's so discouraging to have such a lack of support. I don't blame you for wanting to retire, or at least to find a better place to work if you do want to keep working.

    Just remember that, despite whatever attitude you may get from others, you are #1 right now.

    Take care,
    Cindy
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #3
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    cindycflynn said:

    So sorry
    you've had to endure this kind of treatment, Judy.

    I've read some other posts from people, and I seem to remember a couple of them working in the health care industry as well.

    I'm wondering whether the fact that these people deal will illnesses as part of their work makes them more desensitized to actually caring about the people involved.

    Personally, I have had nothing but support from everyone I work with during my treatments so far. I work for a manufacturing company as the HR manager. It probably helps that I've been here about 20 years also.

    Again, I feel for what you're going through. At a time when you should be taking good care of yourself it's so discouraging to have such a lack of support. I don't blame you for wanting to retire, or at least to find a better place to work if you do want to keep working.

    Just remember that, despite whatever attitude you may get from others, you are #1 right now.

    Take care,
    Cindy

    So Sad
    It's really bad when your treated that way. Well good for you if you can retire now. I do know they can not let you go. You could sue them if they do.
  • TLynn0102
    TLynn0102 Member Posts: 86
    #4
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    Hit a nerve....
    Hi Judy,
    Yesterday I responded to someone who had just returned to work and reading her story reminded me of what I felt like. Reading your story reminds me of what I deal with on a day to day basis. Both of my bosses, men of course; seem to think now that the treatments are done and my hair has grown back that there are NO underlying conditions. Now I catch everything under the sun and am sick all the time with colds, flu, etc. One of them even has the nerve to ask me this week when I think I will be done with all this. What really yanks my chain is that I have been at this job for 10 years, work anywhere from a regular 40 hour week to a 90 hour week and give up my life for the company. Wrong thing to do I know. The stress level alone is enough to kill you. This idiot seems to think that since he was hired just over a year ago he is still in the learning stages and pawns all his stuff off on me so I am doing both of our jobs while he is doing who knows what. Both of them have absoutley NO understanding of what someone goes through when they fight cancer. Just because the outside returns to normal that does not mean the inside is healed. I had chemo and 7 surgeries in less than a one year time frame. I worked from home the entire time, except treatment day, never called in sick or used the cancer as an excuse. He just had surgery a few weeks ago, on his toe....you would have thought someone cut off his stinkin arm. The sorry part is I love my job, love my company and don't complain one bit about the cancer. Heck, I seldom mention it and never bring it up. I don't even use the fact that my brain is still recovering and I cannot remember things as an excuse. I wear the same shoes you do and walk the same path as well when it comes to co-workers. If I could I would trade one of my days with one of of theirs, then they would know. Unfortunately people don't get it unless they experience it. Do what I do when someone makes you mad and treats you bad, smile and walk away. Say good morning and treat people just like you want to be treated, I am finding that this makes them a little on edge because they think you are up to something, like retiring. I wish I had that option, I'd be out the door tomorrow. If there were an instruction book on how to work with a person who went through cancer I'd buy it for both of them and give them page by page instructions! Remember where one door closes another opens and the next one will be better than the last. Sorry for venting but you hit a nerve that has been boiling since I came back to work...gosh that felt good. I wish you luck with your co-workers and more importantly retirement, that is time for YOU to do the things YOU enjoy and live life, you deserve it! Hugs to you!
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    #5
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    TLynn0102 said:

    Hit a nerve....
    Hi Judy,
    Yesterday I responded to someone who had just returned to work and reading her story reminded me of what I felt like. Reading your story reminds me of what I deal with on a day to day basis. Both of my bosses, men of course; seem to think now that the treatments are done and my hair has grown back that there are NO underlying conditions. Now I catch everything under the sun and am sick all the time with colds, flu, etc. One of them even has the nerve to ask me this week when I think I will be done with all this. What really yanks my chain is that I have been at this job for 10 years, work anywhere from a regular 40 hour week to a 90 hour week and give up my life for the company. Wrong thing to do I know. The stress level alone is enough to kill you. This idiot seems to think that since he was hired just over a year ago he is still in the learning stages and pawns all his stuff off on me so I am doing both of our jobs while he is doing who knows what. Both of them have absoutley NO understanding of what someone goes through when they fight cancer. Just because the outside returns to normal that does not mean the inside is healed. I had chemo and 7 surgeries in less than a one year time frame. I worked from home the entire time, except treatment day, never called in sick or used the cancer as an excuse. He just had surgery a few weeks ago, on his toe....you would have thought someone cut off his stinkin arm. The sorry part is I love my job, love my company and don't complain one bit about the cancer. Heck, I seldom mention it and never bring it up. I don't even use the fact that my brain is still recovering and I cannot remember things as an excuse. I wear the same shoes you do and walk the same path as well when it comes to co-workers. If I could I would trade one of my days with one of of theirs, then they would know. Unfortunately people don't get it unless they experience it. Do what I do when someone makes you mad and treats you bad, smile and walk away. Say good morning and treat people just like you want to be treated, I am finding that this makes them a little on edge because they think you are up to something, like retiring. I wish I had that option, I'd be out the door tomorrow. If there were an instruction book on how to work with a person who went through cancer I'd buy it for both of them and give them page by page instructions! Remember where one door closes another opens and the next one will be better than the last. Sorry for venting but you hit a nerve that has been boiling since I came back to work...gosh that felt good. I wish you luck with your co-workers and more importantly retirement, that is time for YOU to do the things YOU enjoy and live life, you deserve it! Hugs to you!

    I know
    how you feel with this. when I was doing my radiation for breast cancer, I had to leave a half hour early each day. I took the latest appointment they had, but I still had to leave early. So ti make up for that half hour, I had to work through my lunch. At a time when I really needed to eat and stay strong because the job was being on my feet in manufacturing, I gave up my lunches. Almost made it to the end of my treatments before I needed to be off work. I was off for four weeks because I was just plain tired. I actually came back after this and went in at 3 in the morning and worked until 5:30 at night standing in a machine shop even though all my doctor excuses said no excessive standing. The last summer I worked there I broke a bone in my foot. Yep, you guessed it, I came in and stood on that foot all day on cement. I had the option for a cast, but I would have had to be off for six weeks and I could not afford it and I was afraid I would lose the job because of all my "illness". I had been off for months during a year prior to this with a spinal cord tumor. I think sometimes they felt I would just quit. Well I didn't. And over a year ago, after 22 years at this company, I was one of the first laid off. How do you justify laying off someone who is not at the top of the pay scale and knew things inside out? I don't know. But when I was let go, so were all of the people who had some health issue. How do you prove this. You don't, you just try to move on. There were times I felt like I needed to do more to make up for all that had happened to me. But then I would see other people not carrying their loads and getting away with it. They are still there and I am out here. I had some people who would go behind my back and tell the boss I could not keep up, then switch jobs with me. I often felt used, betrayed and degraded. But I hung in there because I needed the job. In looking back, I would never do this again.I would squawk my head off no matter how bad it might look. If you are sick through no fault of your own, no you don't expecty special attention. But you do deserve respect for trying to honor your committment to work. I wish you all the best, Cindy
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #6
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    Cindy54 said:

    I know
    how you feel with this. when I was doing my radiation for breast cancer, I had to leave a half hour early each day. I took the latest appointment they had, but I still had to leave early. So ti make up for that half hour, I had to work through my lunch. At a time when I really needed to eat and stay strong because the job was being on my feet in manufacturing, I gave up my lunches. Almost made it to the end of my treatments before I needed to be off work. I was off for four weeks because I was just plain tired. I actually came back after this and went in at 3 in the morning and worked until 5:30 at night standing in a machine shop even though all my doctor excuses said no excessive standing. The last summer I worked there I broke a bone in my foot. Yep, you guessed it, I came in and stood on that foot all day on cement. I had the option for a cast, but I would have had to be off for six weeks and I could not afford it and I was afraid I would lose the job because of all my "illness". I had been off for months during a year prior to this with a spinal cord tumor. I think sometimes they felt I would just quit. Well I didn't. And over a year ago, after 22 years at this company, I was one of the first laid off. How do you justify laying off someone who is not at the top of the pay scale and knew things inside out? I don't know. But when I was let go, so were all of the people who had some health issue. How do you prove this. You don't, you just try to move on. There were times I felt like I needed to do more to make up for all that had happened to me. But then I would see other people not carrying their loads and getting away with it. They are still there and I am out here. I had some people who would go behind my back and tell the boss I could not keep up, then switch jobs with me. I often felt used, betrayed and degraded. But I hung in there because I needed the job. In looking back, I would never do this again.I would squawk my head off no matter how bad it might look. If you are sick through no fault of your own, no you don't expecty special attention. But you do deserve respect for trying to honor your committment to work. I wish you all the best, Cindy

    I had this happen to me, and
    I had this happen to me, and i work for an insurance company. I also had a post about how terrible they have been to me. I also worked through chemo, but only because they basically told me i had to, i needed time off for doctor appointments and surgery. You are only allowed 3 months of on the family medical leave. I had to cancel my reconstruction surgery because i only had 2 weeks fmla left and they would not hold my job. I am so stressed out about work, i can't quit since i carry the medical insurance and i need the money. I realize there aren't many jobs around. I am thinking about trying to go out on disability soon. As if having stage 4 cancer isn't bad enough, i worry more about work than i do my health. I believe in Karma, what goes around, comes around
  • rrogers34
    rrogers34 Member Posts: 135
    #7
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    Understand
    I went back yesterday. My boss talked out of both sides of her mouth. She kept saying that "whatever" I wanted to do. I didn't make it the first full day and decided to try going part-time. Before I went back I had explained that I didnt know how chemo would effect me, but I would do my very best. I told her I had to take a herceptin treatment today and would talk to the Dr about what would be best. Since I have no idea how I will feel, I told her that perhaps we should plan on me not being there tomorrow. She said we cant go day by day. They had a temp while I was off. I mentioned that it might be a good .idea to keep the temp for awhile to see how I do. What is good, is that one of the Partner's (I work for a law firm), he came up and really stood up for me. He said I was family, and the first concern is my health and that he did not want me to worry about my job. So yes, I do understand, however, I will never understand the health care industry being so harsh. All i heard from my boss is how I have to toughen up, how she had members of her family that went through chemo and worked and did fine. She also let me know it (chemo) was cumulative and that I should not have this much trouble after just one treatment. The problem is they dont see the entire picture. The emotional, the toll it takes on just hearing you have cancer and then all of the tests, the treatments, the ups and downs. Sorry to vent,but I am only having this issue with my immediate boss. I have others who I know will take care of me. They know I wont take advantage and I want to do my best. Hang in there! Pray for them! Then dont understand and I hope they never have to. Guess I should mention that the issue was that they could not go day by day on if I would be there. I never asked for that. Just some understanding in the beginning. I "planned" on not being there tomorrow for her, since I wasnt sure. She wants definites and I just cant give those right now. It's day by day and sometimes minute by minute.
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #8
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    Face lift
    Judy,

    You should walk around with a mirror and look at your face all day (and act like you had face lift work done). That would be funny.

    On a more serious note, I am still dealing with some of my co-workers (after being gone the month of September) making comments like "well, you were gone so....." or "we didn't know what to do with it because you were gone". It is annoying because it wasn't like I was on vacation or something for a month.

    Try not to let how they act get to you and certainly don't leave your job if it is something you enjoy doing. You have every right to be there and they shouldn't make you feel otherwise.

    Good luck to you.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #9
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    Kat11 said:

    So Sad
    It's really bad when your treated that way. Well good for you if you can retire now. I do know they can not let you go. You could sue them if they do.

    Sorry
    I am so sorry that you got treated like that Judy. It isn't fair or right. I am happy for you that you can retire and get away from those mean, rude people. Good luck!

    Sue :)
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #10
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    Wolfi said:

    Face lift
    Judy,

    You should walk around with a mirror and look at your face all day (and act like you had face lift work done). That would be funny.

    On a more serious note, I am still dealing with some of my co-workers (after being gone the month of September) making comments like "well, you were gone so....." or "we didn't know what to do with it because you were gone". It is annoying because it wasn't like I was on vacation or something for a month.

    Try not to let how they act get to you and certainly don't leave your job if it is something you enjoy doing. You have every right to be there and they shouldn't make you feel otherwise.

    Good luck to you.

    Unsympathetic management
    Thanks everyone for your replies. It saddens me to know, however, that this happens a lot in the work place. And I've heard that same remark "so and so had chemo and she never missed a day of work" !! I had been contemplating retirement before I was diagnosed, so its the right thing to do.

    Judy

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