Reflections on two year cancerversary
So for all who have followed my journey, here is how I feel two years later:
I feel like I made smart decisions about my treatment: I am glad I had chemo and that I chose to have a bilateral mastectomy (I had stage I, but am BRCA 1): I had one cancerous breast removed and the other, healthy breast was removed prophylactically. I am also glad I had immediate reconstruction and am happy with the reconstruction I chose (lat flap with implants). I am in a clinical trial to get Zometa. If I had it to do all over again, I would do nothing different.
I am also glad to be on Femara, although it has caused me many problems: I am on two anti-depressants to combat the effects of chemically induced depression from estrogen deprivation, and I had hair thinning from the Femara, which was very, very hard for me to accept after always being complimented on my pre-cancer, thick beautiful hair. I still feel sad when I see other women's hair, but I have come to accept my condition and do the best I can with an expensive haircut and using a make-up product called Hair-so-real to conceal the thin spots. I care more about the loss of my hair than my breasts, but I do feel sad also when I see nude women with beautiful breasts in movies. Mostly, however, I realize these concerns are trivial compared with the possibilities of death and recurrence.
I found out who my true friends were and who they were not. I am sorry to say that my family was not as supportive as I would have liked, but I try to appreciate the fact that I have at least gotten closer to one sister.
I'm not obsessed with the fear of recurrence, but I do think about it and I also think about the fact that one day I will die of something, whether it's bc or something else, a lot more than I used to. I would say it has taken me the entire two years to feel that my life has gotten back to 'normal,' or rather 'new normal.'
Well, those are my reflections. I would be interested to hear how others have felt when their cancerversary came around, and especially how they felt about permanent changes to their body.
Happy New Year and happy cancerversary to all the others who are celebrating life,
Ohilly
Comments
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Happy anniversarynatly15 said:Thanks for sharing. It
Thanks for sharing. It certainly offers encouragement to those of us with a recent Dx and those of us currently going thru treatment. I look forward to a cancerversary.
thank you for sharing your story. I also would like to congratulate you for feeling "back to normal" and accepting "new normal" as well. Dealing with breast cancer is a very tough long journey, it is very unique and similar at the same time.
I had my radical mastectomy and then skin re-excision in the end of June 2008. I feel much more comfortable to celebrate that date, when cancer was removed from my body. While initially i was diagnosed with stage I after radical mastectomy and lymph nodes removal the cancer was upgraded to Stage IIIC. I had Chemo radiation. went through induced menopause and currently on Tamoxifen. I completely understand estrogen deprivation and have experienced 6 months extreme fatigue, insomnia, and hot flashes. I am not back to normal and still teaching family members and myself to accept "new me". Everyone around me, including my oncologist expect me to be back to normal by now ...I hope I will.
Hugs,
New Flower0 -
Happy Anniversary!New Flower said:Happy anniversary
thank you for sharing your story. I also would like to congratulate you for feeling "back to normal" and accepting "new normal" as well. Dealing with breast cancer is a very tough long journey, it is very unique and similar at the same time.
I had my radical mastectomy and then skin re-excision in the end of June 2008. I feel much more comfortable to celebrate that date, when cancer was removed from my body. While initially i was diagnosed with stage I after radical mastectomy and lymph nodes removal the cancer was upgraded to Stage IIIC. I had Chemo radiation. went through induced menopause and currently on Tamoxifen. I completely understand estrogen deprivation and have experienced 6 months extreme fatigue, insomnia, and hot flashes. I am not back to normal and still teaching family members and myself to accept "new me". Everyone around me, including my oncologist expect me to be back to normal by now ...I hope I will.
Hugs,
New Flower
Happy Anniversary!
Hugs, Megan0 -
Hi Ohilly,
I will be
Hi Ohilly,
I will be celebrating my 1 year anniversary on the 21st of January. This is the day I had my DIEP Flap reconstruction. I chose this date because it represents the final leg of my journey. I found my lump on May 28th and had a bi-latteral mastectomy on June 12th, 2008. I had 20 rounds of chemo and my ovaries were removed before the holidays last year. I am also a BRCA1 gene carrier. I tested triple-negative so I cannot take any medication. I look back now and like you do not regret making the choices that I did but I do feel a lot of what you are feeling. When I look in the mirror I like the person I see, but once the shirt comes off I am reminded of the journey I had to take to still be here. I have not adjusted to the scars yet and wish that they would fade. I have not gotten a hair cut yet because I want my hair to grow out a little more but it drives me nuts because the ends curl and the color has changed since the chemo. I forget a lot of stuff and have trouble remembering things and sometimes I get tired very easily. The thing that frustrates me the most is that I seem to get sick a lot easier now than I did before. I am still adjusting to the aftermath of the cancer and through this site I have been able to begin moving past cancer. All of this sounds depressing but it is not. See, every morning when I get out of bed I look out the window and see the daylight breaking and thank God for giving me another day to enjoy. I've learned a lot about myself, the people I and surrounded by and the choices I make. Like you I have a few people that I no longer talk to and found out who my true friends really are. My hubby and I had some trouble adjusting to the mastectomy and I felt like I was alone during all this because our sexual relationship suffered but we are working on getting things back on track and are talking about the experience. Looking back over the past year I realize how close one is to death every day, it does not matter if you have cancer of if you are driving a car. No one knows when their time will come. I know I have an advantage having gone through cancer and I know that I use this advantage everyday. I live and live to the fullest. I've learned to have fun in situations where things don't warrant fun, like in meetings at work or doing the laundry. I smile at everyone I see, hold open doors for people and help if I see someone struggling. I've learned patience and how to be patient and I've learned to speak up and speak my mind. I know I've changed and am working on accepting the new me with the 'new normal' I now live in. It's a difficult journey, a hard battle and a long road to travel, but through the journey there are so many things you learn along the way. Would I trade what I went through for something else? Nah, I think I would keep what I experienced and what I've learned. I've been given a second chance on life and an opportunity to live it the way I truly want to. So on the 21st of January I will look in the mirror, see the scars and the curls and smile at myself remembering all I went through to celebrate this milestone. God Bless you and Happy Anniversary!
Tracey0 -
Congrats!TLynn0102 said:Hi Ohilly,
I will be
Hi Ohilly,
I will be celebrating my 1 year anniversary on the 21st of January. This is the day I had my DIEP Flap reconstruction. I chose this date because it represents the final leg of my journey. I found my lump on May 28th and had a bi-latteral mastectomy on June 12th, 2008. I had 20 rounds of chemo and my ovaries were removed before the holidays last year. I am also a BRCA1 gene carrier. I tested triple-negative so I cannot take any medication. I look back now and like you do not regret making the choices that I did but I do feel a lot of what you are feeling. When I look in the mirror I like the person I see, but once the shirt comes off I am reminded of the journey I had to take to still be here. I have not adjusted to the scars yet and wish that they would fade. I have not gotten a hair cut yet because I want my hair to grow out a little more but it drives me nuts because the ends curl and the color has changed since the chemo. I forget a lot of stuff and have trouble remembering things and sometimes I get tired very easily. The thing that frustrates me the most is that I seem to get sick a lot easier now than I did before. I am still adjusting to the aftermath of the cancer and through this site I have been able to begin moving past cancer. All of this sounds depressing but it is not. See, every morning when I get out of bed I look out the window and see the daylight breaking and thank God for giving me another day to enjoy. I've learned a lot about myself, the people I and surrounded by and the choices I make. Like you I have a few people that I no longer talk to and found out who my true friends really are. My hubby and I had some trouble adjusting to the mastectomy and I felt like I was alone during all this because our sexual relationship suffered but we are working on getting things back on track and are talking about the experience. Looking back over the past year I realize how close one is to death every day, it does not matter if you have cancer of if you are driving a car. No one knows when their time will come. I know I have an advantage having gone through cancer and I know that I use this advantage everyday. I live and live to the fullest. I've learned to have fun in situations where things don't warrant fun, like in meetings at work or doing the laundry. I smile at everyone I see, hold open doors for people and help if I see someone struggling. I've learned patience and how to be patient and I've learned to speak up and speak my mind. I know I've changed and am working on accepting the new me with the 'new normal' I now live in. It's a difficult journey, a hard battle and a long road to travel, but through the journey there are so many things you learn along the way. Would I trade what I went through for something else? Nah, I think I would keep what I experienced and what I've learned. I've been given a second chance on life and an opportunity to live it the way I truly want to. So on the 21st of January I will look in the mirror, see the scars and the curls and smile at myself remembering all I went through to celebrate this milestone. God Bless you and Happy Anniversary!
Tracey
A big congratulations to you Ohilly! I know you have not had an easy time with this. Always remember that we are here to support you, anytime, anyday!
Lex♥0 -
Hi ohilly, It's so good to
Hi ohilly, It's so good to hear from you. I completed a year of treatment last October. It has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I had a bilateral mastectomy and still experience tightness in my chest, shoulder pain, and some mild lymphedema. These physical signs keep me aware of the fact that I am a cancer survivor.
When I first came out of a funk lasting 6 months post treatment, my whole perspective shifted and the world seemed a wonderful place. I was so grateful to be alive and part of it. I knew that the appreciation had a lot to do with my cancer journey.
I currently take Arimidex. After trying many different anti-depressants for severe chronic anxiety, Zoloft began to work late last spring. I was doing great until right before Christmas break. Suddenly I am in the hole again, and this pit is the pits. I'm not sure if this is hormonally related. I have hypothyroidism and the medication I've been taking for years is not available right now, so I have had to change. The endocrine system is so intricate and intertwined.
I am grateful for my wonderful friends and family and feel so indebted to them and to all of the folks here at CSN. Thanks so much for sharing your reflections and please keep in touch. (I have also pm'd you.)
xoxoxox Lynn0
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