Does the sex drive ever come back?

crselby said:

Try to focus on the positive things
It comes back, when you want it to. There is a lot of mental trauma to get over... There is a lot of physical trauma to get over... Your friendship will grow stronger while sex is on the back burner. When you feel you have conquered the beast, you will feel like celebrating. He'll understand. It may be hard to believe but it's temporary. The beast hasn't taken it away. As a couple, it's your opportunity to focus on something different for awhile. Easier said than done: try to stop worrying about what cancer has taken away and focus on what you have that's good.
~~Connie~~

Not back for me yet!
I can't think of my body the same way since my bc diagnosis last Feb. I think my husband feels the same way. I didn't lose my breast because I had a lumpectomy and radiation but I don't enjoy being touched. I look at my breasts and think of what I have been through rather than feeling sexy. Quite frankly, I think of my breasts as deadly weapons. I don't know if that will change but I'm considering getting professional help to get my mind back to normal. This is a problem that doesn't get discussed much and none of my doctors have addressed it. I guess they are more concerned with keeping us alive than getting our mojoe back.

Merry Christmas!

Roseann

aztec45 said:

Yes Virginia
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause. You know, I used to have one week out of the month when I would, get that loving feeling. But with all the surgeries, chemo, and medications, it was gone. I started to think that it would never return. But very early this morning....it returned. The feeling returned. What a surprise Christmas gift. I just laughed. Isn't it funny how things turn out.

Merry Christmas.

P

Well
I'm single and split with my boyfriend during all my ordeal..I had my surgery with reconstruction in July. He and I got back together on Halloween and all I can say is the beast certinly hasn't decreased our drive.. He makes me feel beautiful and loved...

Calleen

Not back for me yet
I got diagnosed in September and just has a mastectome with reconstruction so I will give it another month or two before Istart to worry.

This is a subject not most
This is a subject not most doctors think of addressing and yet it is so important. From experience, I can tell you that it took me a while to want to even think about sex, much less having it. First of all, I needed to adjust to the way I looked and come to terms with my new body. I had a radical mastectomy with tram flap reconstruction, so I have a lot of scars both in my breast and abdomen. Unfortunately, there isn't much feeling in the reconstructed breast other than numbness almost like when you go to the dentist and they give you novocaine. Then, came the issue of painful intercourse and lots of dryness. To overcome that, we just took our time with foreplay and then invested in lots of KY jelly. I do have to say that we didn't have relations for a long time. Not because of him, but it was more me. I had to come to grips with the way I looked and learn to accept that this was how I was going to look from now on and forget the what ifs and how I looked prior to going through this ordeal. Once I accepted that, the drive started coming back. More importantly, you need to set the mood. A nice relaxing dinner, a glass of wine, good conversation, etc. It did work for me. Hugs, Lili.

Send me a pm if you have any further questions.

I was put on tamoxifen at
I was put on tamoxifen at age 33. It really put a damper on my sex drive. Otherwise, few side effects for me. My husband was very understanding. I didn't get off of the drug until I was 40 and then it came back, but not as strong. Not sure if this was because of age or the drug. It has really diminished again (age 57) and it may be the drugs I am on or it may be age?

concerned
I had a bilateral mastectomy in Nov & my husband & I were intimate within (2) wks. However, I got in trouble by my plastic surgeon because I was supposed to wait 6 wks. He didn't tell me in the beginning because he said it usually isn't an issue. Anyway, after reading your posts, I am terrified of losing my sex drive. I start tamoxofin & chemo this month. Is loss of sex drive a normal side effect?

Thanks,
Tina

TLynn0102 said:

I had a bi-latteral with
I had a bi-latteral with reconstruciton 7 months later. My ovaries came out prior to the holidays last year and I felt like Humpty Dumpty most of the time. My husband and I did not really discuss our sex life while I was going through cancer and it suffered greatly. I had no physcial desire to have any sort of contact with him and vice versa, but both for our own reasons. I suppose seeing the physical change upset him and even though I know he is my life partner I was offended. In early December of this year I blew up. The first thing I yelled about was our issue with sex. Since then we have been talking about our situation and I have noticed that I am a little more interested in it and have actually experienced some of the old feelings coming back. For me it took a while because I personally did not adjust well to my physical appearance and wondered just how could he love me when I was not myself physically. I am adjusting to this new era of my life and for us it is almost like we are at the begining of our relationship again 25 years later. :-)

mine is gone
mine is gone and i dont think it will be back anytime soon!

:0) teresa

teresa41 said:

mine is gone
mine is gone and i dont think it will be back anytime soon!

:0) teresa

HA HA I haven't really had
HA HA I haven't really had any desire for sex in a few years. Nothng to do with my breast cancer(had lumpectomy in July) I just don't really enjoy it. I need KY all the time, if I don't I'm dry and severl times got UTI's, so I will have relations with my husband, but i'm not really feeling much of anything, guess my G-Spot is all but gone! LOL

The "beast" won't take anything
The "beast" won't take anything you don't want it to take. My sweetie and I were *just* finding our way back into a physical relationship when my diagnosis came in Sept ('09). My sexuality went away. We laughed about it, forgave each other, and felt a bit 'doomed'.

Then, last week it just came back. And its been better than it was before. He's really SHOWING me how much he loves me and finds me attractive. I have more surgery on Wed (1/20) and then chemo starts on 3/3 . . . so we're getting some (to use a crude phrase!) while we can!!!!

tat2granny said:

Update
Well ladies, thanks for all your replies. Just when I think we have overcome some of the problems about our sex life,,nature sent us another blow. He had to have surgery for a hernia! Can you believe it? He's on the mend now and (after a week) and trying to get better before my surgery on the 29th. Seems like the good Lord is really testing out love don't it? But we are gonna get thru this thing and come out stronger than ever. A good friend told me today that maybe this cancer is gonna make us stronger in our love for one another. And I have to agree. The old saying really is true,,What don't kill us, makes us stronger!! I want to thank you all again so very much,,I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this place to vent and share! You all know what I am going thru! And you understand! My prayers are with each and everyone of you!

Bumping this old and alway new discussion
Continue about sex