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lisaonthenet
Posts: 68
Joined: Nov 2009

The sadness is overwhelming. While I'm thankful Kelly is here and fighting the fight of her life, I'm sad that there is new cancer in her femur and she has to see another specialist and may need another pretty major surgery. I'm sad when I see her in so much pain and that her pain isn't in good control right now. I'm sad that it seems like once we think things are 'ok' something pops up.

Lisa

pipwe1's picture
pipwe1
Posts: 53
Joined: Oct 2009

Sadness is overwhelming.... I was having a pretty good week this week..no panic attacks... not much crying...then I went to visit Regina's mother... Regina fought so hard for her life... struggled day after day, week after week, month after month... she never gave up...never. Now here we have her mother.. 90 years old and starving herself to death... she doesn't want to live anymore.. I can understand.. she lost her daughter.... the Doctors say there is nothing medically wrong with her.. she has just given up.....the problem is she is taking me down with her.... I promised Regina that I would take care of her.. make sure she was ok... but now for my own wellbeing I have to break that promise... I cannot force someone to eat.. she signed a DNR.. she signed a paper saying no feeding tubes no medical intervention... she will die of starvation.... so I left the nursing home and had a complete melt down..... I tried but I cannot do it anymore...

tjhay's picture
tjhay
Posts: 655
Joined: Oct 2008

Lisa, grief can be overwhelming, and it comes in many forms, sadness as you watch someone you love suffer, to be in pain, to never know what is going to happen, that in its self can be so over whelming that you feel that there is no chance of recovery. Lisa right now what you and Kelly are going throug is going to bring great saddness, you will feel your heart is breaking every day and in a way it is. Just as Kellys heart breaks everyday to see your sadness. I wish that I could that would make it better even if for but a moment but I have no magic words to ease your pain. Just know that you are not alone, you have people to talk to, and at time just being able to express how you feel will help ease all the turmoil.

Wendy, you have done everything you could to keep your promise, you visit her, you give her your love, you try everyday to make a difference to her, in her life. Regina knows that you are doing all that you can. Regina would want you to take care of yourself also. Both you and Reginas mom are greving where you are trying to find you way through the pain, her mom must live with a parent worse nightmare, to live past your child. You have not broken you promise my friend....you are doing all you can, and sometimes the best to take care of someone is to honor there choice, no matter how hard it is. Things may change and they may not, and that is the biggest way that you honor your promise.

tj

P.S. my spelling skills have not yet returned since chemo so please ignore all the misspelled words.

lisaonthenet
Posts: 68
Joined: Nov 2009

You changed your pic!

What's interesting to me is that folks have said I'm grieving and Kelly's grieving while we're both still alive. I guess I always thought one grieves when someone passes - only. But...I'm learning we grieve all the time about many things. You make an excellent point and I actually drew a picture recently about my heart breaking. There's a heart and it's in sections at the top of the paper, then toward the middle an eyeball with several different tear drops of varying sizes, each with a heart section in it. Good point - that Kelly's heart breaks too to see what this is doing and does to me. That's something I need to keep in mind - thank you for this reminder tj.

How are you doing?

Lisa

lisaonthenet
Posts: 68
Joined: Nov 2009

Wendy,

You're right. All of this is overwhelming and unexpected. In times like we're all having it does give me some solace to see how strong we all are.

It was nice of you to visit Regina's mother. I'm sure she appreciates it. Understand your point about how Regina and you fought hard to live and be together but that her mother is having a tough time doing the same for herself. I can't ever imagine to know anyone else's pain and grief but none of her choices are your fault. You're doing what you can and what you promised to Regina and I feel that Regina knows this and is thankful for you. I'm so sorry this is happening - I can't imagine. Is there any other family that is visiting her? Have you talked to your social worker about this?

You're right. You did try and you have been there for her. She's is making her own choices.

I'm sorry this hurts. I'm here if you ever need to talk...

Lisa

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