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MY SWEET DARLING MOM

membermeg's picture
membermeg
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2009

I lost my best friend, my mother, July 26, 2009. I am grieving and I miss her so much. We used to talk on the phone 10 times a day. Sometimes just about absolutely nothing. I was her only daughter and she was the most inspirational person. I am having a hard time wondering why God had to take her so young. She was so much to so many people. I miss her more than I can explain the pain is emotional and physical. She was such a beautiful person. I miss her voice, her smile, her everything. I miss seeing her and dad together. I am loved her so much and I don't know how to move on with life without her here. I know eventually there will be a new normal. I just want my mom back......................

ernesti
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2009

Am so sorry. Your Mom is in your heart forever. This may sound strange, but talk to her if it makes you feel better. She must have beem an exceptional Mom and she brought you into this world. It must really hurt and will continue till you come to terms that you had her for so many years, take each one day at a time.

ttamng
Posts: 10
Joined: Nov 2009

I'm crying now when reading your post....It is hurt, pain and everything...My sister, who is only 43 years old, who had raised me, took care of me like my own mother, I love her as much as I love my mom, has been on chemotherapy for 10 times to treat lung cancer and now the Dr. has given up hope...I'm so sad....:(

membermeg's picture
membermeg
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2009

Some lung cancers are more curable than others. Did you get a second opinion? My mother fought breast cancer for 20 years. She was only 32 when she was first diagnosed. She was such a fighter. The body can take only so much. Just spend all the time you can with her. Some of the best memories we made were in the last month of her life. We thought we had up to a year and she was gone 2 weeks later. Please feel free to contact me whenever you want. It is hard to see a loved one on chemo and fighting, I was there for 20 years and now I am grieving. Nothing can prepare one for losing a loved one, so please do not let anything on this earth take time away from the two of you and your loved ones. It is not over until God calls her home. And we thought many times out of the 20 years my mother would be called him but she fought for 20 years!!! So, you just never know.

bonnie thomas
Posts: 36
Joined: Nov 2009

my name is bonnie , i want you to know i was told last april i had stage4 ovorian ca, so i am doing good but i am a nursing assit for hospice i quit when i got ca, but let me tell you thoeswere the happies days i took care of people your mom age there is no limit to ca . any can get it . i also go to the clinic where i once worked for chmo. i have done good have been on chmo pi;;s fpor nine months but irt has growm a little. so we do morc thursday., i can not tell you how a god sent it was to work with all kinds of people close to drying. and talking to care givers i did this for 20 years, they were my babys.i have heard all kinds of storys . from the person who was drying, ther were not scared to die. the did not want to be sick any more, and they would talk about all the loved one who were already there . they would even see the loved ones and reach up for them .i did hospice 15 yrs st jude 1yr and the clinic where i go. iworked all over . cnas are the closet to the pt.you always kmnow your mom is near you a butterfly is a sign to me that a loved one is close.always talk to her if you can put a pretty picture of her on the christmas tree write her a note put it under your pillow.play music she liked if you can i do cause i lost my sweet bother. i kissed his picture and hung it at the top of the tree,i had a lot of pt die in my arms but this is what god wanted me to do and now i am with cancer talking to people like you .when you see a dove thank of your mom being near you . pick flowers and keep in the house in her honor, and renember always lite a candle as well i be she liked candles. may god bless you i am here for you .i to am a mom of 1 son he is a god sent i to get scared if i were to go i love him so much as well as my grandkids. i am 57 and a strong person when you look at the stars and the moon think of your sweet mom.
todays pray you have promised ,lord, you will not give me more than i can bear.you have promised to lift me out of my grief and despair.you have promised to put a new song on my lips.i thank you,lord for sustaining me in my day of sorrow. restore me, and heal me and use me as you will, god bless.
bonnie thomas

membermeg's picture
membermeg
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2009

Wow, you brought tears to my eyes (I would be bawling were I not at work) I am a nuclear medicine technologist, so unfortunately I see alot of cancer, but the reason I am here is bc of my mom, so I must continue in her memory. It has only been abuot 3.5 months and I still sometimes feel like it is a nightmare. My mother battled for so long and when God took her he did it quick. We were only in contact with hospice for about 2 weeks. Her last week was in a hospice facility and I would have not had it any other way. The people who work there were specifically designed by God. Thank you for doing what you did for so long. They were so kind and gentle. My mom had such an undying faith for the Lord and she was not afraid to meet her maker. She was worried about us children and dad. The ladies in there just knowing her a week said some pretty awesome things about her. They could tell what an amazing, God-fearing woman she was in only knowing her a week!!! Most of that time she was not able to talk or share. When I think back of that week it is so hard for me. After 20 years you just think she will always come out on top. There were so many times the doctors were losing hope but she always came out on top. I was married only a couple months before she passed away and I know she made it her goal to make sure I met and married a good Christian man( I was a little questionable in my younger years) : ) I miss her so much. I just cry and cry and cry. I do my best to work, but they say at 3 months it normally really hits home and I am finding that to be true. Unfortunately were I work they think I should be emotionally over it. (What a shame when they have experienced no grief before and it is in the medical field) I have nightmares every single night. Some I remember and some I don't. I wake up in horrible cold sweats every night. I know I will see her again, but I miss her now more than words can describe. I just want one more hug or one more kiss but I know that would not be enough!! Ah, I just dont know what to do. I read in the bible the other day I think it was in First Thes. about how we should not grieve like those who have no hope...and one day we will all meet in the clouds. ..... somtimes that is the only thing that keeps me going....God bless you and thank you for all you have done in your time at hospice.....Kelli

utilitarian_me's picture
utilitarian_me
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2009

Kelli, your mom sounds like one of God's own warriors - fighting the good fight. I know this will sound trite, but do rely on your faith to help get you through this time. You never will forget your mom, and I think there will always be times when grief overwhelms and tears will fall. Know that you aren't alone. If you open your heart, like your mom so obviously did to others (maybe join the "women's circle" at church, or even an aerobics class) -- God may place an earth-bound angel in your path. I am an only daughter and married life transplanted me far from home. I was heartsick for my mom - and then I realized that other women can help fill that void as I can help them fill their voids. I think we are called to do that for each other - we have stories to tell, to share & to listen to as we lean on each other's shoulders. It didn't diminish my need for my mom, but it did help make it bearable. Thankfully I've been close to home the last 9 years. We're now facing the need for hospice and I know this parting will be more painful... but I have faith that I'll see her in Heaven, and that I'll be reminded of her love in the smell of fresh bread, the sound of the ocean, and the view of the mountains. I just hope I can share that love as selflessly as she did. *hugs from one daughter to another*

Sarav19
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

I came on here looking for support or someone who knew what I was going through and I found your post. If you take out Mom and put Dad that is exactly how I feel. He died on October 22, 2009 and I go through those same feelings every day. It was so hard to watch him suffer the way he did but I still wish that he was still here with me. I have tried to go on with my life and work and try to keep myself busy to not think about how much I miss him, but nothing ever helps Most of the time it is overwhelming and I don't know how there will ever be a time where it won't feel this way. I have found comfort in believing that he is still with me, that somehow he hasn't left me completely. Sometimes I will be walking and I swear I can smell his cologne. It's not the same as if he were actually giving me a hug but it helps a little. Grief happens in it's own way for everyone, people go through the five stages at different times, but everyone grieving will always go through them, and even when it feels like your the only person having to deal with it you find that your not alone. Thank you for sharing your story and making me feel a little less alone in this.

santafe2323
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2010

My thoughts and prayers go out to all in this discussion board on your losses, be it Mom, Dad, sister, brother or other relative, friend, co-worker. Remember that only you know how longer your grief must last. Do not let anyone tell you that it is now time to get back to normal. Many will try to infer that your grieving time is over, snap out of it. That is entirely wrong. I read a book on grieving and it helped me a lot. It was called "Grieving - A Beginners guide". It helped me know that no one's experience of loss will be the same as mine. It is ok for me to be sad, sick, crying. Do not minimize your experience or anyone else's. It will take time.
And for me it has. My mother died June 9, 2008 of lung cancer. She lived her life to the fullest at 88 years and all her family misses her a great deal. During my grief I placed pictures of my mother and dad (who preceeded her death by 35 years) all around the house. I would call up conversations and frequent crying episodes at home and address the pictures to "talk with them both". It helped. I talk to mom throughout my day. It is a pleasure. I am functioning better after 1-1/2 years, but the grieving process still continues.

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