2 months ago today I was diagnosed

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I can't even think of a reply. I am sure some sound advise will pop up on here shortly. I am only about a month into this. Sunk in? I don't know how to even define sunk in. I feel surrounded by it. Like some strange invader changed my life unexpectedly. My kids like yours are used to what my daughter calls SUPERMOM. She is having a hard time with the concept. I told my husband just the other day that sometimes it feels like a bad dream and I should be waking up. I think it is a process- like grief. The numb serves a purpose because if we allowed it all to sink in too fast it would be too much to handle. So our brain just gives us bits and pieces til we can catch up. I have no real advise. I just wanted you to know your never alone here. Someone or a great many someones have walked the same halls asking the same questions. Unfortunately and fortunately for us. I am sorry to hear that your husband and you are struggling through this also. Try to be patient, but remember you are the patient so don't try to be the fixer to much. I think I am learning that my kids and husband need me to need them. It is helpful to them to be part of the process not stand by and feel like they can't do anything. I don't know what is going on with your husband- but face it he's a man so he needs his ego stroked. Maybe just a kind word about him doing something helpful will change is attitude. I am sure he may be feeling a bit scared and unable to fix this.

Hope something here helps. If not know that you are in my thoughts. More answers are coming. Someone else will have great advise.

roseann4 said:

Hi Kari!
Good for you! Venting is an important part of our healing. Based on the comments I have read on this site, one thing we have in common (besides the BC diagnosis) is being strong and giving women. With this diagnosis, we now become people in crisis who have needs. For our family and friends this could be the first time they have been called to be there for us. I married very young, and I remember seeing a movie about breast cancer called, "First You Cry" with Mary Tyler Moore. I was terrified and asked my ex if he would still love me if I lost a breast to cancer. He said, "I don't know". In that moment I knew I had chosen badly and within a few years we were divorced. He had fallen in love with someone else. No big surprise. I am now remarried to a man who loves me very much and I wouldn't even have needed to ask that question.

In these times, we find out who is in our corner. Your husband may come around but if not that's information you need to know. Since my diagnosis in Feb., I have changed in so many ways. I have discovered the word "no" when I really don't want to do something, when I'm asked where I want to go for dinner I tell them. In the past, I would say I didn't care and would have had trouble coming up with an answer. I was totally disconnected with my own needs. Not anymore! I still care about others but not at the expense of my own wellbeing. This is a journey with many lessons and some of them are painful. But YES it does get easier so don't dispair. I'm done with treatments and feel great. Life goes on with the ups and downs but I'm enjoying the ride much more because now I know that nobody knows how long it will last.

Please do something nice for yourself today.

Roseann

Kari - I'm so sorry ... I agree with always and roesann4
Our lives have forever changed because of breast cancer.

I read somewhere that 50% of happy marriages do end up in divorce because of cancer. I don't know why .. my answer not educated, but a guess is that we women are the strong ones, so when some happens to us like bc - it turns our world upside down. Nothing make sense - my zest for life is no longer present. My zest to stay connected to family and friends is also no longer present - my situation only. I realize this and try very hard to stay connected.

I do know - 1 thing -- life will never be the same for us. Cancer counseling for family members and cancer patients is available. How to deal .. I am checking into this for my family and myself.

Prayers to you and your family,

VickiSam

pinkkari09 said:

Thank you
I just needed to know that it's ok to have these feelings and that this does happen, and that I'm not alone. Each and every word I have just read makes sense coming from women in my position. It's a tough ride and no matter the results I know it's God's will for me and in the end it's all going to be ok. I just wish my husband would be nice, but maybe it's suppose to be this way so that I do truly see the "real him". Thank you again

This BC thing
is such a rollercoaster ride. Its great that you have your children and faith to keep you strong. However, come here anythime you need support and or advise. Best wishes.

Kari
First i just want to tell you how sorry i am that you are having such a difficult time right now. In my situation i was diagnosed at 36. I am a single mom of three ages 15,13 and 11. I was in denial for a long time. I posted something similar to someone else already today about this. I thought ok, ive been told i have bc, was shocked totally. Then its like i put up this shield and wouldnt allow myself to let it sink in. I had to stay strong to fight it. I couldnt let my kids see me upset, because i didnt want them to worry about me. I wanted them to think i was so strong and could fight all of this crap on my own. I thought that if i broke down, and actually accepted my diagnoses and realized what it really was, that i wouldnt be able to fight it. Then one day it just all came crashing into me. I was like omg i really do have bc. I really did have a double mastectomy. I really do have to go through chemo. It really is all happening and really is reality. I was a mess. I cried and got so mad. It took me a while, but i realized that feeling this way about it all was totally normal and totally ok. We all go through an emotional roller coaster through all this and its funny that even though we are the ones who are battling this, and need to be there for ourselves, we still worry about everyone else and want to take care of them first. We have to take care of ourselves to though. You have to realize that. You are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are going through. Know that. Keep your head up. I hope things work out with your husband too. Im sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else. Ok, ive just been babbling too on all my postings today. I dont know what my deal is, just know you arent alone and keep posting and venting here. Im with you, keep fighting for our beautiful children. My kids are my rock and my whole life. Fight for you to.

take care
laura