Cancer Survivors Network

My husband has RCC and is on Afinitor. I know that we have only a little time for it to kick in and work. Don is still active and trying to lead a normal life. He has a pretty positive attitude.

He has four kids. Two are stable and self-supporting. The son is managing on his own in his own way, no job, but he gets by okay. They are all five hours north of us.

The youngest has just turned 22. She is bi-polar, but has been stable for three years. She is spoiled rotten, has a fresh mouth, lives in great comfort in her mother's house five minutes away and has been fired from every job she's ever had. Since she has no bills that she herself must pay, that rarely bothers her. Since the time three years ago when she began to crash off her meds while driving, her mother refuses to let her have a car.

Don loves all his kids and, especially now, he wants to see them able to support themselves and do well.

The youngest, J,, just got a job. Amazing in itself and a tribute to her mother's nagging which she does periodically. It is from 9:30-1:30. She assumed that my husband would drive her. I could see that those hours would be very difficult for my husband. He normally manages breakfast at 9-9:30, lunch and a nap at 1-1:30. I wanted him to have rest and food and also a chance to do what he likes, especially now. I called J and told her exactly where we were and that her dad needed rest and asked her firmly to find other transportation. She sniffled and said she would. Do I need to tell you that my husband is driving her? I should also add that after four days on the job (we're into the second week now), she may be ready when he comes, but she doesn't want to leave until the very last minute. He is hungry, but he has to wait for her.

And now the piece de resistance.

My husband's cancer is now coming out in lumps under the skin. THree of them are especially bothersome. The oncologist agreed that they should come out. The surgeon and dr. both want it done as soon as possible. For one thing the one on his face may shortly become an open sore. The arrangements were just made. However, the preadmittance appt. is for 9AM Mon. and the surgery for 10AM Tues. These times are very upsetting to my husband because..... how will J. get to work?

I do try to do my best for everyone. (J. has beaten me up and attempted to do it to both her dad and me -- and once it was strictly a temper tantrum, no bi-polar involved, but I'm still decent to her, try hard to be at least courteous, etc.) However, I am so upset now that I am seriously considering upsetting my husband a lot by asking him what is more important -- his health or J's ride to work.

Any advice would be very welcome. I don't know what to do anymore.