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My Mom

lnvkjt
Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2009

My mom is passing from ovarian cancer. she is here at home with me. She is so young, only 63. I have never used a chat room or discussion board before, but hopefully i can get some help. I'm scared, i'm scared about what to do, what to expect, what ...i'm just very scared. She has been seeing "people" in the room such as my grandfather who passed 26 yrs ago, she also asks for her brother who's been gone longer. She talks gibberish and doesn't recognize me. I feel so alone.

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

are you the only family she has ? if not ask the other family members or friends to help. get hospice to come in and help you. sounds like your mother is not in pain but is readying for her final journey. right now you are the one who needs comfort and some guidance through this. hospice can guide you but family and friends are your comfort, ask for it.

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 624
Joined: Nov 2005

recently went through exactly this situation with his mother. Now, I live 900 miles away and, of course, could not be there to relieve him in his daily vigil with his mother. But he and I did talk online every day. He was able to 'let go' with me in a way he could not do with his close family members, not wanting to add to their burden. The daily contact was also of great benefit to me as his mother was my dear friend as well.
Try to find someone, either in 'real time' or online or however you can who you feel free to relate to in a very real way but who is not directly involved with this daily struggle. It will help you tremendously to be able to vent and get things off your chest. Also consider grief counseling. There is just no reason to go through this alone.
God bless.

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

"Invkjt"...
Coming here was a good thing for you. You will get a lot of support and coaching.
My mother just passed from breast cancer last week.
Several weeks before she passed away she was seeing and speaking to people that were not there. In fact, most of the people she was speaking to or about had already passed away.
She had tumors in her brain where the breast cancer had metastasized to.
She did not recognize me or her son (my husband) at times. I remember one day I gave her a bath and changed her clothes and bedding. I went out of the room to put stuff away and when I came back she was calling me by another name and talking about me... good stuff - she told me how wonderful the bath was and how good I was (that was really nice for me to hear).
Some say it is best to orient the person but I found that often it was more frightening to my mother-in-law to keep insisting. It was her way of making peace with her situation.
You can expect at some time that your mom will not eat or drink. It is part of the dying process and you do not need to force her to eat or drink.
I assume that you are being assisted by hospice care. Talk to them about liquid medicines so that you can continue to keep her comfortable once she is unable to take anything by mouth.
It IS a scary scary thing to go through. It can be tough in so many ways.
Keep talking to her even though it seems she does not recognize you. Play her favorite music, put her favorite TV shows on, make her favorite foods.
Please keep coming back to the discussion boards and sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Fatima

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

I had never participated in a discussion board until I came here. It is really helpful. I can understand your fear. My husband, also 63, is now on hospice. So far he is doing well mentally, but the unknown is always scary. It worked with a church group that visited sick and dying people for awhile. The reports of the ill person seeing those who have gone before them is common. In fact, it is so common, that I am not willing to say that they don't actually see these people. Maybe they are guides for the dying person to help them make the journey. We also heard from many after a death that they felt the loved one had come back to guide them through difficult days. Some of these people weren't sure if they should talk about it because they didn't want people to think they were crazy.

My prayers are with you. I would agree that you need to contact hospice if you haven't already. Also find friends and relatives who might give you a break and provide a listening ear if possible. Each of us can only do our best. I know that you are a great comfort to your mom. Take care of yourself. Fay

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