Help! My husband is only 38 and we have 2 very young kids.
Only 5 months after chemo we find out it has also metastasized to the liver and the outlook is not good. We are now in stage 4 and the doctor says he's best guess is my husband has 5 years. I don't even know what that means! I'm so frustrated I just want to give up! I don't know how what to deal with first, my husband's grief, my own, talking to the kids, the finances. My husband is the sole provider in this household. Most of all I do not want to take these 2 babies to their father's funeral one day!
Cher
Comments
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sweetie, my heart aches for
sweetie, my heart aches for you. you must get help. call your primary care doctor, the hospital or clinic that is caring for your husbands needs and they will direct you to help. there are all kinds of support for families like yours. don't delay! don't be timid about this just ask and someone will help. please do not wait call tomorrow it is so important for you and the children no matter the outcome for your husband. it will make him rest easier knowing that you have taken this step and, may indeed extend his life just not having to worry about his family. please let this site know how everything is going. my thoughts are with you, there is hope. think of one day at a time but please! please! get support.0 -
thanks Suesue Siwek said:sweetie, my heart aches for
sweetie, my heart aches for you. you must get help. call your primary care doctor, the hospital or clinic that is caring for your husbands needs and they will direct you to help. there are all kinds of support for families like yours. don't delay! don't be timid about this just ask and someone will help. please do not wait call tomorrow it is so important for you and the children no matter the outcome for your husband. it will make him rest easier knowing that you have taken this step and, may indeed extend his life just not having to worry about his family. please let this site know how everything is going. my thoughts are with you, there is hope. think of one day at a time but please! please! get support.
Thank you for giving me some direction. My head is just spinning I can't even think straight. I just developed some kind of vertigo since this whole mess has started again only a week ago. The hospital taking care of my husband is huge, Stanford in Northern California to be exact. It's also about an hour away from home so I'll try my local hospital.0 -
Stanfordcvandre said:thanks Sue
Thank you for giving me some direction. My head is just spinning I can't even think straight. I just developed some kind of vertigo since this whole mess has started again only a week ago. The hospital taking care of my husband is huge, Stanford in Northern California to be exact. It's also about an hour away from home so I'll try my local hospital.
My husband also is being treated at Stanford. I don't know what kind of local hospital you are near, but as I'm sure you know, Stanford is one of the best Cancer Centers in the nation. I would do all of my inquiries there. It takes us about an 1 and a half hours [with no traffic or accidents of course] we travel from Lodi,ca.
Of course your local hospital may be better than ours.
Hope you can resolve this soon, Trish0 -
We've felt like we've been in good hands with Standford the last year. That's why it totally threw me for a loop when they told him he had 5 years. I feel like we've just started our battle and they're giving up on us.trish07 said:Stanford
My husband also is being treated at Stanford. I don't know what kind of local hospital you are near, but as I'm sure you know, Stanford is one of the best Cancer Centers in the nation. I would do all of my inquiries there. It takes us about an 1 and a half hours [with no traffic or accidents of course] we travel from Lodi,ca.
Of course your local hospital may be better than ours.
Hope you can resolve this soon, Trish0 -
stanford is the place! ancvandre said:thanks Sue
Thank you for giving me some direction. My head is just spinning I can't even think straight. I just developed some kind of vertigo since this whole mess has started again only a week ago. The hospital taking care of my husband is huge, Stanford in Northern California to be exact. It's also about an hour away from home so I'll try my local hospital.
stanford is the place! an hour drive is nothing. start there first they can advise your doctor locally the will work in concert with on another you just have to initiate.0 -
i might add, they don't knowcvandre said:We've felt like we've been in good hands with Standford the last year. That's why it totally threw me for a loop when they told him he had 5 years. I feel like we've just started our battle and they're giving up on us.
i might add, they don't know that your husband has 5 years! my husband was told that there was nothing they could do 9+ years ago, we went somewhere else and he is still with us. get on with your life enjoy the good moments, this will create a loving memory for your children and who knows tomorrow some new treatment my appear.0 -
sounds so goodsue Siwek said:i might add, they don't know
i might add, they don't know that your husband has 5 years! my husband was told that there was nothing they could do 9+ years ago, we went somewhere else and he is still with us. get on with your life enjoy the good moments, this will create a loving memory for your children and who knows tomorrow some new treatment my appear.
I love hearing that. Thank you for the encouragement and good for your hubby! My husband is very determined to fight. He tells me he loves me and the kids too much to just give up. He has defied some odds. When he was in chemo he was told he had no choice but to have a feeding tube inserted because he was no longer able to eat. No matter how painful it was, my husband took Ensure 3x a day and never needed that feeding tube. He is amazing!0 -
we're still in Standfordsue Siwek said:stanford is the place! an
stanford is the place! an hour drive is nothing. start there first they can advise your doctor locally the will work in concert with on another you just have to initiate.
We will stay in Standford but I would like to ask about some experimental drugs to see what they say.0 -
ask about clinical trials
ask about clinical trials going on. usually there are many, my husband was in one for about 6 months and it shrunk his tumor but he couldn't take the side effects. it is well worth trying especially if your choices are limited. i am sure you can call stanford and be put in touch with the department that handles clinical trials. even if it doesn't work it is a selfless thing to do and could help others, we looked upon the choice of a clinical trial as his only chance and it did keep him going until another approved drug came along. this could extend his life long enough for that to happen for your husband as well. there is always hope that is what keeps us all going.0 -
will dosue Siwek said:ask about clinical trials
ask about clinical trials going on. usually there are many, my husband was in one for about 6 months and it shrunk his tumor but he couldn't take the side effects. it is well worth trying especially if your choices are limited. i am sure you can call stanford and be put in touch with the department that handles clinical trials. even if it doesn't work it is a selfless thing to do and could help others, we looked upon the choice of a clinical trial as his only chance and it did keep him going until another approved drug came along. this could extend his life long enough for that to happen for your husband as well. there is always hope that is what keeps us all going.
I will definitely have my husband bring it up on his next appt. I believe they want to do more chemo before exploring other measures but we will ask. I'm not sure if that's the doctors choice or ours. Do we have to ask for it or do we wait for his doc to recommend it? Looks like there's a lot of hope out there with new drugs coming out. What has helped me thru this nightmare is doing the research. Somehow it makes me feel we still have some control.0 -
i have learned through thecvandre said:will do
I will definitely have my husband bring it up on his next appt. I believe they want to do more chemo before exploring other measures but we will ask. I'm not sure if that's the doctors choice or ours. Do we have to ask for it or do we wait for his doc to recommend it? Looks like there's a lot of hope out there with new drugs coming out. What has helped me thru this nightmare is doing the research. Somehow it makes me feel we still have some control.
i have learned through the years to never wait for the doctors to bring it up, for that matter in all things in life being proactive is usually best. i would not wait until the next appointment call now, they will have a list of trials open to you. the controls are very tight so that the trial is kept true to the narrow definition of each trial. for instance my husbands trial required that a reoccurrence of the tumor had occurred before he was accepted in to the trial. if you don't know where to start try the oncologist office. good luck.0 -
I did not know thatsue Siwek said:i have learned through the
i have learned through the years to never wait for the doctors to bring it up, for that matter in all things in life being proactive is usually best. i would not wait until the next appointment call now, they will have a list of trials open to you. the controls are very tight so that the trial is kept true to the narrow definition of each trial. for instance my husbands trial required that a reoccurrence of the tumor had occurred before he was accepted in to the trial. if you don't know where to start try the oncologist office. good luck.
Then we will be proactive. We didn't know we could do that. I'm learning a lot of stuff from wonderful people like yourself here. I'm so glad I joined!0 -
I was in the clinical trials for Nexium!sue Siwek said:ask about clinical trials
ask about clinical trials going on. usually there are many, my husband was in one for about 6 months and it shrunk his tumor but he couldn't take the side effects. it is well worth trying especially if your choices are limited. i am sure you can call stanford and be put in touch with the department that handles clinical trials. even if it doesn't work it is a selfless thing to do and could help others, we looked upon the choice of a clinical trial as his only chance and it did keep him going until another approved drug came along. this could extend his life long enough for that to happen for your husband as well. there is always hope that is what keeps us all going.
Great recommendation, Sue!
In 1999, I had "level B" esophageal erosion with a personal cancer history and a cousin who died from esophageal cancer, so I entered Astra Zeneca's clinical trial, successfully concluding the 30 day protocol with a perfectly clear esophagus. Clinical trials can work wonders.
Love and Courage!
Rick0 -
strange, my husbands name isterato said:I was in the clinical trials for Nexium!
Great recommendation, Sue!
In 1999, I had "level B" esophageal erosion with a personal cancer history and a cousin who died from esophageal cancer, so I entered Astra Zeneca's clinical trial, successfully concluding the 30 day protocol with a perfectly clear esophagus. Clinical trials can work wonders.
Love and Courage!
Rick
strange, my husbands name is rick too.0 -
hey rick! my husbands nameterato said:I was in the clinical trials for Nexium!
Great recommendation, Sue!
In 1999, I had "level B" esophageal erosion with a personal cancer history and a cousin who died from esophageal cancer, so I entered Astra Zeneca's clinical trial, successfully concluding the 30 day protocol with a perfectly clear esophagus. Clinical trials can work wonders.
Love and Courage!
Rick
hey rick! my husbands name is rick too!0
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