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Recent loss

Lou T
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2009

I am curious to receive feedback about how people are doing after a loss. Mine is recent...a month ago. I feel alone. My kids don't care. I took care of my wife.

I want to open a discussion on this.

Lou

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 624
Joined: Nov 2005

For the loss of your wife. And also that you do not feel supported by your kids.
I lost my mother 4 1/2 years ago. She had cancer in the past but died from other causes. I was her primary caregiver for several years.
Please remember that all the emotions surrounding your loss are very new and raw right now, both for yourself and your kids. Some people try to minimize the emotional pain by withdrawing from the place it is strongest. That would be you, for your kids. Hopefully, after a time, they will once again be able to come nearer to you without feeling that they are being inadequate in making it 'all better' for you (which I suspect is the main reason they are keeping some distance). Of course, that is small comfort for you right now.
I am glad you have come here and opened this thread because I fully expect that you are going to find some strong support and validation here which will help you through the next weeks or months. I also suggest that you look for a grief support group where you live. You might find such a group in your local ACS chapter or your church, if that applies, or a number of other places. Perhaps you have extended family or good friends who would be open to investing time and emotional energy in helping you cope with your grief. But, actually, it is going to be up to you to reach out and find the sources of comfort that best speak to your need.
This is a great first step and I am confident that you will once again find your 'footing' on solid ground.
God bless.

lakemtg
Posts: 11
Joined: Aug 2009

I just found out doctors cannot do anything more for my husband and they have not given us how long because we are to scared to know but I am scared to go through this and if you want to help me through it I appreciate it. I feel so bad for you and know I too will be going through this soon. I am so afraid of his suffering more then anything I just pray it will be better then I am imagining for him and he will go peacefully.

God Bless,
Kelly

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

it hurts like hell, sometimes i feel fine and accepting, others i feel as depressed as anyone can get...two days ago, i didnt want to leave my room, yesterday i felt normal as can be, today... i feel the need to share and read others wit similar problems, my comments are littered all over this forum....i feel alone even though im realy not a kid anymore, i feel like i still am esp. after losing my mom. i got a great job but a shaky future...so now i feel even more lost without my mom...i saw my mom die in front of my eyes..it was the toughest day of my life, but i figure i will see her again since everyone goes up there anyways..i'll just make sure to make an indent on earth to make my mom proud

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1155
Joined: May 2008

I am sorry, My husband died 4 months and 5 days ago. And i do feel so alone like you. I take one baby step at a time everything is so hard for me the house the bills the house is going in foreclosure my husbands road king is going back to harley, I lost him and i am losing everything else that we had together and that is making me so stressed out .My dr put me on a anti depressent 2 days ago to much on my plate he said. I go to the cematary every week and talk to him. I am on a new road that i will travel alone i hope my husband is with me on my new journey, I am scared i cry alot still , my two sons have there own problems so i try to not to bother them. When he first died i was so sad but because of all the other problems i am having it seems harder now then when he died. Please take care

michelle

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

Michelle and Lou,

Prayers for you and your families at your loss. I wish you peace and strength to get through this.

la seule 24
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2009

But just think, you were there for her and in her last moments she knew you were there.
You were Like in the moment that a person is born into this world, the 1st eyes you see
will always be with you. I been part of cancer, since 1989 and Now I lost my Mom to cancer. All my relatives stared to walk away, or not even bother to come there excuse
was "Well she was in her 80's" like she no longer had the right to live... Just remember that as you grow older more and more you will remember her little ways of doing things
and sometimes when you don't know what to do, her words will come into your mind, Yes it hurts, but some how we survive, and keep on going, and try to look at life again.
I am sorry my English is not the best. Write if you need I live in Berkeley, CA

sweeteee
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2009

Hi Lou,
I just lost my partner of 15 years James 3 weeks ago to lung cancer. He was in denial to the end but I knew it was coming. Doesn't make it any easier, though. It's the little, seemingly insignificant things that get to you, flowers planted by him early this summer, his coffe mug on the shelf, you know. I don't just feel alone, I am alone. James was very much a loner, except for me, so I became the same way. James was my best, and only, friend. I don't have any friends now and am geographically isolated from my family.
To cope, I went right back to work, it takes my mind off the sadness. Plus, of course, I need the money especially since 1/2 of the financial equation is gone. I'm in sales, so I talk with people, which helps with the lonliness.
I have joined a "loss" workshop which begins next week, one night a week for 6 weeks. I just joined a gym.
I can't sleep so I figure if I physically wear myself out, that will help. I don't really want to get any prescriptions.
And I'm enrolling in an art class today that will be held in the morning on one of my days off (I'm in sales so my days off are weird, not on weekends). I'm trying like crazy to fill my schedule with positive things that may help, and may help me make friends.
Wishing you the best on the same rocky path as me, Jan

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