How can I help my mom?

LuvMiMum
LuvMiMum Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I was so glad I found this site because it has given me a glimpse into the world of people who are living with and conquering this devastating disgnosis. Thank you so much for taking the time to post and help people like me cope!!!!

My mom is 59 and was dx this week (7/28/09) with stage IV colorectal cancer with mets to the lungs. She is facing chemo starting this August so I was hoping to get some suggestions for what I can do to support her (and my dad who is being so strong and amazing but needs taking care of too). I live an hour away but she is planning her treatments on Wedsnesdays so I can be with her on Fridays and weekends. I want to do something special in these early weeks to give her courage and strength as she faces the unknown. Any suggestions for things you wished for in those early days? What about for my dad? Any advise you could give me would touch my heart. This has been a great shock and sorrow but I take comfort in the stories of survivors and I am so glad this forum exists!!!

Love,
Rebecca

Comments

  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #2
    sorry
    I am very sorry to hear about your mother.I was dx stage III,going on stage IV,and did chemo,and radiation at the same time.It depends on what type of chemo your mother does,and if she does any radiation.none of it is pleasant,but it is doable as you can tell by this website.She needs to be compfortable with her drs.and take notes.Alot of the information is overwhelming at first.My tumor was attached to my tailbone,so I was lucky.But your mother will need emotional support,and also know that stage IV is not a the end,there are several stage IV survivers on this website,and a lot of information,don't hesitate to ask.Don't bother to look at the statistics,they are out of date.The treatments for cancer has come a long way in the last few years,just try to keep her thinking positive,that will help alot.I will say a prayer for her.I hope this helps.
  • nudgie
    nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
    #3
    Survivor
    Being a cancer survivor for 3 years and looking back on what helped me as a mother, here is what did:

    a) Family
    b) Friends
    c) Church
    d) Trying to keep my daily routine
    e) Finding this discussion board
    f) My Care Team (Drs, nurses, others, etc)

    The most impact was this board. It is hard to explain, but when you are DX with such a disease, you can only find comfort turning to someone who has gone through or who is fighting the same fight.

    Depending upon where you live and where you receive treatment, there are patient programs available through these centers as well as the American Cancer Society.

    ALSO, your semi-colon family here is available for you and your mother 24/7, 365 for whatever it may be
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #4
    A Stage IV, Rebecca
    Mornin' Rebecca

    I'm Stage IV - colorectal cancer - mets to liver - mets to lung.

    I've been living with Cancer now in my 6th year, so I'm one of those that have been battling the illness but still around to talk and help people new to this. I know another fellow who's been at this with me the same length of time, so we are some of the "old-timers" with the disease but we are both still going at it.

    Click on my name and you can see my story and what the procedures, treatments, and surgeries that I've gone through in my journey.

    I would take some of this time for you guys to try and enjoy some time doing something that you enjoy - very shortly the game will be on and there will be some good days and some hard days, and there will be plenty of time to worry and go through the journey you are about to embark on.

    Watch some comedy TV or movie...just sit and talk with each other...have a nice dinner and try to steer your mind away from this "for now." Worrying every second will not help you and will rob you of some good memories that you can build now - and ones you build for the future. You have to take a periodic break every now and then in the battle, because it can become all inconclusive.

    Just remember that the Cancer did not show up over night - it took years to develop. It won't go away over night, so my point is do some living from time to time, because devoting every second to this, which you will want to do, will only burn you all out.

    Think of it like this...remember the fable about the Tortoise and the Hare? The race is not always won by the swiftest - stead even steps will get you to the finish line and the desirec result just as well! So don't get discouraged if things don't happen on a timetable. Cancer does not know a timetable.

    I like to be honest with new people...how I wish I had found this site when I was first diagnosed and could get the advice I've read about - I did not know about this place and learned everything the hard way and had no family or friends interested in helping me, so my 5+ year journey has been primarily alone - by myself to deal with all of this.

    I just signed up to the board about 6 weeks ago and have been trying to offer new people information that I wish I had when I started.

    I'm hoping this helps you some. And someone will always be here to help you when you have questions or concerns - really great people here, the best.

    Take care and was nice meeting you.

    -Craig
  • pluckey
    pluckey Member Posts: 484 Member
    #5
    How can I Help My Mom
    Rebecca-
    1st off, I'm sorry you had to find your way here because of Mom's DX, but you will find alot of info and support here.

    It is such a shock to the system when it all starts. So, in addition to the suggestions already posted, find out what chemo your mom will be on as they all have different side effects.

    I was given no info prior to starting chemo regarding preventative measures for some of the side effetcts.

    One side effect that happens after a few cycles (for me anyway) is Mouth Sores. Buy some Biotene toothepaste and mouthwash- no alcahol, not so minty so it doesn't burn your mouth. It's good for dry mouth, which happens on chemo too.

    Dry Skin- chemo sucks it all out of you - get some good moisturizers- no fragrance to make sure your mom is lubed up every day..CeraVe, Eucarin...at local drugstores.

    I also found a skin care line created by onco nurses - Lindi skin care- very moisturizing and gentle. A little pricey, but if it's something your mom would be interested in, it's out there.

    Get a Chemo Bag ready - I have an ileostomy so I have to bring some personal care items with me but I stock my bag with a blanket, book, notecards, lip balm and hand cream.

    Not sure how your mom's appetite is- i lost 40 lbs and am fighting to gain weight, complicated by no tastebuds and mouth sores.

    Start stocking the freezer with portioned foods she can eat - soups etc whateer her and your Dad likes. People will bring lots of cassroles and lasagnas.

    that's all i can think of for now- best wishes to you as you start the journey. Remeber to ask for help and take time to recharge yourself- it's hard on the caregivers too- don't get burned out.

    Peggy
  • KFen725
    KFen725 Member Posts: 108 Member
    #6
    I'm in the same boat!
    Hi, Rebecca! I don't necessarily have any advice, but I just wanted to lend my sympathy to you. I am dealing with the same thing with my mom, who is 61 and was just diagnosed a little over a month ago with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to the liver.

    It is an absolutely awful thing to go through, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I will say a prayer for your mom. The good news is that there are a lot of new treatments out there and the statistics on the internet are WAY outdated, so do not be discouraged by what you read.

    Our moms are individual people with individual scenarios - they are not statistics!!

    Best wishes to you & your mom. Feel free to write with any questions.
  • LuvMiMum
    LuvMiMum Member Posts: 3
    #7
    pluckey said:

    How can I Help My Mom
    Rebecca-
    1st off, I'm sorry you had to find your way here because of Mom's DX, but you will find alot of info and support here.

    It is such a shock to the system when it all starts. So, in addition to the suggestions already posted, find out what chemo your mom will be on as they all have different side effects.

    I was given no info prior to starting chemo regarding preventative measures for some of the side effetcts.

    One side effect that happens after a few cycles (for me anyway) is Mouth Sores. Buy some Biotene toothepaste and mouthwash- no alcahol, not so minty so it doesn't burn your mouth. It's good for dry mouth, which happens on chemo too.

    Dry Skin- chemo sucks it all out of you - get some good moisturizers- no fragrance to make sure your mom is lubed up every day..CeraVe, Eucarin...at local drugstores.

    I also found a skin care line created by onco nurses - Lindi skin care- very moisturizing and gentle. A little pricey, but if it's something your mom would be interested in, it's out there.

    Get a Chemo Bag ready - I have an ileostomy so I have to bring some personal care items with me but I stock my bag with a blanket, book, notecards, lip balm and hand cream.

    Not sure how your mom's appetite is- i lost 40 lbs and am fighting to gain weight, complicated by no tastebuds and mouth sores.

    Start stocking the freezer with portioned foods she can eat - soups etc whateer her and your Dad likes. People will bring lots of cassroles and lasagnas.

    that's all i can think of for now- best wishes to you as you start the journey. Remeber to ask for help and take time to recharge yourself- it's hard on the caregivers too- don't get burned out.

    Peggy

    so helpful
    Thank you so much Peggy. Your post was really just want I needed in terms of concrete actions I can take to get us ready. She starts in just a week and a half and I was feeling a little helpless. I was thinking of preparing meals and having comforting things for her treatment days so you really nailed it down for me. Thank you for all the suggestions on products, too. About meals, what suggestions do you have for dishes? I know the docs have said multiple small meals throughout the day and I want to make them comforting, nutrient and calorie rich, and easy on her stomach. Were there any foods that upset your stomach that I should steer away from?

    Thank you for taking the time to help. I am so appreciative.

    -Rebecca
  • LuvMiMum
    LuvMiMum Member Posts: 3
    #8
    KFen725 said:

    I'm in the same boat!
    Hi, Rebecca! I don't necessarily have any advice, but I just wanted to lend my sympathy to you. I am dealing with the same thing with my mom, who is 61 and was just diagnosed a little over a month ago with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to the liver.

    It is an absolutely awful thing to go through, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I will say a prayer for your mom. The good news is that there are a lot of new treatments out there and the statistics on the internet are WAY outdated, so do not be discouraged by what you read.

    Our moms are individual people with individual scenarios - they are not statistics!!

    Best wishes to you & your mom. Feel free to write with any questions.

    Thank you!
    This site has been a huge resource and support center that has really given me the hope that I needed after the initial shock of her diagnosis. All my research has shown that people are living longer, more fulfilling lives with the new drug regimens and team approaches to cancer treatment. Personally, I believe that my mom is going to survive this, I just want to do all I can to help her.

    Thank you for your prayers and I will send one out for your mom as well.

    -Rebecca
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    #9
    LuvMiMum said:

    Thank you!
    This site has been a huge resource and support center that has really given me the hope that I needed after the initial shock of her diagnosis. All my research has shown that people are living longer, more fulfilling lives with the new drug regimens and team approaches to cancer treatment. Personally, I believe that my mom is going to survive this, I just want to do all I can to help her.

    Thank you for your prayers and I will send one out for your mom as well.

    -Rebecca

    just a thought or two
    Hi Rebecca,

    I think one of the greatest gifts I had while going through treatment came in bundles, generally from my own mother :) She wasn't there for all my treatments, but when she was there I began to wish it was for all of them!

    First she would take stock of my kitchen supplies and then either go to the store herself or send one of my kids- and then she would clean both the kitchen and bathroom (don't know about your mom, but I had a colostomy and my bathroom just needed to be cleaned by someone who cared about me- especially as my treatments left me so weak and unable to clean it myself). She would cook- always had ideas of things I would eat. Soups she would have me try and then change a bit. Would then freeze them up so my kids could reheat them. My home just had a different feel when she was there, like I could relax and rest.

    A couple of things I found helpful from others- I had a disc player, would listen to audio books from the library. Either during infusions or laying in bed not able to sleep.

    I would say that remaining positive with a healthy outlook is GOOD and your mom will sense that. Looking back on the last year, I am so very grateful for my mother and what she gave to me. In those moments she taught me more about our relationship than anything. It was the greatest of all gifts and did more to sustain me and get me through the toughest of times than anything else did.

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