Dealing with the death of a loved one when you haven't been given a good prognosis yourself

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beckyracn
beckyracn Member Posts: 322
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
Last year I was diagnosed with stage IV A cervical cancer. I took on the battle and in Dec. '08 was declared in remission. My progronosis was a 20-30% chance of surviving 5 years. I know there is so much out there that keeps us going longer theses days, but ... after holding my mother-in-laws hand today and pronouncing her death...the fear came back. I've been doing the live life one day at a time, excepting it, enjoying them as much as possible, but a day like today makes me take two steps back and really look at the bigger picture. Should I start being more proactive in getting my affairs together so that in the event...the transition will be much more smoothly for my loved ones? Or continue to live one day at a time, believing I'm going to be one of those that beats the odds and worry about the small stuff later on? Brains definitely in limbo right now...could use some good advice.

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  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #2
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    I am very sorry...
    about your mother in law. Assuming (as I am) that you chose to be by her side when she departed, I must say I admire your courage. When I was in (and even far beyond) treatment, the last thing I wanted to have anything to do with was the illness or passing (or even hearing about) of anyone else. I suppose I hoped that if I ignored 'mortality issues' they would just go away and we would all live forever.
    Fast forward...I am now 23+ years a survivor and turned 61 last month after 3 cancer diagnoses over a span of 10 years. You just never know what the future holds.
    As for getting 'things' in order, I finally sat down with a small spiral note book and jotted down where everything was kept and who to notify 'in case' and such few things as that. My family knows where the notebook is kept if it is ever needed. (Kinda hoping the Lord returns and takes us all together at one time.) Anyhow, I made no references to my funeral or anything negative like that because I want my family to do just as they choose and do it however best helps them cope at the time. I really don't care one whit about the details. But that's just me. I suggest you do whatever makes you comfortable and let the chips fall where they may. Whoever has to cope will cope. It is what it is.
    God bless.

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