Life is what you make of it

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longingforhope
longingforhope Member Posts: 60
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
Today can be however you choose it to be even with cancer or as a burned out care giver.

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  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    #2
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    Would that it be so simple.
    longing,

    I used to admire Chicago Bulls coach, Phil Jackson, for his Zen approach to basketball, taking things in stride, learning as much from losses as wins, but then, he had Michael Jordan! Would that life with cancer be as simple as pro basketball, that losing a lung, breast, testicle, or loved one, as easy to deal with as losing a game. However, when one is dealing with the devastation that is cancer, emotions take on a Mercurial existence, often beyond personal philosophy. When we act in ways not generally in our better natures it is only because we are dealing with an "unreasonable" unpredictable disease. "Today" can either be a pleasant lunch with friends, or one's head in the vomit pail, cancer's choice nor ours.

    Love, Courage, and Happy Fourth of July!

    Rick
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #3
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    Life how you choose it...
    Umm, excuse me? I did not choose to have a family member suffer from cancer, did not choose to be the caregiver, did not choose to turn my life upside down - I love my mother-in-law and want to make her life lovely and comfortable as it comes to a close. But there are many sacrifices I have to make to do that and, frankly, I get angry and feel quite helpless sometimes. I want to go to social functions, go to a movie, lots of things - but am obliged to be home to take care of her. I could CHOOSE to to take a business dinner, but could not live with my conscience of leaving her alone for so long.
    On the other hand, I am trying to embrace the time I have with her. She tells cute stories of her life and I picked up a digital recorder so that I can record them and upload them to my computer. Hopefully I can create a fun webpage with soundbites and pictures.
    Fatima
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #4
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    Life how you choose it...
    Umm, excuse me? I did not choose to have a family member suffer from cancer, did not choose to be the caregiver, did not choose to turn my life upside down - I love my mother-in-law and want to make her life lovely and comfortable as it comes to a close. But there are many sacrifices I have to make to do that and, frankly, I get angry and feel quite helpless sometimes. I want to go to social functions, go to a movie, lots of things - but am obliged to be home to take care of her. I could CHOOSE to to take a business dinner, but could not live with my conscience of leaving her alone for so long.
    On the other hand, I am trying to embrace the time I have with her. She tells cute stories of her life and I picked up a digital recorder so that I can record them and upload them to my computer. Hopefully I can create a fun webpage with soundbites and pictures.
    Fatima
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #5
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    SonSon said:

    Life how you choose it...
    Umm, excuse me? I did not choose to have a family member suffer from cancer, did not choose to be the caregiver, did not choose to turn my life upside down - I love my mother-in-law and want to make her life lovely and comfortable as it comes to a close. But there are many sacrifices I have to make to do that and, frankly, I get angry and feel quite helpless sometimes. I want to go to social functions, go to a movie, lots of things - but am obliged to be home to take care of her. I could CHOOSE to to take a business dinner, but could not live with my conscience of leaving her alone for so long.
    On the other hand, I am trying to embrace the time I have with her. She tells cute stories of her life and I picked up a digital recorder so that I can record them and upload them to my computer. Hopefully I can create a fun webpage with soundbites and pictures.
    Fatima

    stuttering internet connection
    ...sorry - my internet connection stuttered and somehow my post loaded twice...If anyone knows how to remove the duplicate I'd love to know how.
  • longingforhope
    longingforhope Member Posts: 60
    #6
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    terato said:

    Would that it be so simple.
    longing,

    I used to admire Chicago Bulls coach, Phil Jackson, for his Zen approach to basketball, taking things in stride, learning as much from losses as wins, but then, he had Michael Jordan! Would that life with cancer be as simple as pro basketball, that losing a lung, breast, testicle, or loved one, as easy to deal with as losing a game. However, when one is dealing with the devastation that is cancer, emotions take on a Mercurial existence, often beyond personal philosophy. When we act in ways not generally in our better natures it is only because we are dealing with an "unreasonable" unpredictable disease. "Today" can either be a pleasant lunch with friends, or one's head in the vomit pail, cancer's choice nor ours.

    Love, Courage, and Happy Fourth of July!

    Rick

    another perspective
    Rick,

    You made several points BUT I personally have found on the good days, not the bad, that you can choose to live life that day or continue on the treadmill of why me, this sucks, everyone feel sorry for me and my hub and it gets you nowhere. We don't get to pick what days they feel well but when they do we have to rise above the beast and be thankful that we are still breathing. Self pity does not help heal cancer or put you in a NED stage.

    As always I enjoy everyone's point of view but hey lets have as many normal days as possible because you don't know when you will be called Home.

    Hope
  • longingforhope
    longingforhope Member Posts: 60
    #7
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    SonSon said:

    Life how you choose it...
    Umm, excuse me? I did not choose to have a family member suffer from cancer, did not choose to be the caregiver, did not choose to turn my life upside down - I love my mother-in-law and want to make her life lovely and comfortable as it comes to a close. But there are many sacrifices I have to make to do that and, frankly, I get angry and feel quite helpless sometimes. I want to go to social functions, go to a movie, lots of things - but am obliged to be home to take care of her. I could CHOOSE to to take a business dinner, but could not live with my conscience of leaving her alone for so long.
    On the other hand, I am trying to embrace the time I have with her. She tells cute stories of her life and I picked up a digital recorder so that I can record them and upload them to my computer. Hopefully I can create a fun webpage with soundbites and pictures.
    Fatima

    You made the choice
    Fatima

    Already you made the choice to be miserable and that is sad. Do you honestly think you are the only one who gave up their life to be a cargeiver because I have news for you you ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I gave up nursing school and a health care job to care for my husband for the past 11 months and I am only 45 years old. My oldest daugther gave up her senior year of high school and my youngest gave up her freshman year. So don't tell me about giving up and say excuse me.

    We all go through Hell there's no other way to say it BUT you can eventually make the good days as good as they can be and try to endure the bad days or spend months or years being miserable. And if there is no other family to help there are private sitters who would come and sit with her and she would probably enjoy someone upbeat to share her stories with.

    So before you judge me or any other care giver look in the mirror and remember you are going to work, you do have a life, and you do have choices. You are choosing to be angry and that will get you know where.

    Life is what you make of it even with cancer.

    Hope
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #8
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    longingforhope said:

    You made the choice
    Fatima

    Already you made the choice to be miserable and that is sad. Do you honestly think you are the only one who gave up their life to be a cargeiver because I have news for you you ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I gave up nursing school and a health care job to care for my husband for the past 11 months and I am only 45 years old. My oldest daugther gave up her senior year of high school and my youngest gave up her freshman year. So don't tell me about giving up and say excuse me.

    We all go through Hell there's no other way to say it BUT you can eventually make the good days as good as they can be and try to endure the bad days or spend months or years being miserable. And if there is no other family to help there are private sitters who would come and sit with her and she would probably enjoy someone upbeat to share her stories with.

    So before you judge me or any other care giver look in the mirror and remember you are going to work, you do have a life, and you do have choices. You are choosing to be angry and that will get you know where.

    Life is what you make of it even with cancer.

    Hope

    Leave it for the dogs...
    I'll leave the pee-ing contest for the dogs.
    I am not going to enter a conversation about whose situation is worse, who made more sacrifice... I wake up in my shoes and you in yours.
    If someone expresses anger, resentment, frustration or other similar emotions I would hope that I could at least offer a compassionate ear and not judge them for expressing themselves.
    You did not even offer a suggestion as to how not to feel miserable.
    THANKS. If I want to feel more miserable I will come here and ask you.
    Fatima

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