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24-and just lost my husband june 11 2009 long battle. having a hard time, any advice?

Rons Angel
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2009

I am 24 years old my husband and i had a 23 year age difference. Got married in 2006.we found the cancer a year later, we had been together for 5 years, i was pregnant when we found out, trips up to rochester, mn off and on, spent every weekend going up there until i was due in feb. My husband was able to be there for the birth, in april a surgery, in october we got the call that it had grown, June he passed and I have a 1 year old. Having a hard time dealing with this, my husband and i had a very special bond and i feel like its not real right now, a lot of whys? I spent every waking minute in the hospital with him taking care of him, bathing him, helping the nurses, i slept on a couch for a week and a half just so that i could be there for him, i watched him take his last breath and that is the worst feeling in the world. I don't know what's harder having a loved one pass instantly or watching them suffer, and die right in front of you. Please if anybody has any words of encourgement for me, that would be great. thank you, its so much easier hearing it from people that have been through this.

syrran
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so very sorry. I have found comfort in the book, "Praying Our Goodbyes" by Joyce Rupp. It has been very good for me.

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

In my limited experience, Ron's Angel, it is tougher to lose a loved one suddenly. Not while watching the suffering, of course, but in terms of the ability to cope. When a loved one dies unexpectedly, we have no time to prepare ourselves for death, as you were able to.

That is of little concern to you, I know, although you asked the question. I would advise that you find comfort in the fact your husband was able to experience the birth of his child, and that you had that wonderful moment of love and sharing what is, by nearly all accounts, a miracle, the miracle of birth.

Only time will heal, a trite saying, I know, but it is so. Hopefully, the tears you shed now in grief will become tears of joy as you recall the great times you had together.

It DOES get better, and you WILL move on. If your grief is so pervasive that it is affecting your ability to cope, then I suggest counseling. There is no shame in it. Sometimes, having a listening, caring, objective other to speak to can do wonders.

Best wishes for a long and happy life, for both you and your little one.

That is what your husband would want, after all. Do not forget that.

Take care,

Joe

mikebb79
Posts: 4
Joined: Jul 2005

Rons Angel, I can't imagine going through something like that. I'm not the most positive person in the world. Even when going through my own cancer stuff, I wasn't the most upbeat about it. But I would say to you that you were given a gi ft in your 1 year old. It sounds like you and your husband loved each other very much and your child will be a reminder of how much you did, every day. While it will definitely be hard for a while to deal with it, I think you'll find comfort that part of him is still alive with your child. If you ever want to chat, or just vent a little, feel free to contact me. Hope there was something in what I said that helped a little bit.

Mikebb79

mrshicks
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2009

Im going thru the same, I lost my husband in January 2009. We have 5 kids together.. Life is really hard, If you would like to email and talk, let me know.
Donna

Liz_1
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2009

I was 30 when my husband passed (he was 29)from colon cancer --I spent a month in one of those hospital chairs taking care of him. The hardest thing after his death was being left with this restless energy ---I realized I had been so passionate and dedicated about saving him/caring for him ... then there was nothing to fight for. All I had was a restlessness left. You'll find other sources for that energy in time... I can also tell you that the sounds and impressions of the night he died will soften ---they won't go away but the intensity will lessen...

As a caregiver survivor you truly have to choose to really live and not go through the motions of living...I made a list of things I wanted to do in life and forced myself to get up each day and start checking them off ---they can be as simple as learning a new constellation or listening to the waves of Lake Michigan...You can do it ---the numbness will wear off ---just give yourself time... -Hope this helps...it's my first posting, I'm new to the site...

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