Jun 12, 2009 - 1:29 pm
This week I found out my 34 year old boyfriend has been given 6 months to live (please read my profile for my complete story). I don't go through the denial stage I am those that sails straight into the anger, depression, bargaining stages all mixed into one. I've never had any form of life threatening illness or been close to anyone with one so this is very very new to me. I think this is probably the most painful thing I have experienced in my life. I just have so many questions and no one to ask because nobody I know has gone through this so they can't begin to understand the pain and emotions involved. The biggest decisions right now are can I convince him to get treatment and whether I should quit my job to be with him. This is his second time with cancer and he has told me he's not going in for treatment. He wants to enjoy his days and let the illness take its course. As a person who loves him and can't bear to lose him this idea is incomprehensible to me. I want to scream and throw stuff rip my hair out when he says he's going to just give up. I can't grasp this. This leads me to whether I should quit my job. I'm under an independent contractor status and I have no leave so that isn't a possibility. I just got my job 6 months ago after finishing my grad degree and I really like it, but it seems stupid compared to spending time with him. I know that if he decides to get treatment he will need me 24/7 and if he doesn't then shouldn't I spend every moment with him until the time comes? Shouldn't we travel and make memories I can keep forever? Besides if he really doesn't get treatment and things take their course I have decided I can't bear to stay living in this city where everything reminds me of him. See we have been inseparable since the day we met, I mean we spent soooo much time together because in the begining I didn't have a job so I was with him all the time. And now looking back I wonder if I felt this coming and that's why I spent all that time with him and it think it is the BEST thing in the world, I feel happy and content about those moments. If he's going to leave me don't I want the rest of his days to be like those when we had all the time in the world to be together? Please help me with any advice or experiences. I know its ultimately my decision but I would like some guidance.