my husband has gastrointestional cancer, has had 6 chemo treatments.

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jasmemphis
jasmemphis Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
He has a feeding tube - a JPEG - and has not eaten anything by mouth for about 3 months and has no interest in doing so. His only activity is to get from the bedroom to the room that has his computer and HD television. He watches the Food network or Discovery, etc., and has totally lost his creativity - doesn't read, doesn't go outdoors - occasionally goes to a movie with a son-in-law. I am about as alone as I can be - can't imagine how it could be worse if he passed away. Is there anyone out there who can cheer me on? Sometimes I just sit and cry. I am on three different meds for depression, anxiety, mood swings. I am thinking seriously of finding some sort of drug I can take that will put me out so I can sleep away the sadness and loneliness.

Thanks for listening. - Jolene / Memphis

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  • akbetty
    akbetty Member Posts: 38
    #2
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    I know it's hard
    Jolene, I know it's hard, but you have to find some way other than medication to keep yourself going. There's nothing wrong with the use of some meds if you need them, but what about support from friends or family right now? You have to remember that even though you aren't the one with cancer, you are going through a tough time yourself. Since your husband is struggling with his illness, he can't give you the support you need, so I suggest you call on those other relationships in your life for strength and encouragement. Sometimes I think other people fail to realize how desperately lonely many of us feel when we are caregivers for a spouse. We throw so much of our energy into taking care of others that friends and family might now realize we need help unless we ask for it. Believe me, there is always help here. My thoughts are with you and your husband, Betty
  • Tonia11
    Tonia11 Member Posts: 57
    #3
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    akbetty said:

    I know it's hard
    Jolene, I know it's hard, but you have to find some way other than medication to keep yourself going. There's nothing wrong with the use of some meds if you need them, but what about support from friends or family right now? You have to remember that even though you aren't the one with cancer, you are going through a tough time yourself. Since your husband is struggling with his illness, he can't give you the support you need, so I suggest you call on those other relationships in your life for strength and encouragement. Sometimes I think other people fail to realize how desperately lonely many of us feel when we are caregivers for a spouse. We throw so much of our energy into taking care of others that friends and family might now realize we need help unless we ask for it. Believe me, there is always help here. My thoughts are with you and your husband, Betty

    I kinda am in the same boat,
    I kinda am in the same boat, Jolene. My husband has stomach cancer as well. Surgery was not an option at the time of diagnosis. He's been thru 3 rounds of chemo and 20 sessions of radiation. We're waiting for his next set of scans to see if the radiation had any effect. My husband is able to eat and eats okay. But he sits in the same spot on the sofa or recliner all day every day. Sometimes he may play video games but most days he's on the sofa watching TV. He doesn't engage in any conversation with me or the kids. My kids just tip-toe around him most of the time which is not good. I know he's depressed but he won't admit it. I just don't know what to do. He says he wants help but I can't get him to go to the sessions unless I drag him myself. Sometimes I just feel like asking him "So do you WANT to lose this fight because that's how you are acting". But I know that would be insensitive. What am I to do????
  • lily33
    lily33 Member Posts: 27
    #4
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    Been there
    jasmemphis,

    I understand what you mean about your husband sitting around the house. When my husband recovered from his various surgeries all he wanted to do was sleep and sit on the couch to watch tv. He wasn't interested in anything and worse yet he never wanted me to leave his side. I found there was a fine line between helping him versus enabling him. I catered to him a lot and let him rest, but I also forced him to do the things I knew he COULD do. If he'd been sleeping for 4 hours and woke up to ask me for a drink-I would sometimes ask him to do it for himself. Eventually he would. Now don't get me wrong, he would get very mad at me and say things like I didn't care about him. Those things hurt a lot. I would always respond to him by saying that if I didn't love him I would just let him sit there in his depression and waste his life. It was because I cared that I pushed him sometimes to "come back to the land of the living" and leave his zombie world for a while.

    Eventually he started to do more and more on his own. His cancer now is inoperable, but there are still times I feel the need to "push" him to call friends or go out and move a little. Tell your husband that you are worried about his mood and how it is effecting you. I actually forced my husband to talk to the oncologist about his depression and it gave my husband the "permission" to seek help. Hang in there!

    lily33

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