May 22, 2009 - 5:59 pm
Wow. Not sure where to start. I have a need to vent - so I'm just going to do that. If no one answers back, that's ok - just putting my thots into words will help me. And who knows - may find someone out there who will share their wisdom with me :-)
My sister's husband has had Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma for 7 years. Two years ago it metestasized (sp?) and is now very agressive. He finished his SECOND stem cell transplant in Dec 2008. They have 3 children, ages 10, 14, and 16. My sister asked me to come stay with them last fall to help with the kids. Fortunately I am in a place in my life where I can do that. Snowbird - Washington State in the summer and Arizona in the winter. Except for this winter.
My brother-in-law is getting worse. We had really hoped this second transplant would work, but the cancer is so aggressive, those poor baby stem cells haven't had a chance to do their thing. His blood count is so low they won't do chemo. He had a transfusion two days ago, but it still didn't get his platelets up enuf. He is now taking much stronger pain medication - cancer is in his back now, plus a new node by his liver - but not in it, thank the Lord
My sister and I are the primary caregivers. She works in the morning, so I get him breakfast and lunch. We have him on the Dr. Johanna Budwig, flaxseed oil and cottage cheese diet. It has actually helped keep his weight up and it resolved some wart problems on his feet.
Most days I am eager to get up and start the day with him. He is so strong in faith, he is a joy to be around. The last few doctor visits have been disappointing and we are all starting to feel beaten down.
Sometimes I have awful thots. I feel terrible about the pain he is going through - and want it to end for him. But the only way for it to end is to die. I am not wishing him to die....I just want him to stop hurting.
When our father passed away last year, the biggest relief was he would no longer be in pain.
So, guess I should feel better now that I have vented. I think I do...thanks for reading.
God Bless you all