update on ohilly's hair/no more obsession

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ohilly
ohilly Member Posts: 441
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Okay, this is really strange: but after months of obsessing about my hair growing back thin, I totally am at peace and don't really care anymore! Is this weird or what? I think the reason is because I finally accepted my 'new normal.'(it also helped that I got a great new stylist). I don't know: has anyone else experienced this - being really upset about some aspect of cancer and then being totally at peace and accepting?! On the other hand, that's the way I tend to be: I obsess about things a lot, and then move on.

Jackie, you wanted an update so here goes: my hair looks much better, but I don't think it's really any thicker, I think it's just due to the way I'm styling it. I followed the advice of some people on this board and went to a really good stylist who camouflaged the thinness by making the top curly and adding highlights. I actually really like my new style now! I did go to a dermatologist one time, but I came to the conclusion that there is nothing they could really do for me except Rogaine, which I refuse to do, so I never went back and just decided to deal with it the way it is. I did a lot of research on Rogaine and discovered that it has horrible side effects (it can grow hair on your face and cause anxiety) and only helps a small percentage of the people who do it. In my opinion, it's not worth it. FYI, there are some good message boards about alopecia (hair loss). One is www.heralopecia.com, and for the other one, google 'Women's Hair Loss Project.' There are even some other breast cancer survivors on those sites who had trouble with their hair growing back, so we are not alone. For what it's worth, I think the Femara is the culprit in my thin hair - I have now read many stories on the internet from other women who have thinning hair from AIs, and if you think about it, it makes sense: your body is completely estrogen-starved, and estrogen makes hair grow. Plus, I started on Femara right after chemo, before my hair had a chance to grow back from the chemo, so it was a double whammy.

Anyway, I'm in a better place and not upset anymore.

Ohilly

Comments

  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #2
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    You made me smile!
    Hi Ohilly,

    It is so wonderful to hear from you and so wonderful to hear that you are at peace with your current hair situation. I know this was really a difficult thing for you to overcome which just makes it all that much more wonderful! Thank you for the update Ohilly and thank you for being you!

    Much Love,

    RE
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
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    I am smiling, too....
    I think that right after treatment is over, we are still in fighting mode, and so find things to be mad about, or at least to be an activist about. I was lucky, during this period I was chosen as a Legislative Ambassador for ACS, and got to travel to Washington, D.C. and meet up with 10,000 other advocates...so, I had an outlet for my fighting spirit!!!!

    But, yeah, acceptance is part of the process. It's great the day that I finally exhaled...and realized that I could start living again!

    I tip my hat to you, my dear...it's a sign that you are moving on, and comfortable with it!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #4
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    Good for you!
    Am so glad you've made peace with your new hair, the new you! A milestone, for sure. Acceptance brings peace, doesn't it? Don't you feel calmer now? I hope you feel BOTH - more at peace, and more calm! :-)

    I don't think it's unusual, at all, for us to obsess about something - no matter whether it is a natural inclination, or not. We can NOT obsess about the beast. Otherwise, we'd curl up into a fetal position, paralyzed with fear, unable to fight the battle. So - we direct that need towards something else. Kinda like an unconscious survivor mechanism...

    Prior to BC, I always had long hair - at least to my shoulders, or longer. After having NO hair - I just couldn't go back to all the effort & time involved with long hair maintenance. So, I keep my hair very short - sort of a "pixie" cut, I guess. Yes, it's thinner. But, not as noticeable because it's short - not long. To your point, Ohilly - most definitely, a good cut & style can make a huge difference. And a good hair stylist is your hair's best friend!

    By the way, my onc told me that it's common for BC survivors to change their hair style after treatment.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #5
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    KathiM said:

    I am smiling, too....
    I think that right after treatment is over, we are still in fighting mode, and so find things to be mad about, or at least to be an activist about. I was lucky, during this period I was chosen as a Legislative Ambassador for ACS, and got to travel to Washington, D.C. and meet up with 10,000 other advocates...so, I had an outlet for my fighting spirit!!!!

    But, yeah, acceptance is part of the process. It's great the day that I finally exhaled...and realized that I could start living again!

    I tip my hat to you, my dear...it's a sign that you are moving on, and comfortable with it!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    That's awesome, Kathi!
    I agree, wholeheartedly. Once treatment is complete, I believe many of us turn anger & frustration into action.

    THANK YOU!!!, for your efforts on behalf of ALL of us! And, on behalf of those in the future, who will (unfortunately) follow us.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    #6
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    I'm so happy that you like
    I'm so happy that you like your new look. Mine came back straight and thin when it finally came back in. It was starting to thicken up when they took me off Femara and put me on Tamoxifen. Now it is getting thin again. I need to find a new style, a short one because my hair grows so slowly anyway. Wish me luck on my quest. I'm so happy for you and yes, that feeling of peace is great.

    Love and Gentle Hugs,
    Donna
  • ohilly
    ohilly Member Posts: 441
    #7
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    djteach said:

    I'm so happy that you like
    I'm so happy that you like your new look. Mine came back straight and thin when it finally came back in. It was starting to thicken up when they took me off Femara and put me on Tamoxifen. Now it is getting thin again. I need to find a new style, a short one because my hair grows so slowly anyway. Wish me luck on my quest. I'm so happy for you and yes, that feeling of peace is great.

    Love and Gentle Hugs,
    Donna

    thanks
    Thank all of you for being patient with me as I went through my 'obsession' stage. I really am more at peace, though. I actually can't believe I was so distraught about hair, it seems like a different person was struggling with this.

    Now if only I could get rid of the nagging little fears about recurrence. I would say that these thoughts are not an obsession, they are just like little worries at the back of my mind. Any advice about how to deal with these?

    Ohilly
  • ohilly
    ohilly Member Posts: 441
    #8
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    KathiM said:

    I am smiling, too....
    I think that right after treatment is over, we are still in fighting mode, and so find things to be mad about, or at least to be an activist about. I was lucky, during this period I was chosen as a Legislative Ambassador for ACS, and got to travel to Washington, D.C. and meet up with 10,000 other advocates...so, I had an outlet for my fighting spirit!!!!

    But, yeah, acceptance is part of the process. It's great the day that I finally exhaled...and realized that I could start living again!

    I tip my hat to you, my dear...it's a sign that you are moving on, and comfortable with it!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    Hans
    Thanks, Kathi. And from your posts, it appears Hans is doing better. I'm glad!

    Ohilly
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #9
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    Ohilly
    Thanks for answering back on your hair. I absolutely can understand your obsession with it. We all want our normal selves back. I am glad you have moved on and i bet your new hairstyle is cuter than heck!

    It is too early to tell how mine will come in ( i just have peach fuzz so far) but i bought some rogain..hope i don't grow a beard and a mustache!!haha. Maybe that is why they have rogain for women. Thats what i got. Anyway i am so proud of you for moving on and wish you all the best always.
    love jackie
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #10
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    rjjj said:

    Ohilly
    Thanks for answering back on your hair. I absolutely can understand your obsession with it. We all want our normal selves back. I am glad you have moved on and i bet your new hairstyle is cuter than heck!

    It is too early to tell how mine will come in ( i just have peach fuzz so far) but i bought some rogain..hope i don't grow a beard and a mustache!!haha. Maybe that is why they have rogain for women. Thats what i got. Anyway i am so proud of you for moving on and wish you all the best always.
    love jackie

    Ohilly
    I understood completely. My Mum came over from England last summer and she kept banging on about how short hair suited me, was the fashion, showed my big brown eyes.........etc etc etc...But that's OK for people who CHOSE it!!!!!!!

    I guess she meant well. Jxxxxxxxx
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #11
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    tasha_111 said:

    Ohilly
    I understood completely. My Mum came over from England last summer and she kept banging on about how short hair suited me, was the fashion, showed my big brown eyes.........etc etc etc...But that's OK for people who CHOSE it!!!!!!!

    I guess she meant well. Jxxxxxxxx

    Hair, Hair!
    I agree with you whole-heartedly on that! When I started losing my hair, my sweet Reggie offered to shave his head as well. He has thick, long, beautiful hair~ and wears it in a braid or pony tail. I absolutley said NO! I dearly appreciated the sentiment behind his offer, and I also know he meant well~ but I didn't have a choice about being bald and he did. I didn't need that validation to feel loved or cared for. And I would have missed his hair!

    Your mom probably meant well too....:-)

    Claudia
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #12
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    ohilly said:

    thanks
    Thank all of you for being patient with me as I went through my 'obsession' stage. I really am more at peace, though. I actually can't believe I was so distraught about hair, it seems like a different person was struggling with this.

    Now if only I could get rid of the nagging little fears about recurrence. I would say that these thoughts are not an obsession, they are just like little worries at the back of my mind. Any advice about how to deal with these?

    Ohilly

    Kudos to you Ohilly. I know
    Kudos to you Ohilly. I know how difficult this has been for you. Seems like we all struggle with something once this is all over. Learning to accept the new us is sometimes more difficult then the fight itself. I am still trying to accept the different me and having a hard time with it. I am glad you are at peace with your hair, now for that little nagging in the back of our heads, maybe we can learn to ignore it too? Hugs, Lili
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #13
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    Hairs Looking at you, Kid!
    Your last sentence said it all...you most certainly are in a better place and not upset any more! It doesn't really matter why or how you got to this better place~ being there is all that matters. I know that my insecurities and thought processes would keep the mental health professinals busy for eons! You had no choice in the hair thing, and you not only went through the "de-feminization" process of losing your crowning glory, dare I remind you that you also were dealing with your husbands infidelity? That blow to your confidence and sense of well-being understandably threw everything out of balance. To then NOT get your hair back the way you remembered and hoped it would be was the icing on a rotten cake!

    I am sooo happy that you are settled with the beautiful hair you now have~ it matches the beautiful, caring woman warrior survivor that you are!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • ohilly
    ohilly Member Posts: 441
    #14
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    chenheart said:

    Hairs Looking at you, Kid!
    Your last sentence said it all...you most certainly are in a better place and not upset any more! It doesn't really matter why or how you got to this better place~ being there is all that matters. I know that my insecurities and thought processes would keep the mental health professinals busy for eons! You had no choice in the hair thing, and you not only went through the "de-feminization" process of losing your crowning glory, dare I remind you that you also were dealing with your husbands infidelity? That blow to your confidence and sense of well-being understandably threw everything out of balance. To then NOT get your hair back the way you remembered and hoped it would be was the icing on a rotten cake!

    I am sooo happy that you are settled with the beautiful hair you now have~ it matches the beautiful, caring woman warrior survivor that you are!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    thanks for the sentiment
    Claudia, I just want to tell you that my husband and I have resolved things and are getting along better, too.

    Hope you are well,

    Ohilly
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #15
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    I am so happy Ohilly that
    I am so happy Ohilly that you are feeling better about things. Eil
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #16
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    ohilly said:

    thanks for the sentiment
    Claudia, I just want to tell you that my husband and I have resolved things and are getting along better, too.

    Hope you are well,

    Ohilly

    Ohilly...
    I haven't been here long enough to have known about that additional big, fat unfortunate bump along your road (sorry about that!)...

    I'm glad you & husband are on smoother ground now. Best wishes that it remains so.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #17
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    ohilly said:

    thanks for the sentiment
    Claudia, I just want to tell you that my husband and I have resolved things and are getting along better, too.

    Hope you are well,

    Ohilly

    I am aware that things are
    I am aware that things are now going well for your husband and you; I recall you posted about that. I only meant that at one point it seemed that everything was out of your control, and you understandably fixated on your hair issues. I was just trying to put things into perspective as to WHY you were reacting in that way, and I threw your personal life into the mix as a contributory reason. I hope I didn't offend you; that was soooo not my intention!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #18
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    Eil4186 said:

    I am so happy Ohilly that
    I am so happy Ohilly that you are feeling better about things. Eil

    I am glad that you are not
    I am glad that you are not obsessed with your hair anymore Ohilly and that you are feeling much better!
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #19
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    So glad you are on an upswing
    Ohilly - I am glad to know you are feeling better. There are so many battles in this war! Lynn
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    #20
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    Congratulations, Ohilly!
    Congrats on your "new normal," Ohilly! Your new self-awareness that beauty doesn't depend on the thickness of your hair shows in your writing... and I'd bet it shows all over you in real life, too. As a diagnosed sufferer from OCD, I know how hard it is to let some things go, and I'm all the more proud of you for doing just that.

    Best,
    Joe
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #21
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    Ohilly, I'm glad you're
    Ohilly, I'm glad you're feeling better about your hair. It is strange how we can obsess about something one day and the next it means nothing. I have often thought (in my situation and those close to me) that whatever we feel inside we justify it in the outside world. For instance, angry people can always find something to be angry about. Anxious people always find something to be anxious about. Optimistic people find things to be optimistic about. Going through the cancer experience can certainly bring forth many unpleasant feelings. I know I panicked and was very anxious and always found things to worry about. Anyways, whatever the reason, you're feeling good and that's what counts :)
    By the way your hair really does look good.

    jan

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