Apr 14, 2009 - 8:05 pm
As of January 2009 I was told by my oncologist that I am in partial remission from lung cancer, there is a small incurable tumor in my left lung that will never be gone but is not currently active after responding well to treatment.
I am happy about my news and now have two positive CT scans under my belt, with what I hope to be many more to go.
I have remained extremely positive through my diagnosis, treatment and after until recently. I find myself trying to be positive for others but when I'm alone and have time to think, I think about what would happen if the cancer came back, if the next scan I have does not come up the same, that the cancer cells are back in action....
When I am alone I sit and think about what it would be like to die from my disease....its horrible, it makes me sad and I dont feel right telling my husband, family or friends what I am thinking because they have seen me in a positive light for so long that I do not want to disappoint them.
I just feel like I need someone to talk to that understands.
If you are reading this and are struggling with the same thoughts please let me know. We can connect and keep in touch.
Thanks for listening, or reading I guess is a better term :)
Thankful to be in remission, but not sure how to deal with it.