CSN Login
Members Online: 11

so hard

alley22
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2009

hello my name is allison and i am 28yrs old my mom past away on 9/2/08 she had brain cancer the doctor told her she had 6months to live but my strong mom lived for 4 yrs .even though she did not remember who i was before she passed i always spoke to her told her how much i would miss her when she was gone.i told her that i was sorry for anything and everything that i did wrong since birth. i knew she did not understand but i had to tell her i had to let it out.i have younger sisters and brothers my mom has 9 children i am the secound oldest most of us are split up right now i have two of my younger sibling its been so very hard for me i also have an 4yrs old daughter that really dont understand. but, my brother is 15yrs and my sister she is 20yrs.when my mom passed away i really havent really started moaning yet i really did not have the time. i had to be strong for my brother and sister i did not want them to see me cry but i think all dis is driving me crazy i feel alone i feel like im there for my brother and sister but no one is there for me to cry to is there anyone out here that can feel my pain

usljh10
Posts: 85
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm sorry you lost your mother. I lost my father in 2002, he was 69yrs old. I also lost a brother in 1989 in a car wreck he was 28yrs old. Time will heal your pain. Nothing stays the same. We just have to make the best out of what we have. Keep your mothers memorys and share them with each other. She must have been a wonderful mother and loved children to have had 9.
You have a big family, I'm sure they know your pain, remember you are not alone...

alley22
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2009

i have been going through alot for a while i always said to myself god do wats best for my mom not wats best for me.i really dont talk to anyone much about my mom becouse i dont think anyone really understands i think you have to had been there to understand.im glad i found u guys that i can talk to i need to talk sometimes i feel like im going crazy 4 real i think im still going through stages.i thought i went through all but i guess i did not.i thought when my mom died i would be able to move on with my life but its not that easy. im 28yrs old and i still need my mom i miss her so much thanks for being there 4 me

PBJ Austin
Posts: 346
Joined: Mar 2009

Hi Allison. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My husband lost his mom to cancer when he was 20 and his kid brother was 10. My husband went from being a big brother to being a second dad to his kid brother overnight and it was tough. As already mentioned, time will soften the blow. But you need to get out there and do things for yourself. Go to lunch or dinner with friends. Go to a funny movie, or just do whatever makes you happy. And give yourself permission to laugh, smile and to not grieve 24/7.

You are a good daughter and older sister. Remember that you did all you could for your mom and she knew she was loved. I'm sending this cyber hug your way. (( ))

alley22
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2009

thanks for caring enough to take time to say your kind words to me there are times that i need to hear things like that.i became a mom to three children and i was 24 at the time now its 4 yrs later and ive grown alot sometimes im proud of mysel.f but, i now find myself sad and thinking will i have brain cancer like my mom i try not to think about it but i cant help it.my mom passed at 45yrs she was very young i pray to god to protect me becouse my family needs me i have 5 aunts and 1 uncle they are not ther 4 us i dont make a big deal becouse i know that tey have their own families but god will make everything ok right?

Priash
Posts: 22
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello Allison:

I know how hard it is to loss anyone close especially a parent. I lost a brother to bone cancer at the age of 22 and my father in 1998 to heart disease. My father-in-law died from Alzheimer's disease, a month after my operation on 9/11/08. I find my strength in my God and all the great memories that each held in my heart and this keeps me strong. Even now that I am freighting this cancer, I could not even tell my own mother of my illness, since she was diagnose with Alzheimer as well back in November 2008. As a parent myself of two young ladies in their early twenties, many words are said in anger. I knew that they did not mean what they said; since I would receive kisses, hugs, and the look of deep regret in their eyes, told me that they are sorry even when words are not spoken. So please forgive yourself and release yourself from this pain. I am sure that your mother forgave you prior to her illness. Please try to remember the look in her eyes prior to her illness and the happy days. This was her way of showing you her love and forgiveness. Your mother sound like she was a strong lady and raised strong children. Speak to your younger sibling, let them know how you feel. I am sure that they would like to hold you and share their feelings as well. I also come from a large family we were seven and when my brother passed away, I thought this would bring us closer, but we were in our early twenties and teens and in our own world. Now that we are all in our 40 and 50 we a now closer and we share more with one other including a few tears or two. Let your siblings know how you feel. Communicate!

Please remember Allison, you will never be alone you have your mother in your heart and she will guide you. Also, if you are feeling this way, I am sure that your siblings are feeling the same way. I will pray for your peace.

God Bless you and your family
Priash

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network