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ITS BEEN 4 YEARS

missingmyfriend
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2009

IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS AND IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY , I WORK A LOT AND TRY TO KEEP BUSY WITH MY DAUGHTER AND TRY TO KEEP GOING ON , SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING CRAZY , BEING AN ONLY CHILD AND HAVING NO FAMILY OUT ( ALL IN EUROPE)HERE RECENTLY DIVORCED ACTUALLY AT THE SAME TIME I LOST MY MOM AND RAISING A 10 YEAR OLD ...... I JUST MISS MY FRIEND SO MUCH SHE WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN MY MOM , I WISH A LOT THAT I COULD HAVE JUST 5 MORE MINUTES , MY SOUL HURTS A LOT AND I FEEL REALLY ALONE ! SOMETIMES I AM REALLY MAD AND OTHER TIMES I AM JUST SO HURT!!! I DO NOT TALK TO ANY ONE , I JUST HOLD IT ALL IN AND I KNOW THAT THIS IS VERY BAD AND SHE WOULD NOT WANT ME TO BE SO SAD BUT I CANNOT HELP IT SHE TAUGHT ME TO BE STRONG .

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

A mother daughter relationship is quite special. I doubt anyone gets over the loss of someone that was such a large part of their life. It seems there are so many reminders that are noticed daily. It could be as simple as looking at your childs face. I have one daughter that looks exactly like my mother. And I could never imagine my three daughters without their mother being around. At least one calls daily for an answer to some question about life. You have been through a bunch of changes in your life when you needed the support of your mother. No doubt the divorce and raising a child is very hard on anyone. And I don't have any answers on how to fill the void of such a special person. I do know your mother would no doubt be proud of you. She would want the best that life has to offer for you and your child. Six years ago while I was fighting cancer I lost two close friends to cancer. I still think of them almost daily and try to live the best life I can as they didn't have that chance. Trying to be the best person I can be is my way of coping with their loss. I never forget the special qualities they each had. All I can do is send hugs and prayers to you and your child. I hope you find that special person that loves you and fills some of the empty gaps in your life. But your mother will always have a special place in your heart. slickwilly

missingmyfriend
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2009

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THAT TODAY .

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

I am so sorry for your loss and I can relate as when my Mum died 8 years ago there was just such a huge void left in me. We lived far apart for most of my adult life but we talked every day on the phone and that phone has never been more quiet ever since. But it sounds like you, like I, have very fond loving memories of our Mums and that is indeed a blessing and comfort. I know for me that there was a point where I felt I needed help in getting through the grieving process so I sought out a good grief counsellor (psychologist) who got me through the stages of grief as I had got stuck in a 'why her/why me' phase. You might think of looking for someone to talk to about your grief and loss as you mentioned you don't talk to anyone about it. Glad you got it out on this site as a first step but maybe think about that counsellor too. There are several steps in the grief process and they are all perfectly normal, it's when we get stuck in one of them and it starts to affect our lives that we should look for someone to talk us through it. It helped me so thought I would share with you. It's wonderful that your Mum taught you to be strong but she wouldn't want that strength to hold you back from getting on with living. When you need some help I believe it takes a strong person to be able to go out and ask for it. Blessings, Blueroses.

tonybear
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

i have lost 3 friends in the last 6 months to cancer. i just haven't gotten to the point of crying. i feel the tears in my heart, the heaviness can be hard somedays. i know what i am going through is not being strong, i can't find that point of release.
i made up my mind that cancer is not and will never be my life. my vacation days are spent having check ups in another state. in my mind it is not a check up. it is a reinforcement that i am okay and will live to rejoice.
it has helped to talk about things here. it has helped so much to share with people who know my feelings without the usual lost look in their eyes.

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