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#8 not going as well as the others...

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

Started #8 today, woke up with Nick's cold. My counts were good this morning so they went ahead with everything. My mouth is making me nuts with the nasty taste, and my fingers hurt so bad today typing isn't fun feels like my finger nails are going to fall off. Actually feel nauseated. I hope this passes. My daughter will be here tomorrow, i'm excited about it, but afraid that anything fun will have to wait til next week. my head hurts, going back to bed. Hope everyone else is doing well.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4659
Joined: May 2005

DayDreamer, I'm sorry this is a tough round for you. Hopefully you're 3/4 of the way through this and will soon get into your new normal. I bet it will be great to see your daughter, that should pick you up.
Feel better soon.
-p

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

I know it's almost over (I hope), but each time is a little harder, and every tuesday on the way there I cry and whine, just can't help it somedays. Oh, I'm ok, but I just hate it. I'm sure everyone feels the same in that aspect, you just start to feel better and it's time to start over, not knowing how you'll feel. I've only had nausea 2 times, but never tossed my cookies, and it passes fairly quick. I'm tired of not tasting anything, and I'm tired of being tired, even on my "good days" I tire easily. Can't wait to see what the new normal is.

The past two times, and this one worse, after I am done my legs just ache. I thought, and mentioned it to my onc last time that maybe it was from sitting in the chair for 4 hours, so I tried the walking thing around the house (it was too cold outside). But yesterday it was really nice out, didn't need gloves coming out, but soon as I got home my house was colder than outside, my feet and hands took it bad. My legs and knees hurt so bad I was in tears. Took advil, didn't help. waited 3 hours, and decided that vicodin was my answer. Still had 3 left from surgery in November. Well, doesn't really help the pain, but makes it not matter as much. the headaches can be horrible too. gonna call the doc and get something for next time. Anyone else experience this or is it my imagination?

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

If I didn't know any better I thought you would be talking about me!!!!!! I have the very same problems....I cry and whine too about going, my legs hurt too.. I REALLY REALLY know how you feel..It is enough already!!!! I am on treatment 9 and it just keeps getting worse. They say thats the way it is. It's progressive but it SUCKS!!!!!! I can say the ONLY thing that gets me through is that a few more to go and then I am done...I am starting to plan a NED (no evidence of disease) BBQ so that gives me something to look forward to. Also planning a summer vaction for a week at the beach too. Find something in the furture that you really want to do and focus on that..It really does help...If you have want to you can email me at julievd@earthlink.net and we can talk more...Good luck and I know you are tired of hearing it but try to stay strong!!!!

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

You go, girls!! You both can do it and when you are done, you are going to dance the Happy Dance that it is all over. And both of you have to make me a promise (ya... like you owe ME?? ). Just because your chemo is over, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, make demands on your body that it should be back to normal within a week or two of finishing chemo... and then getting down on yourselves because your body is not reacting the way you think it should.

I didn't have this board when I was doing my chemo, so I had no one to compare symptoms with. I, too, had horrible pains in my legs which I just put down to arthritis... although the pains were not just arthritic but felt like muscle pain in both thighs (constantly). It even seemed to be worse at night when I was in bed... the legs would just throb and moving them around didn't help.

Then, lets talk joints... from the weight bearing joints (knees, ankles, hips) to the little joints like fingers and toes... PAIN!! When you tell doctors about the pain, they ask you what kind of pain... and you can't really describe it because it's EVERYWHERE. Not necessarily crippling, having you down on the ground rolling around pain description, but pain that brings you to tears or definitely affects what you can and can't do in your day to day life. Depending on how you've described it, doctors will write it off as issues related to aging, or a previous condition you may have had or POSSIBLY the chemo/radiation treatments may be a contributing factor. Well, fine... but it's still PAIN and I think part of the frustration of having that pain is that no one really seems to understand it and if it's not understandable, then it's brushed off and not taken seriously. That's been the only time I've really gotten frustrated... that either I'm not making my case clear, or I feel my complaint is being brushed off as something else. Grrrrr! Of course, when you do have a non-related condition like arthritis, it is pretty easy for doctors to blame that as the cause of the pain.

BUT... I'm here to tell you... been there, done that, finished chemo and those muscle pains in the legs DID disappear! They were horrible, but they are gone! So I do hear you about the leg pain and maybe knowing that when you are finished, they will go away... it just may take some time. It takes the chemo a good 2 - 3 months to leave your body... and then your body has to work on healing the damage that it has done, including the muscles.

But you both can do it! Keep your eye on why we are going through this... so that we can have a happy, healthy life... even if it means we are "living with cancer"... we can live with cancer and not have to be in chronic pain forever :)

Hugggggs,

Cheryl

jenben59
Posts: 142
Joined: Jan 2009

I'm just learning how it gets more difficult every time or my side effects change. You have been such a help to me with your posts I wish there was something I could do for you. I know it's so much colder up north than down here on the coast, but there are days my hands hurt because they feel cold! I can just imagine how it feels up there. I've only finished round 4 and am getting irritated with this chemo already. Some days I just cry. I filled my pain prescription yesterday, but haven't had to use it yet. I haven't had it that bad, but I can tell it is changing...drugs cost so much I don't want to waste anything. Here's a HUG over the net and I'm thinking of you.

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

Everyone - it's so good to know it's not my imagination!

Cheryl, you're posts are always good for everyone. No I can't exactly describe it - the throbbing and the aches. It just plain hurts, and I have nothing from before to blame it on, well, maybe a knee injusry from when i was 16? but that doesn't begin to explain what I feel now. And just try to walk down steps! the pain is just excrutiating, and I hate to ask Nick to "please go get me..." And days like now, he made me stay home from work, said I looked horrible last night (thanx alot) and he wants me to rest. well, I still have to go take the dog out, and then see the kitchen which is a mess so i have to clean it up, want to eat, but afraid to touch a cold egg, lol! I last about 10 mintutes down there until my hands and feet throb, get up here and legs are at it again. I just hate it and am tired of crying. I have a feeling that I WILL be one of those who beats myself up after it's over thinking that I should be normal again, as I am having a really hard time with the days now that I should be feeling good. I'm glad I have people here to sound off to. As accomodating as my friends are, they still have no idea. Can't wait til my daughter gets here today, she can cook an egg.

Each treatment is worse, and each in between is shorter. I remember in the beginning I was hitting the casino and still drinking wine. Now, yeah right, wine tastes nasty, why bother. I go to the casino so that Nick and Kevin can have their weekly friday night, and I basically stay in the room and order room service! My "normal" days consist of going to the office and cleaning up my desk after my assistant has screwed everything up. I have to admit that I didn't get the chance to train her as well as I should have and she stepped up to the plate (sort of) trying after this happened. I've thanked her for that with an early raise. But there is something to be said about this generation - 20 years old, and the lack of initiative. My employer (not to be confused with Nick, who is my fiance and boss) wanted to eliminate her position due to the economy and I had to beg to keep her until June.

Jen - its actually warmer here than ever - as I said it was 47 when I came out of chemo yesterday and I didn't need gloves until I came in the house! I know I've read that 55 degrees is about where everyone can tolerate it, after you've been used to 13 below zero, even one degree feels good if there is sunshine outside! Somedays I miss Florida horribly, until my friend reminds me that the way I have been with the menopause thing I couldn't take the heat!

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I was there where you are 4 treatments ago and today at 2:45 the needle comes out for the last time hopefully and then starts my 5 years of being observed.....you will be there soon. there wasn't anyone that had nausea worse than I did so hang in there girlfriend, you'll be done very soon.......God Bless ya

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3663
Joined: Jul 2008

Buzz,

I'm so glad to hear you're on your final chemo treatment today!
Blessings to ya!!!!!!

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4188
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry that you all aren't feeling well. I wish they could make the chemo so it doesn't react to people in the way that it does. I just hope you all feel better really soon and realize that there are other people that feel the way you do.

Feel better soon. Hugs! Kim

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

that everyone feels the same about this, somedays it just makes me feel better to say it to people that know. I can spout all I want here, and it just makes Nick feel bad. He wants to help but there isn't much he can really do. I keep a tough face on here at home and to my family and friends. But sometimes I just feel really bad and want to cry - well, I did last night anyway, the legs just hurt so bad.

Buzz, I am so happy to hear you have the last one, can't wait til I get there, it won't be long now.

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 626
Joined: Jul 2006

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about you getting weary in the fight...I remember what that was like. Just keep giving yourself credit and lots of kudos for each day and each treatment you get through. The harsh truth is cancer sucks and chemo really sucks. I swear I didn't really feel sick at all, even after surgery, until after I started chemo. Chemo is just a great big drag, no matter how you slice it, but you'll get through it, and when you do, life will go on and you will start to feel better. There will come a day when you'll realize that you are thinking less and less about all the ailments and just be happy to be well.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....
Katie

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

yeah - chemo sucks. I'm a trooper tho, and I'll bounce back, just had a bad day is all.

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

I feel so bad for you girl! I can feel your pain through these posts, and I figure one day if I find out this Foxfilri isn't working, and they put me on Folfox, I going to be horribly frightened, how do you walk? I am picturing myself crawling on my knees trying to get to the bathroom even! and I get so absent-minded, I'd probably not even think to put the heat higher in my house, or not take a good cool swig of something!

You're a tough chickie though, you will get through this! I am rooting for you, and praying for you! please hang in there, it's almost over :)

Are there no medications to stop neuropathy?? or nothing to give to help relieve some of the pain?

Hugggss to you!
~Donna

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

Donna, don't let me scare you. Doc says I am the 1% who gets a little of everything. I intend to talk to him about the leg pain and neuropathy today. I can walk, it just hurts, it's not debilitating. And i just get under covers or put gloves and socks on, but if i turned the heat up higher the rest of me would be sweating!

I go in today and get the pump off, so that is 8 down and 4 to go, i'm fine, trooping on...

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2396
Joined: Jun 2006

Hi hon.....so proud of you for getting through 8....i just did three yesterday. The cold neuropathy is still a problem but we Northeners are tough....hats mitts sock scarves and quilts....but you are right once the old 5FU clicks in then it's too hot.

hang in girl, you are having a little bit of it all...keep trooping

think about you lots and send best wishes your way

oxaly buddy
Mags

daydreamer110761's picture
daydreamer110761
Posts: 497
Joined: Dec 2008

ya'all have a great way of cheering me up!

I always know that there are so many out there that have it worse than me, and I feel guilty at times, but somedays are just plain awful, and I guess we all have them, so the cheering up is great. Number 8 was done yesterday, and I guess as this goes on it's just getting a little worse each time, my doc told me to expect it. I'm figuring that catching NIck's cold didn't do me much good either, I was just miserable. Up until this time I've been able to work through everything, but I took off Wednesday, thursday, and only worked half today.

On a good note - I mentioned my daughter being home, and she is. That is one HUGE stress factor that's done and over, no more worrying about the b/f that kept throwing her out, and she is safe and sound here with me. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years, so it was a pretty happy note despite the IV tube hanging off of me! I missed her so much too, but what a trip it is to have an 18 year old back in the house!

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