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I need to stay strong but I don't have the answers...

shavanna's picture
shavanna
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2009

Last week, my wonderful fiance was diagnosised with testicular cancer. I myself, am an almost 3 year bone cancer survivor and I know first hand what the CSN can do to support cancer survivors. I can't tell you on how many occasions, when it was late at night, and I was scared out of my mind, some stranger in front of a computer screen gave me confort. Now, I sit here as a caregiver to the most wonderful man I have ever known, and I feel lost. He has so many questions about life with cancer. Some I can answers but others I can not. He was born with only one testicle. And now he is having it taken from him. The doctors are saying that it is advanced but they haven't even biospy yet. The CT scan suggests that it has moved into his lymph nodes in his groin. I haven't been able to actually talk to the doctor myself however he sounds wonderful. Considering, my cancer experience was beating down doors to get someone to actually take me serious, this doctor has been a step ahead and even gave my fiance his personal number. So, anyone out there...what can I do? Is there life after your both testicles are gone. What should I expect? What is the best thing I can do to make sure, his needs in recovery are met. Is there any sites that discuss the mental aspects of fighting this disease. Children...no children....missing anatomy or not...I just want this man in my life for the the rest of our lives. When the surgery is over and the chemo or radiation is done...what should we expect? Please someone help us.

bansheecat
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2009

My husband had TC when he was 18 yrs old. He has just celebrated his 54th. Back then they didn't even have onocologist. People died of cancer period. They gave him a 5% chance of surviving with treatment. They surgically removed one testicle but the cancer had spread to his lymphatic system. They gave him enough radiation to kill 10 men. He was on chemo for 5 years. Things are a lot different now. They don't give nearly the same amount of radiation and the chemo is much better. I would suggest your fiance freeze his sperm and you be artificially inseminated when you are ready for children.

Good luck...hubby is home..time to cook dinner. :)

ajames46
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2009

I hope this is helpfull, I have to think hard and long about when I had testicular cancer, as it was 23 years ago. I have just turned 63, mine had spread to the lympth node above my right kidney, a 10cm growth.

I only lost one and I was older so there are certain aspects I can't help with. I do remember the physical effects of surgery, chemo and radio. I also remember the pyschological effects, in a way although we were becoming more enlightened about discussing cancer, there ws still a strong taboo. I found that I wanted to talk about it as a way of handling it. My wife found this the hardest part. The bald headed forty year old, who had been so active mopsing about she could handle, bless her. What she found hard was me keep wanting to talk about it. Looking back, one of the reasons I think was, the more I talked about it the more I accepted that 1. I had cancer. 2. I had lost part of me 3. In doing so and involving other people it brought a degree of normality.

Cancer for a long time is a big part of your life after, if the truth is known many cancer survivors do become cancer bores. Eventually you realise if there is to be life after cancer, then it has to be AFTER CANCER. But I think the talking is part of the healing process.

I hope this is some help and when. Oh I think you will do the best thing, just be there, that may sound a little trite, but looking back, my wife being there was the best thing.

LOL Alan

kpc5988's picture
kpc5988
Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi shavanna,
I just saw your post and wanted to connect with you and your fiance. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2000 and am now going on 9 years survival. I was 22yrs. old and single. I've been through it all and I would be happy to answer any questions that you may have. Through sperm banking, surgery, and treatment dealing with all the ups and downs. I'm actually a two-time Cancer Survivor. This past year (2008) I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, don't worry the two were not related, and it was definitely a tougher battle than the first time around. I will be married for three years this October and we just bought a house. So like I said, I've been through it all. Please contact me when ever you need. My email is kcollins@cccymca.org. I would be very happy to help.

sweidman
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2009

Shavanna,
I was diagnosed with testicular cancer in late May and had my surgery on June 12th. I start radiation treatments on July 6th.
You are doing the most wonderful thing you can for your fiance; you are supporting him through this difficult time, and as a cancer survivor yourself! How lucky he is to have someone who empathize with him!!
My wife is scared for me, but she is such a pillar of strength. She is holding our household together while I am down with this ailment.
Keep your faith and be there for him. Like him, I do not know what to expect after "everything is done", but I have faith (and the experts tell me) that men with our type of cancer can lead fairly normal lives.
In regards to having children, he may have been able to bank some of his sperm. If not, there are so many wonderful children out there who need loving parents (as I know you would be) and it really doesn't matter if the child shares your DNA or not...they are still your children and you will love them with all of your heart like all of us parents do.
It's been five months since you first posted your comment. Let us know how you folks are doing.
God Bless,
-Steve

scoffey
Posts: 14
Joined: Jun 2009

My son was recently Dx'd with test CA. He's 22 years and no girlfriend. He was told he would probably be sterile. We had his sperm sent to a sperm bank. REPROTECH in Nevada, bout the cheapest one we could find. 1rst surg was to have 1 testicle removed. They then found a mass in his lymph glands, 2nd surg. was to have this removed. They said that this type of CA is the most curable. He will be starting chemo Mon. There is someone who put a note on the board. He said he went thu the same thing my son did, he was able to have kids 1 year later. There are some great resources on this website for what to expect during and after treatment. Just know you have each other for support, me and my son, all we have is each other, stay strong!.

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