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Confused and upset

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

Today has been a rough day for me. I recently returned to my job only to find myself displaced due to layoffs and people getting moved around from one area to another. I got sent to the main plant which is much harder on me physically. It can also be very stressfull. A lot of the work is a new process and learning it is a daily thing.
I know most of the people there though because a few years back I had worked there. In fact, I had gotten close to one person in particular and even though I returned to the second plant we remained friends. At least, we did until I was dx with cancer. Since that time our friendship has dissolved. She said she just couldn't handle it cause she lost her Mother to cancer. Therefore, even though I reached out to her, my attempts were ignored. I never got a phone call, a card or anything to let me know she was thinking of me. In fact, until I ran into a mutual friend who explained why she was being distant, I wasn't aware of her reason for the lack of contact.
Now I find myself working in the same building as her every day. People have questioned me about why we aren't talking to each other. Perhaps I answered in the wrong way but it's how I feel so I've simply said I got cancer and she couldn't handle it. Now others who have spoke to her about it are talking to me and making me feel like I'm the bad person for not understanding her reasons. Seeing her on a daily basis is very upsetting to me. It still hurts and she is still ignoring me. I don't speak to her cause I am afraid it will only upset me and cause me to cry. Today another person I consider a good friend brought it up once again. Now here I am upset and crying wondering why I seem to be the only one who is hurting here. Doesn't anyone understand how I feel? I needed her to be there for me and she wasn't there. Except for my children and grandchildren, I was alone. There were things I needed that they couldn't give me because they are my children and grandchildren. I just needed someone to help me thru it all. Someone outside of the family that would there to make things a little easier to deal with during that time. Am I wrong to feel the way I do?

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Shirley:

First, you know me, you know I am not a doctor, not a therapist, none of those professional folks, so you know to take what I say with a grain, maybe even a spoonful, of salt.

That said, let me point out that you begin your post not with the lamentation regarding your old friend, but with your concerns about the new job. Is this coincidental to your concern about the old friend, or is it truly your chief concern? Just asking.

To your question, then ("Am I wrong to feel the way I do?"). The answer to this question, I have been taught lately, must almost always be NO. How can you be wrong about the way you feel? It IS what you feel.

Can you be mistaken in the assumptions that lead to your feelings? That is another story altogether, my friend, and in that regard, I would ask, for your own good, that you reconsider those feelings and the reasons behind them.

You know as well as I do, Shirley, that people handle grief differently. You must be able to imagine, at least, the grief that a daughter has at the loss of her mother to cancer, or to any other cause, actually. You are also aware that, compounding that, many people, most people, who are fortunate enough to have limited or no first-hand experience with cancer haven't a clue regarding the disease or the needs that develop for those who contract it. To put it simply, most people go to the other side of the street when they see a cancer survivor coming. You know that, Shirley.

Given that, is it not possible that your 'old friend' has suffered the loss of her mother, has experienced some great pain in that regard, and was compelled to distance herself from you because she cared enough about you (ironically) that she thought she would experience the same sort of pain if you were to also leave her in that manner?

I am not prepared to rate the worthiness of your old friend, Shirley, but I am here to advise that you try to understand her behavior and that you put it behind you, even if you must also put that friendship behind you.

It can only be good for you, my friend.

Take care,

Joe

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Squirrely, I'm so sorry that you find yourself in a difficult position at work especially since just returning to work after what you have been through is hard all in itself. It sounds to me as if you faced unexpected challenges right off the bat when you returned to work and that overwhelmed you, first with the change in your job and secondly with this friend. I really don't think either you or your friend are wrong, it is just that you are both grieving for your losses in different ways. I totally understand what you are saying though. If you had had other friends to turn to for help and understanding this might not have seemed as big as it is to you but since she was your only friend and she couldn't be there for you it was extremely difficult. I actually had the same thing happen with 2 friends who I thought were extremely close and I actually moved back to the city they were in where I had lived just for their support but I have been very disappointed. They only contact me maybe once a month if that and we see each other even less seldom. I was pretty upset, as you are with your friend, but now that it has been 3 years since I first got back I have seen their situations and they have their hands full in their own lives with things that they are dealing with and having me with many side effects from cancer treatment is too much for them to take on. The one of my friends who was closer I thought actually is dealing with her Mother now probably having Alzheimers. I think we all have a saturation point for what we can handle. Your friend watched her Mum die from cancer and obviously it profoundly affected her and who knows what else she lives with in problems of her own. If you want my input I would take the high road with the relationship with this friend and maybe get her a card and in it say how sorry you are that she had to see her Mother pass from cancer and that you hope that even if it isn't now then when she is ready maybe you can resume your friendship. Just leave it at that. You know the relationship better than I do so there may be other issues you and her have but just from what you have said that's what I would do. Who cares who is right or wrong in it the point is to resume the relationship you seem to value but it takes 2 to want to do that and if she can't take the idea of you having cancer because she may be worried she will lose you too in time to it then that has to be her decision. I am not saying you are wrong in being upset with her but I think that perhaps the best idea for you, so you get the support you need and want, is to find a good counsellor who you can share your fears and worries with and that way at least you will have an outlet for your issues. I did that actually and it worked quite well, it took the loneliness of my situation out of the equation so that I could take my friend at face value and not have to depend on her or anyone else for the help I needed. Like I said, I might not have other important facts about your friendship with the friend in question, but since I have had a similar experience I thought I would throw in my 2 cents and see if perhaps some of it helps. Take care. Blessings, Blueroses.

hollyberry's picture
hollyberry
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

I, too, have been in that position and it is not a pleasant one. This so-called friend isn't mature enough, in my eyes, to call herself a friend. I worked with and lived next to a woman for almost 20 years and she has not visited me once; that is NOT a friend!! Blue and Soccer, I know you're trying to be nice, take the high road and give this "friend" a break but, I don't think she deserves one. Maybe I'm too close to that kind of situation but I really understand the felling of betrayal Sqirrely feels. You think you have a good friend, you do everything to support them during their life-challenges and then - WHAM- you're too much trouble or your situation is too painful for someone else to bear? B.S., this woman needs the counseling, if you ask me. she should cowboy up, contain her emotions and be there for her friend, if, in deed, she ever was a friend.I have had many friends and relatives die of cancer and would never turn my back on a friend just because it brought me painful memories; We're supposed to learn and grow from these experiences, not retreat from them just because they hurt.In any event, Squirrely, we are here for you; we will listen and try to get you through whatever you need. I guess that touched a raw nerve but, like you always say Blue, we should be able to tell all and expect our friends to support us. That goes for the friends in the outside world as well as cyber-space.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, Sqirrely
Much love,
Hollyberry

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Hollyberry,

Actually, I did not support the friend's actions, but simply tried to suggest what might have caused them. If you read the end of what I wrote, you will see that I advised that I could not rate the 'worthiness' of this old friend.

What I was trying to do, and apparently failed to do, was to convince Shirley to move on, to get past this disappointment and not allow it to have such a large and negative impact on her life.

I would advise the same for you, if you still harbor strong and ill feelings toward people you feel have betrayed or abandoned you. They are not worth the time, most of the time.

Take care,

Joe

hollyberry's picture
hollyberry
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

You're right, Joe, and I missed the inference; I just think you and Blue were too kind. I did get past that relationship but I don't think it's right that anyone, for any reason, should treat people with such cruelty, that has called you a friend. The point I was trying to make was that, no matter what we go through, we should all be big enough to be there for a friend, even if it hurts.
In my own case, it took me weeks to get past the disappointment at being "thrown to the curb", so to speak, by a so-called friend. I was a true friend to her in times of trouble and I think that's why Squirrely is so hurt; she invested herself in this relationship and now the friend is telling others that Squirrely is to blame for the situation? Not right! That part didn't happen tome, as my "friend" just stopped calling and was busy with other friends when I was dx'd.I have no respect for people that can't put their own feelings aside for a friend in need.I see that kind of behavior as shallow and immature.
As for my ex-friend, I don't have the time or emotion to waste on her. She will one day realize the friend she lost when she faces more of life's challenges without me to back her up or be there to listen.
I suppose I'm spoiled by the friends that I have made here and throughout the cancer journey; you have been there for me as have a hundred others on this site and in my hometown. It sure did bring up a very unpleasant memory for me, as I'm sure it will for others.Memories that bless and burn, as my mom used to say; you just have to overcome some and be grateful for others.
hugs,
Holly

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

The sight of my bald head and sunken lashless eyes invokes big tears in one of my friends every time she sees me; her pity is so overwhelming for her. I know she avoids me because of it, perhaps to avoid her own pain. But I like to think that she avoids me to shield me from her own extreme reaction to my changed appearance and sad situation, (which is quite frankly pretty insulting even if it originates from her caring about me. I'm not THAT pitiful, you know?) Perhaps your friend is like that, unable to separate your cancer from her own unique issues with cancer, but knowing that her inappropriate reaction to you will not be helpful to you, and may even bring you down. I guess I'm saying, not everyone is strong. That doesn't make them evil or bad; it just makes them disappointing. I'd let it go. Who knows what else she may be dealing with in her life? I'd tell the others at work that are feeding this melodrama for their own entertainment and gossip that I'd prefer not to talk about it. I'd smile and make small talk with my old ex-friend as if she were just a passing acquintance. And I'd let go of the anger in my own heart. Life can be short and certainly becomes more precious when you have cancer. Be disappointed; but don't be hurt or angry. ((((BIG HUGS))))

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

"Be disappointed; but don't be hurt or angry." I think that's an important sentence that we can all use to help us through relationships that go off kilter, now and then. I too think that we can never really know what the other person is dealing with in their lives at any given moment either so in difficult situations like dealing with cancer if you possibly can, like Linda said 'be disappointed but don't be hurt or angry'. Maybe anger and hurt reel up in the beginning of 'betrayal' but as long as they don't last too long and start to effect your life in a negative way then that's okay for a bit. I tried to be 50/50 in the response to the situation that Shirley found herself in with her friend but really I wasn't trying to be too nice about it all to either side. Cancer is rough, period, and how we deal with it is a very personal thing and maybe the exact opposite is true and this girl cared so much for you,Shirley, that she couldn't bear to even think to go through it again with someone else after she went through it with her Mum. We can't know what she thinks. I totally get the disappointment you feel,Shirl, as I said I went through that too twice, and although we expect others to be there for us when something happens to us like Linda said not everyone is as strong. I hope things get better between the two of you Shirley prayers have gone up for you. Blessings, Blueroses.

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

Squirrely
I Would be proud to be your friend. I am a great listener and you can tell me anything you want. The folks at your work don't seam like friends at all. A friend is someone you can count on when times get tough. A Friend never expects anything in return, and is there for you no matter what Life may throw at you. Just know You have a Lot of wonderful Friends here at our site. We are here for you anytime you need us.
LOL
MR_sad

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

MR_sad
Although, we have never met or talked I appreciate your concern and support. I am always interested in meeting new people and making a friend. Do you ever go into the chatroom here on this site? Perhaps we will run into each other there and can become friends.
Hugs and prayers
Shirley

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

So twenty four hours later, I've had the time to grieve and think about this situation. As Joe said they are my feelings and therefore can't be wrong if it's truly how I feel. That statement in itself helped me to deal with it on a different level. I cried, actually sobbed, which was something I haven't previously done. I guess this along with other things got set aside to deal with a later time as I just wasn't strong enough to handle all that was happened to me. Along with the change at my job, I knew going in that my exfriend would be something I would have to face. The fear of further rejection was there and then other friends trying to justify her feelings just was too much for me.
I respect all of you for your concern and your thoughts on this. Joe, You have always had my respect and I know that you have my best interest at heart. Nothing you have ever said to me has failed to reach me.
I have lost loved ones to cancer as well and certainly understand the fear that goes along with hearing that someone you care for has been diagnosed with cancer. I could just never turn my back on them but can understand how someone with less will power could lack the strength to face it. My own diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks due to my losses. I thought like most that my life was over but thanks to the many advances in cancer care I am a survivor.
I'm not sure how I will handle this situation. I've thought about approaching her about it but then that fear keeps me from doing it. Unforunately, Most of my information about how she feels has come from others not her. She has never taken the time to talk to me so I can understand it. I always said maybe I could have helped her with her loss as much as she could have helped me.
Thankfully, I had the love and support of all the wonderful people here on this site. That was truly a blessing and a life saver for me. I never had to suffer alone. There was always someone here to help me thru it all and you all continue to support now. I hope that I can give back as much as I have received to those who need the support.
Hugs and prayers
Shirley

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

It sounds like a recurring problem that most or even all cancer patients and survivors have. I have had my share of it, too. I still feel abit hurt--more hurt than outraged or angry. It's funny but recently I have had the opposite problem. For many years a friend I've known since a little girl sends me a computer-typed letter for Christmas, the same one sent to all her friends. Never a personal note, although at one time I used to get personal letters but I don't even remember how long it's been, it's been THAT long. I was so dissapointed that I actually almost did not send her a Christmas card this year but decided to anyway. All of a sudden, out of the blue, this week I received a card, pictures, and 5-page personal letter (handwritten)from her including her phone number and email address. Even inviting me to visit her in another state. I thought, what's up with this. I spoke to my mother on the phone and it turns out this friend must have found out I had cancer just recently (I had it 2 years ago) from her sister because my mother spoke to her sister on the phone some time last year. All I can figure is that my friend must have spoke to her sister recently (probably around Christmas) and found out I had had cancer! So being the nice person I am, I wrote her an email, including photos. But I feel hurt not because suddenly I have heard from her but because all those years I didn't get any personal notes. I even gave her my email address years ago, hoping I'd receive an email but never did. So now that she's found out I had cancer......I am confused, not sure how to feel.

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

This is certainly the oppositive of my situation. I'm sure that you are wondering why now after all this time. Perhaps she just feels the need to reconnect with you. Hearing about your situation with cancer may well have her realizing that she does want a closer relationship with you. Plus it may also mean that now her life is more settled and she wants to make the time for a friend she has missed. I would certainly want to give her the opportunity and see where it leads you. It may even provide you with an opportunity for a little vacation if you can see your way to do it. She does live in another state which makes a strain on close relationships.
My situation would be easier to deal with if I didn't have to see this person at work all the time. In fact, I had accepted that the friendship was done already. It's just seeing her and having other people bring it up that has brought the hurt back into my thoughts. I do believe that it will pass for me. I was really just having a hard day and that added to it. Therefore, I needed it to be put back into perspective and other peoples views help me to do that.
I hope that you are able to rekindle your friendship.
Hugs and prayers
Shirley

cboo1974's picture
cboo1974
Posts: 57
Joined: Oct 2008

Shirley,
Can't say I understand what you're going through because my friend was there for me every step of the way and was upset with herself that when the nodule was found in my meck that she didn't take it more seriously.
I just want to let you know that I am here for you and you can consider me a friend.
Cindy

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

Cindy
Thank you for your concern and friendship. I hope that all is going well for you. Perhaps we will be able to get those of us who are close in this area togather when the weather gets better. I would enjoy that very much.
Hugs and Prayers
Shirley

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

nsquirrely,

People "distance" from us for a variety of reasons having little to do with us and more to do with their own perceptions. Back in the early '80s, I suffered employment discrimination following my diagnosis, enduring long-term unemployment. Many of my "friends", including my then wife, "distanced" from me, big-time. After finally gaining employment and some accolades for my advocacy work, I acquired new friends, obviously not intimidated by my having had cancer. Then came my brother's suicide and some friends and colleagues didn't know how to deal with me, so they didn't bother.

One of the women I dated, albeit for a very short time, gave me a book titled SURVIVORS AND OTHERS by Robert Drake. In the book is this passage:

"Survivors, of course, aren't always easy people to have around the house -- any more than are artists or saints, for that matter. The very qualities that made them tough enough, even prickly enough to 'come through' aren't usually the ones that make for the most congenial and harmonious personal relationships or the easiest social intercourse. As a rule, in fact, they aren't. Often, therefore, we're inclined to hold them at arm's length except of course when they're performing, telling their tales, which discipline, by definition, provides its own distancing. And they continue there to instruct, perhaps to delight, even rebuke us by their examples. But we don't want to come too close, perhaps just as we don't want to sit too near the stage or go behind the scenes after the performance is over, which is not to suggest that their art or their artifice is all an illusion but, on the contrary, that it's awfully tough and businesslike, all too real."

For me, at least, this bit of literary wisdom explained that "we" represent the uncomfortable reality that is life. Many have enough on their own respective plates and just can't accept "ours"; others might have lived lives free of personal challenges, up to now, and wish to retain that status quo. "We" are not diminished by their choices, they are!

Love and Courage!

Rick

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

Rick
Thank you for your wisdom. It certainly does remind me that I am a strong and independent person. I don't have a need for a lot of people in my life so therefore that group of close individuals is small. I spend a lot of time with my children and grandchildren. I tend to enjoy alone time. After working all day and the things I need to do for myself it leaves very little time for social activities. I just don't have the engery in the end to go out to do things. Hopefully, after my health improves that will change for me. It has been a long journey but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps this year will be a better one for me.
Hugs and Prayers
Shirley

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

Shirley, I appreciate your perspective concerning my "old" friend who has suddenly taken the initiative to get closer. I was very dissapointed over the years that she showed no interest in me and shocked when I got that letter. I don't want to harbour any ill feelings towards her. She probably realized also that if this disease takes me eventually she can feel good that she tried to extend herself. I may even visit her, who knows. I will have to see if I can afford it since I would have to take my daughter with me. I live in Wisconsin and my friend lives in Tennessee. I feel I am also a strong person who does not need alot of people in my life. I only want people that truly care about me. I can't be bothered with those who don't. I had my share of husbands (had 2) and boyfriends who just didn't care, way even before I got cancer. Maybe it was a good thing because it prepared me for when I really needed to be strong and take care of myself. I had learned not to be dependent on anybody (except maybe my mother.) But people did come forward when I was going thru cancer and I will always appreciate that. I received some kindness and that's what helped me get thru it.

suesue555
Posts: 25
Joined: Dec 2008

Hi, All, I have read all the mails above, my finally concusion
is that, no matter what you friends did to you, I will not take it
too seriously, I try not to let that upsets me at all, it has to do
with your only life karma,I have life up and down,if I care too much
what my friends did to me, I won't live until today.
If you have to deal with it, take it easy, don't let
that bother you. Life is too short to let your friend control your feeling.Since
I discovered that I need a Bonemarrow transplant, there are
a lot of my friends want to help and support.
I am very greatfull for their supports.
Off course, there is no one to be matched my bone marrow world wide.
My life still carrying on, and I try to enjoy the rest of life,
I had said to all my friends and family, I do not want thing to upset
me, and please just leave me alone, so far so good. It is working.
I just want to share this with every one, and Good luck to you all folks.
sue

nsquirrely
Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

Sue
I am sorry to hear of your situation but glad you have many friends to support you. Hopefully, a donor will be become available for you. Good luck with your search for a donor.
Hugs and Prayers
Shirley

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Suesue, I am so a believer in Karma and although I don't always do the right thing and turn the other cheek when someone poops on me, lol, I really do try. It's only when I think that they could learn something from a subtle or not so subtle response(lol) that I will step forward. I had a bone marrow transplant 18 years ago for NHL and while treatments are no doubt better today I am here to tell you that I have not had any recurrance since then and the doctors consider me cured. So keep the faith. I also didnt need a donor because the cancer wasnt in my marrow so I didnt have to deal with graft/host disease so it was a somewhat less invasive form of treatment but still very tough indeed. I was one of the first stem cell transplants. Sounds like you are a spiritual person which is very important, if it wasn't for my faith I don't know what I would have done. So do keep the faith, pray and have prayer chains going for you too if you can - I believe there is great power in prayer, especially group prayer. I hope and pray that a match becomes available for you. All the best. Blessings, Blueroses.

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

Not everyone on here has a special "someone" in their lives. Not all of us will get roses, cards, chocolates, jewelry, balloons on this day. There isn't always someone there to hold our hand and give us a hug when we need it. We wake up alone. Some of us during our struggles with cancer and survivorship have been betrayed, neglected, slighted, misunderstood, left for dead. We can be alone but we are never really alone. We have discovered a strength within that we never knew we had and this we enable us to keep on going no matter what. We will never lose hope. The friends we have now will be our true friends. And one day we will all meet again those we loved and have been loved by in our true Home. They stand by us and wait for us. They have never stopped caring. So don't give up. If you have a bad day, the next day will be better. There is nothing to fear. Hold on.

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Dream, I awoke this morning as you did, in basically your same position and thinking of all those things past and present on this Valentine's Day. I appreciate your sentiments and words of encouragement. Blessings, Blueroses.

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

I may look at things a little different. But we all have to face people we love that they as well as ourselves are going to die of something sometime. And yes seeing people suffer hurts. But what hurts more is when there is no support especially on those days your feeling you need some help. Bluerose I agree with what has been said but find someone who will be there when you need them. Maybe send your friend a card once in awhile to let her know you still care but maybe you will find someone who will stand by you. People have to understand that just because one person lives a year doesn't mean another won't live 20 years or whatever. People die from many things and because someone has cancer or diabetis or whatever we are still here and don't write us off just because we have cancer. My husband passed away 3 years ago from cancer but I don't look at it like I will die any time soon. Got to be here for my sons. I will be starting chemo after a two month break on Wed. I hope all have a Happy Valentine's DAY and I hope I didn't sound confusing. I will always be here to talk and believe I have my bad days but I remember what my husband said "Take one day at a time". No matter if your in good health or not thats all any can do and I am planning some 3 day weekend getaways, tired or not. hee hee May be eating my words after chemo LOL
Take care and there will be someone out there to help
Prayers and Hugs
Sandy

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Unfortunately I am pretty shut in due to a list of after effects from my treatments that would put you to sleep so that's a big part of my issues - just not being able to get out with any kind of predictability - very frustrating. I can't even imagin how many specialists appointments that I have had to cancel due to dizziness from the heart damage from the chemo or the fatigue or the chronic respiratory issues, yada yada. The uncertainty of my health from day to day keeps me from joining groups or doing anything on a regular basis but I do what I can. Thanks for the wisdom Sandy, it's important to listen to all kinds of viewpoints. Blueroses.

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

I too have had many times that you have to stay in. I have used a wheel chair. Sometimes people would go with me to Wal-mart and I would get in their electric chair to shop for small amount of time. Oh yea and run over the clothes in the clothing department. LOl I am fortunate to be in the country with a porch and sit and watch the birds and squirrels. I have also been frustrated when I haven't seen someone so "I" will call them and they would say "OH didn't know if you felt like company or wanted to talk since you just had chemo." Ok, can't they just call and see, I would tell them I don't feel like talking today or could you call tomorrow. Geesh, but anyway I hope Bluerose and all of you have some strong days to do something you like. Strong chemos are frustrating and in my second time around my husband was there and said just remember you will get some stronger days. Its ironic they found his cancer two years after mine and he passed away over three years ago and I am still here. He still feels like a part of me. I pray all of us will be apart of the cure and have a party and dance.
Prayers and hugs to all
Sandy

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

I have, like many others with cancer, experienced friends not calling anymore because it is simpler just not to call than risk hurting our feelings or them bothering us when we are resting. But at the root of it I do believe they are afraid to face their own mortality and I guess they see the reminder of that in us, no matter how we are doing at the time with our treatments or recovery.

I believe that your husband is still a part of you and that's why you feel as you do. He obviously said some things to you that are helping you through your rough times so in that way he is still helping you along. At least that's what I believe anywho. Hope this reply to your posting finds you having a good day. Blessings, Blueroses.

suesue555
Posts: 25
Joined: Dec 2008

Hi, Rose:
I don't have cancer, but my bonemarrow produce less and less
red blood cells, by the date my bonemarrow stop produce red
cells then I am done. But I am gladful that I know I am dieing,
then I can go to do what ever I need to do before I die,
I was going to retire in Sept. since the economic down turn,
my boss cut my hours (no one in my office knows I have Myelofibrosis)
That is perfect, I can go to travel a week every month,
that is what I decide to do, and I aslo see a Can. and Chinese
doctors, the chinese medicine costs me a lot of money a month,
the can.medicine is free. At the monment, I have not seen a big
improvement yet, chinese medicine takes a long time to see
improvement, as long as my condition is not getting worst,
that means, I don't turn into Blood cancer, then I am o.k.
At the same time, I still can making a living.
I am a Buddhaist, I pray all the time.............
I have faith, if this is my life, I will accept it, I never say
" Why Me", I should say " Why Not ME".
I am trying to learn "PATIEANT" I am a very inpatieant person.
GO, GO, GO, I have to slwo down for the rest of my life, and try
to enjoy it. I am not afraid to die, I just will move to another
world, a better pure land.
Regards,
sue

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

You have a wonderful outlook on life and all that it entails. I have often looked at Buddhism, it makes so much sense to me, such a gentle way of being. I pray for nothing but the best for you Suesue and I hope to be able to learn from some of the Buddhist ways, I think we can all benefit from many aspects of this faith. Blessings Sue, Blueroses.

suesue555
Posts: 25
Joined: Dec 2008

Rose, Thank you for your support, I like to practice Buddism,
but I have not have enought patient some times, I am lazy too....
I try to do more, but I don't force myself to be any one..
We all should have faith and live our happiness life.
Regards
sue

peggy65's picture
peggy65
Posts: 100
Joined: Jan 2009

no absolutely not! the invasion of cancer into our bodies and the chemicals used to treat the disease, reak havoc on us. we don't feel well and we are scared of what is coming. our heads take a beating too. we are more vulnerable and at times have a hard time processing how others are responding to us. i have had similar situations. people that i thought were friends, distancing themselves from me because of cancer. i have decided that when the chips are down you discover who your true friends are. as an example, a woman that i know brought us dinner once a week all the way through chemo and radiation. and other people that i knew only casually, sent me cards and sent over food. it was a surprise to me but as i thought about after treatment i thought that the important thing about this was the way i acted to people because you of course cannot control how other people process things. who knows what is going on in someone's life. so although i was hurt as well, i have come to believe that how i am feeling and treating others is the important thing. some people just don't get it!l hugs, peggy

suzjazz
Posts: 17
Joined: Jan 2009

Hi Shirley,
I have talked to you on chat (as well as some others on the message boards) but I don't check the boards as often as I might.
I just now read your post and feel for you and the pain of realizing your friend can't be there for you. It is sad but true that some people just can't deal with cancer. Cancer has touched my life many times, both in my family and myself and outside my family. I know how alone a person can feel, whether caregiver, patient, or survivor.

I am here to listen any time you need to talk.

Suzanne

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