The last few hours......

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Buzzard
Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I lost my father in 1991 to stomach cancer. Through all these years I have never ask my mother when my father went into the hospital what happened. Did he just go in there one day and die or what...I never asked for fear of hearing something I really wasn't ready for....well, yep I ask this morning...I was told by my mom that my father was in bad pain as Im sure he was but he was very strong and I never could see him suffer much, he hid it well. They talked with their oncologists and his Onc asked him if he was ready to quit suffering and end his pain. Him and my mom both knew what the outcome of a yes answer would be. His morphine pump was slowly increased until he passed away is the way I was told happened. That was 18 years ago today and I just found out what happened this morning....I really don't understand why I am writing this other than to talk with someone that listens and can understand what I am feeling....I sincerely hope that one day my God will take all this disease away from us and not let us suffer anymore........I just answered my own question, He does, with eternal life that was made available to us at anytime....All I can ask is that you take good care of my father until I see him again....I love you Dad, I will see you again I know.........Sorry guys and gals.....this is the only place I know I can do this and not be looked at funny or feel like a fool........Thanks for allowing me to express my feelings ...Sometimes I just need to get it out..........

Comments

  • pcs1453
    pcs1453 Member Posts: 75
    #2
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    It was time
    18 years is a long time. I'm glad you finally asked your mom and got the answer you needed to hear. I can understand that sometimes we feel it is better not to know. You knew it was time and took the plunge. It sounds like you have found a peace within yourself. We can all hope that some day there will be no more suffering.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #3
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    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #4
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    Truth is good
    As painful as it must have been to hear, I'm glad you found out the whole truth about your dad's passing. I always feel like I can't deal with something without knowing the whole story. I join you in praying that this disease and pain and suffering will one day be gone, and I know, like you, that it WILL happen when we're all in Heaven.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • MoonDragon
    MoonDragon Member Posts: 183
    #5
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    Hugs!
    You were finally ready to know and that's a big and scary step and hopefully helped you to have some closure. I'm glad your dad was able to have a choice in how he wanted things to end and deciding when he was ready to go. I hope I have as much dignity when it's my time!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #6
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    It's about choices...
    And taking control. And having faith that there is a great good beyond death.

    No need to appologize to us, dear soul...we have all had our moments.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #7
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    Hugs for Buzzard
    I am glad you are finally at peace with this. Your parents did what they knew was best for your Dad. As we all face decisions in our journey with the Beast, I hope we have the strength and belief that they displayed.

    Much love to you and your Mom. Vicki
  • krystiesq
    krystiesq Member Posts: 240 Member
    #8
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    Your courage and strength is
    Your courage and strength is inspirational. I pray that this new information gives you peace. I too believe we will meet our loved ones again, where they are out of pain and sickness and have renewed life and restored health.
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #9
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    You are amazing!
    I know we all dread what might happen at the end ... will it be painful, dragged on for a while, or will it be blessedly quick. I think it's worse when we see someone die in pain. I know you are processing the new information and will come out on the other side knowing that this was a very hard decision for your mother and father to make, and it was indeed the very BEST decision to make! I just hope that if I find myself in the same situation, my wishes are kept and I am able to die peacefully; I have spoken to my children about this, but one never knows how one will truly behave when faced with the reality of losing a very dear person. Keep looking up, this will become another part of your journey and will strengthen you in your own fight.
    mary
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #10
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    losing loved ones
    I lost my Dad in 2006. Not from cancer but his heart. I made a special place for him and my Mom at Christmas. I put out pictures and lit a lamp every evening in remembrance of them. I do believe their in a happy place now and I'll be joining them some day. For now though I have my kids. God bless you
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #11
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    tiny one said:

    losing loved ones
    I lost my Dad in 2006. Not from cancer but his heart. I made a special place for him and my Mom at Christmas. I put out pictures and lit a lamp every evening in remembrance of them. I do believe their in a happy place now and I'll be joining them some day. For now though I have my kids. God bless you

    What an awesome tribute!
    I believe I'm going to steal some of that idea! I lost my mother in 2006 to lung cancer after a very short battle, while I was battling my own recurrence. I have her ashes and pictures on my television stand, but the thought of lighting a candle in her memory on special occasions is an awesome one!
    mary
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #12
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    msccolon said:

    What an awesome tribute!
    I believe I'm going to steal some of that idea! I lost my mother in 2006 to lung cancer after a very short battle, while I was battling my own recurrence. I have her ashes and pictures on my television stand, but the thought of lighting a candle in her memory on special occasions is an awesome one!
    mary

    thank you
    thank you for sharing that story. I think the stories that surround our parents' deaths are very powerful. I wonder if we are all even more tuned into the subject because most of us have looked quite closely at our own end.

    Know what you you mean about sharing here too....

    Thanks again'
    all very best
    Mags
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    #13
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    Choice to move on...
    What a beautiful story. I'm so glad he was able to choose to end his suffering, and i'm glad you now know how it all went down.

    May this knowledge give you peace.

    Many hugs,
    Krista
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #14
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    lost my dad too
    Hi Buzzard,
    I, too, lost my dad to a very horrible disease (not cancer). The last two years of his life were awful for everyone involved. He died 14 years ago. I walked by his picture yesterday and told him hi (I was alone in the house), and I carried on a one way conversation with him, and it was very catharctic. I'm glad you feel safe enough on this board to be able to express your thoughts and feelings about missing your dad and about finding out the specifics of his death. Yes, you will see him again one day, and imagine how wonderful the reunion in heaven with all of our loved ones will be some day!

    Take care,
    Lisa
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #15
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    One day
    One day you will meet each other again in God's presence. I'm glad you asked and were answered honestly.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Kirsten
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #16
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    Buzz I know the feeling
    I lost my mom to Hodgkins Lymphoma 3 years ago, she was a fighter, 10 years and several remissions, more procedures than I can remember. In the hospital that last time she was very anxious, she knew it was near and she was scared. I told her she knew where she was going, but us humans, we doubt ourselves at times. A great peace came over her that last day, I know her pain was bad but she is in a better place and the hospital staff work with our family very honorably and I will never forget the efforts of one RN in the ICU who made sure she got some rest the last night she was alive, so her last day was lucid and meaningful.

    Your a great person, you need to feel the love for your dad and know he hears you. You pay it forward with the rest of us all the time.

    MIke
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #17
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    Mike49 said:

    Buzz I know the feeling
    I lost my mom to Hodgkins Lymphoma 3 years ago, she was a fighter, 10 years and several remissions, more procedures than I can remember. In the hospital that last time she was very anxious, she knew it was near and she was scared. I told her she knew where she was going, but us humans, we doubt ourselves at times. A great peace came over her that last day, I know her pain was bad but she is in a better place and the hospital staff work with our family very honorably and I will never forget the efforts of one RN in the ICU who made sure she got some rest the last night she was alive, so her last day was lucid and meaningful.

    Your a great person, you need to feel the love for your dad and know he hears you. You pay it forward with the rest of us all the time.

    MIke

    Thanks to all........
    Thanks to all of you..I knew I could come to all of you and be OK with my feelings.....I love ya all..........God Bless all of ya.......
  • Kanort
    Kanort Member Posts: 1,272 Member
    #18
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    Comfort!
    Dear Buzz,

    You are always one of the first on this site to reach out to others, say just the right thing, and lift someone up. Hopefully, we can collectively surround you with love and support. I am glad you feel comfortable sharing your inner feelings with us. Sending you peace and comfort. You make your dad so proud!

    Hugs,

    Kay
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #19
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    tiny one said:

    losing loved ones
    I lost my Dad in 2006. Not from cancer but his heart. I made a special place for him and my Mom at Christmas. I put out pictures and lit a lamp every evening in remembrance of them. I do believe their in a happy place now and I'll be joining them some day. For now though I have my kids. God bless you

    My husband's parents specified that they didn't want funerals. His mom died a year ago, and his dad died in December. I haven't had a chance yet to make a memorial for his dad, but for his mom I hand made a scrapbook of all the cards we received after her death, plus put some pictures in there and other memorabilia. I put that on an end table with a candle and some flowers. I plan to make a book for his dad and add it to the table.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #20
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    Mike49 said:

    Buzz I know the feeling
    I lost my mom to Hodgkins Lymphoma 3 years ago, she was a fighter, 10 years and several remissions, more procedures than I can remember. In the hospital that last time she was very anxious, she knew it was near and she was scared. I told her she knew where she was going, but us humans, we doubt ourselves at times. A great peace came over her that last day, I know her pain was bad but she is in a better place and the hospital staff work with our family very honorably and I will never forget the efforts of one RN in the ICU who made sure she got some rest the last night she was alive, so her last day was lucid and meaningful.

    Your a great person, you need to feel the love for your dad and know he hears you. You pay it forward with the rest of us all the time.

    MIke

    RN's are God's gift
    When my Dad collapsed (in 2002) he was taken to the hospital from the nursing home, and his DNR paperwork did not accompany him. The doctor in charge hooked him up to machines (he had to then), but in spite of our protests, refused to turn them off even when the paperwork arrived. It took us 36 hours to get another doctor who had the authority to override this decision. (It was Easter weekend and we couldn't get a court order.) Through it all, one male RN stayed with my Dad (and helped my poor confused and grieving Mom) with only one 2 hour break. He was the one who turned off the machines in the end as well. He gathered the daughters & Mom, and had cleaned up Dad, hidden a lot of the 'ugly' stuff, called in the Chaplain, etc. He gave my Dad DIGNITY, and we will never forget it.

    BTW - Dad's death was called 45 SECONDS after the machines stopped, so we were right all along....he was gone from the beginning. It gave us a measure of peace.

    Vicki
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #21
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    Buzzard said:

    Thanks to all........
    Thanks to all of you..I knew I could come to all of you and be OK with my feelings.....I love ya all..........God Bless all of ya.......

    Thank you
    Buzzard,
    Thanks for sharing but most importantly thank you for being there, you have helpped me more then you will ever know!
    God Bless
    Beth

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