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It's Aimee again...my mom lost her battle on Monday

aimeemarie
Posts: 4
Joined: Dec 2008

Hi Again Everyone,
I just wanted to let you all know that my mom passed away on Monday afternoon. I was able to be with her, holding her hand. It ended up just being me and her along with my aunt who held me while I held my mom. It was an awful experience, one in which I will never get out of my head. When I saw her take her last breath, it killed me. I just grabbed her and held her and cried harder then I've ever cried before. Just the night before she told us she was dying and that she wished she could take me with her, I said I wished that too, but I couldn't. She was very drugged up and didn't know really what was going on but the last thing I told her was that I loved her more then anything and it was ok to let go, that we would be ok. I don't know how I am dealing with this. It hurts so bad. All I can do is cry and today is my daughters third birthday. Well at least I know my mom is looking down on me.
Well happy new years to you. Thank you for all your love and support.
Aimee

aah9976's picture
aah9976
Posts: 16
Joined: Dec 2008

Aimee,

I am so sorry to read that your mother lost her battle with cancer. No matter what anyone says it will not make things better but it could help take a little bit of the pain away. Just keep in mind as you said she is looking down on you. She is there helping you in many ways to get through each day. She is out of pain now and is able to support you spiritually as she would have if she survived. Your daughter will see your moms strength in you if you let it shine. I wish you the very best while getting through this tough time in your life.

Sending many hugs and kisses for support,
Arden

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2039
Joined: Oct 2008

So Sorry....... Hugs Julia

jimbeam50
Posts: 47
Joined: Oct 2008

I know what a great loss this is for you and just wanted you to know that you have my deepest sympathy.
Sheila

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

I'm so sorry to read of your loss. Grief is such a solitary thing; no matter how many arms reach out to enfold you, each of us is all alone in our very personal grief. But please know that others feel your pain and that time will one day ease this ache to something more bearable. And love never dies, never. Her love for you and your love for her live on. ((((Aimee))))

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Aimee, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending you a hug, and will be thinking of you. And I think you are right, she is watching over you and your family. Take care, Eil.

Mawoni
Posts: 20
Joined: Nov 2008

Dearest Aimee ... I am so sorry to hear that your Mom lost the battle. You're right, her final moments with you will never leave you. I lost my Mom to cancer 35 years ago and I still have vivid memories of what the last days were like. I was glad she was no longer suffering, but hated that I had to be left behind. I believe your Mom knew you were there holding her hand and trying to let her go. She is watching over you now and knows you will be ok. Try to find comfort in the knowledge that her suffering has ended and she is in a place filled with peace and beauty beyond measure.
Sending you a gentle hug ... Maw

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Hello Aimee, I am so sorry to see that your Mom has passed away but it was wonderful that you could be with her to help her in her transition. No words can take away the pain that you are going through but I hope that you stay with the site for support whenever you feel like chatting on the boards. So many on these boards have gone through losses, many being caregivers, and I know you will find support and validation for your feelings if you come back now and again. Just remember that you aren't ever alone in all of this Aimee, we are here for you and understand what you are going through. Blessings to you and yours and a big happy birthday to your daughter whose birthday will serve to remind you that life goes on and indeed your Mum will be looking down on the celebration as well. Hugs Amimee.

Pnktopaz10
Posts: 56
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi Aimee
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and you will be in my prayers. It is so hard to lose your mother and it sounds like you were very close. It is great that you were able to tell her that you loved her. I send you hugs! Peace, Pnktopaz10

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

Aimee,

Your mom has made her transition to a worry and pain-free existence. When my mom passed away in '06, I missed not having her around to talk with, but I was grateful that she was finally at peace. I could not watch her endure any more suffering. Our mothers will always be alive in our thoughts and be with us in theirs.

Love and Courage!

Rick

hunpot's picture
hunpot
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

Ooooh Aimee--
I have been in your shoes just 4 months ago, It seems like your whole world is gone IT is the hardest thing we as daughters have to watch our mothers die in our arms. Im glad you were able to be with her during her last days, she new you loved her and thats why she wished you could be with her i know she wished she didnt have to go. The hardest thing is for us daughters to tell mom its okay to die and let go but they no as well as us that their will be no more pain in heaven. You will always have those memories and you can be happy nowing that you were with her and she was safe and happy holding you while she went peacefully. You can rest now that she is not suffering its so hard to go on for the next few months, it took me 3 months before i actually dont cry as much only during and around the holidays. Take time and cry and talk about your experience will make you feel better and all your emotions are normal do not worry but now you have to go on and be happy because that is what your MOM would want for you to live life and teach your daughter all the good things mom taught you. Remember she would want you to be sad but not for long shell always be with you in your heart NOONE or DEATH can take that away!!

I used to go to cemetary everyday but have that down to at least once week, but I have a picture of mom on my bedstand and each night i tell her i LOve her and good night and i remind her We will see each other again. When i wake up in the morning i tell her have a good day and I love her, kind of makes things go easier now. I live for my KIDS now and will try to live up to moms expectations and teach them what she taught me to make her proud and happy. YOUR mom LOVED You dont ever forget that.
Its off to a new year now HOW do we go on.... when it hit midnight last time I CRIED the hardest i ever had (while i was at my friends house with a bunch of people, embarrasing) i think that was when it hit me the most was thinking how am i to go a whole year with out her but then i realized a new year for new beginings and I was gonna make the best of this year and do it for her!! NO more being sad i hope you can find some comfort and i wish you all the best in the new year My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family during this time.
tracy

nonnatoo
Posts: 34
Joined: Nov 2007

Aimee,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Although it doesn't help right now, remember, she is in a better place, and will always be with you in your heart and all the wonderful memories of your times with her.

hollyberry's picture
hollyberry
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

I am so sorry for your loss; I could tell in all you wrote just how much you loved your mom. Remember, she loved you so deeply, and no-one can ever take that away form you. It was her gift to you to share with your little one. That's what mom's do- they share love and wisdom and your mom gave you all that you need to let your daughter know how loved she is. Mom will be watching over you and helping you when you least expect it; that's what I'm going to do for my kids and I know your mom will help you get through this. You will remember special times and wonderful events just when you're feeling so down ( she will give these memories to you as gifts). Go ahead and cry, but when you're done, remember the love you shared and know that love is eternal; no-one can take that away from you.
Love and condolences,
Hollyberry

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother was so blessed to have such a loving and devoted daughter. I am sure she is looking down with a big smile and thinking of the fine person she has left her on earth. This world is a better place because your mother raised a loving and caring daughter. Bless you Slickwilly

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4606
Joined: Feb 2004

Aimee I am so very sorry for your loss, I lost my mom to cancer in 2000 and my sister to cancer in 2007. I know it doesn't seem like it but time will ease the hurt you are feeling. Remember your mother will always live in your heart and she is but a thought away. May the New Year bring you the comfort and love of friends. Many hugs to you!

RE

Cindy54's picture
Cindy54
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

Aimee...I was where you are two years ago. We always expect our Moms to be with us forever, and I do believe my Mom is still with me..in my heart. I know she watches out for me. Yours will too. Don't be afraid to cry or grieve. Take what comfort you can when someone offers to help you. And no, the memories of her last days, especially if you took care of her, will not ever completely go away. But it does get a little easier. You don't have to dwell on them, but don't fight them when you start to think about it. Just go with whatever you feel is right. I also have a picture of my Mom that I keep out and also take with me when I feel I need a little comfort. You will be a good Mom to your child because your Mom was good to you. Make sure you talk about your Mom with your little girl. It will help you and help her. I wish you well Aimee, and I send a hug. May God comfort you...Cindy

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