Oct 24, 2008 - 10:38 am
In 2001 I was told by my gynocologist that cancerous cells were present in a recent papsmear. After a year of small proceedures and tests he decided a radical hysterectomy was my only other option. Last October the cancer had returned. This time since there is nothing for the cells to attach themselves to, they are clinging to the walls of my vagina and the cancer is simply being termed gynocological cancer. In January of this year (08) I began a piggy back treatment of radiation and chemo. I am currently on round 2. My doctor feels we may need to go 2 more rounds before I will be cleared. I have a blood condition known as aplastic anemia which causes my blood to not reproduce healthy red and white cells so being dealt such a severe treatment causes my body to really take a beating. They need to proceed with great caution. Because of that, we may need to repeat treatment time and time again before all of the cancer can be eliminated. The first time all of this happened, it was very quick. Once it was determined to be serious they took action, I healed and repeatedly had check ups to make sure I was ok. This time is much different.
I have a loving husband who is also a terrific dad to our two children (11 and 13). But he is not at all supportive emotionally for me. He cringes when I discuss my symptoms or pain, and he'd rather I stay in my room until the reaction subsides. I cry a lot in my bathroom behind a locked door. My children are being shielded as much as possible. This is too heavy a burden for them to bear. My mother and father are gone and my in-laws, though their hearts are in the right spot, I believe they feel there is an invisible barrier there that they shouldn't penetrate. At work, when I'm able to work, I do my very best to be strong and stay busy so that at least there my mind and total focus is not on me being sick.
I've lost my hair, my body is broken, I suffer from frightening bouts of depression and am looking for some support. I've tried a group setting but felt too vulnerable. It wasn't for me. I'm hopeful I can find some help here.