Sep 20, 2008 - 8:45 pm
I just posted this to the Brain Cancer discussion board, then I found the Caregivers board, and thought it might belong here instead:
Hello. My dh was recently diagnosed with gr4 glioblastoma (primary, 6 lesions scattered around his brain). He will begin radiation tomorrow, but high liver counts preclude him from starting Temodar as scheduled. We are hopeful, but realistic, about his prognosis. That's not my issue at the moment, though.
The portions of his brain that are affected include his impulse controls and his inhibitions, so I can now count on him to say what he means, no matter what. Normally, I'd think this is a good thing. Today we were talking about an upcoming school event this coming Thursday night, his fourth day of radiation. He said he didn't plan to go, because he'd be tired. I encouraged him not to rule it out (I may have been a bit naggy, but I tried not to be), to which he responded, loudly, that he didn't plan to go because he didn't give a damn.
A few minutes later, he had calmed down, and agreed to go (although promising not to have fun) -- and apologized for not giving a damn. (He did not, as I had hoped he would, apologize for SAYING he did not give a damn, because he really just plain doesn't, I guess.)
My question is this: as a caregiver, how do I brace myself and my sons for the hurtful things he is going to say in the future? I can tell the boys (10 & 11) that he doesn't really mean what he says; however, I know that he in fact absolutely means every word of it. He says out loud all those comments that spouses think about but never say because they'd be too hurtful.
Rereading this post, I realize I sound utterly self-absorbed, and I don't mean to. I appreciate, as best I can, how very frightened he is; how much he doesn't want to leave us prematurely, but it is almost inevitable that he will, given his prognosis; and that he feels utterly powerless this early in our very difficult journey.
Any advice for this newcomer? Thanks in advance.