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caregiver support

sebastian12
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2008

My mother has been battling cancer for 23 years. It all started in her breast. Now for the 4th time she has cancer again and it is in her brain. She has had all over brain radiation and gamma knife followed by chemo. I have taken care of her for the last 2 years....non stop. I am a sigle mohter of a 9 year old and this past year has been the most difficult.
to sum it up....my mother's mind works on and off, my job has had enough of the drama I Have been living, I haven't attending one thing for my daughter in the last past year and I worry about my mom day and night. She falls, doesn't take her meds correctly and sleeps about 17 hours daily. My mom used to have a mind as sharp as a tack and she was chanel and pearls all the way. Now I don't recognize her. She can really discuss any of my problems and be all wise and helpful like before wheich makes me realize I am finally an adult and she looks like a bag lady.

My sister started taking over her care because it was endless for me, but when she did it for 5 days she left me totally out of the picture and my mother ended up in the ER. She is gettting better now but she went in and out of compency. My sister and brother treated me poorly because I have the POA. Now we had the famous family mtg in the hospital and my momther has easily agreed to go live with my sister and my brother will be provided financial help (to my sister who is the wife of a doctor and I was a single mother going under) no help was offered to me, financial or otherwise. I warned my mother time and time again it wasn't safe for her to be alone and she had some pretty harsh words for me.

When we left the staged family meeting at the hospital I stood up and my mom said 'Tammy thank you so much." but it was kind of like thanks for remembering to pick up my lunch. My brother and sister said nothing. I fined now that I can't talk to my family. I want some space. I have devoted my life while the rest of them have lived theirs, planned vacations, took trips and I am going financially under while helping to pay for food, apts and meds. I feel like I did all the dirty work and now my family swoops in to save the day.

Are there chat rooms on this site or just discussion boards?
thanks

lovingmom
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2008

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL IM IN THAT SAME BOAT A SINGLE MOM WITH A SPECIAL NEEDS DAUGHTER AND MY 31 YR.OLD SON HAS BRAIN CANCER,I HAVE BEEN TRYING EVERYTHING TO HELP AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY REALLY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU REALLY GO THRU,GOD BLESS YOU,YOU SOUND LIKE A WONDERFUL PERSON WHO JUST PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR YOUR MOM,LET THE OTHERS DO THEIR THING AND YOU START ENJOYING YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR CHILD,YOUR MOM IS WHERE SHE WANTS TO BE YOU TRIED YOUR BEST,YOU WILL BE BLESSED FOR THAT,TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF NOW YOUR 9 YR OLD NEEDS YOU MORE!!!!
GOD BLESS
A LOVING MOM

joerullo
Posts: 9
Joined: Jun 2008

You did all the hard work and put all the time in. Now it is on cruise control and your life is in shambles because you are a saint and did all the right things. They come in and act as if they are doing you a favor. YOU NEED YOUR MOM NOW MORE THAN EVER BECAUSE YOU STARTED THIS WITH YOUR MOM AND SHE KNOWS YOU ARE HER ANGEL. I WOULD STOP BY AND JUST BRING HER A DONUT, SOMETHING TO READ, OR JUST READ TO HER WHATEVER. EVERYDAY YOU CAN NOW YOU ENJOY HER BEING ALIVE AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK TOGETHER BUT ENJOY SEEING HER WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK 24/7. YOU ENJOY THE BENEFIT OF HER BEING ALIVE AND DON'T STOP LOVING TO BE AROUND HER AND CALL HER EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE WHEN SHE IS GONE THEY WILL HAVE TO LOOK BACK ON THE LAST YEARS WHEN THEY WERE NOT THERE BUT YOU HAVE BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME. YOU ARE A SAINT AND I WILL PRAY FOR GOD'S FAVOR THAT YOU GET EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD YOU DESERVE IT.

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