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maureengirl's picture
maureengirl
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2002

there are some days where i wakeup and say to myself . doese anyone care about me or who i am and how i feel and there are some days where i can put my fist throught the wall i get so mad. and other time i dont feel like myself and ant to talk to someone about this illness i have and today is one of those days i want to just dissapear and stand in the middle of traffic and say "here i am come and get me while you can. can i have a chat with someone on this chat site

Cindy54's picture
Cindy54
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

Hello, I know what you mean about the swing in emotions. When I first learned I had cancer I just wanted to get on with my life. I couldn't understand why this was happening now to me. And yes, I was a little angry. In the last 2 years I have had my Mom go through an lose her battle with ovarian cancer, endured a spinal cord tumor that had me learn to walk again,moved out of a house I lived in for 33 years, broke a bone in my foot, battled the beast and now I have a tumor/cyst under my eye socket. So believe me I know that emotions get to where they want to take over your life. For awhile I found myself just wanting to be by myself. But little by little I have come to pull out of things. I have learned that just taking a walk sometimes does me wonders. Listening to music. Just getting extra sleep helps. Sometimes talking with a professional counselor helps. You will find what works best for you to take care of the stress. Everyone does. I hope that someone else chimes in to answer you too. And I guess if you believe in a higher power that takes a lot of the load off of you. We all have our ways of coping. And by just going one day at a time and putting one foot in front of the other we get through and make it. You will become a very different, better person for having gone through this battle. You will learn much about what is important in your life and just how strong you are. You will get through this, I promise. I think you just have to find your own way of handling the emotions and stress. You did not say what kind of cancer you have or what stage or if it is a recurrance. I hope you post again and let us know about how you are doing or even just to vent. We care. I wish you the best. A hug and a big prayer to you, Cindy

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

There is really little to add to Cindy's excellent response except perhaps to confirm and reiterate her points. It is widely accepted that cancer may precipitate depression as can some of its associated events including certain surgical and post-surgical processes, chemotherapy, disfigurement, physical impediments and so forth. This depression can be compounded, of course, by a predisposition in that regard. So you are by no means alone in these feelings and by no means alone in sometimes feeling like you are on an island of despair.

Because of the apparent depth of your emotions, and because you specifically seek out someone to 'chat' with, I would strongly advise that you consider professional therapy. This is sometimes covered by insurance and when it is not, you might be able to find inexpensive resources in your community that can be of great assistance in this regard, including your hospital, the ACS, even the YWCA/YMCA, and perhaps some other cancer-affiliated organizations.

Beyond that, as Cindy points out in so many ways, the main thing, in my view, is to realize, first, that you are not alone, and that rather than losing life, you have entered a new one, at least a new stage of yours. It can be a time of great personal discovery if you choose for it to be.

Second, it is important, ever so important, that you have or create meaning in your life, as Cindy points out so eloquently, whether it be through faith or elsewhere. Me, I've made the very simple commitment to make at least one person laugh every day. It is easy to do because as soon as I show my face to the world in the morning, someone is certain to laugh :). Seriously...you need to evaluate what is important to you and then pursue it!

I am, of course, only repeating what Cindy said, an excellent response and one that you would do well to heed.

Take care,

Joe

TereB
Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Hi,
We care and understand because we have gone through similar emotions. I don't think I can add anything to what Cindy and Joe said.

I saw a psychotherapist who helped me a lot. Many oncology departments have social workers on call that can help you deal with all the feelings and emotions that pop up.

I wish you the best and remember that this is only a storm in your life and like a storm, it will pass.

Hugs and prayers,
TereB

TweetyGirl's picture
TweetyGirl
Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2005

I can feel where you are coming from as to the emotional swings. It has been 3 years since my diagnosis and surgery but I still have "bad" days. On top of that, during this time I also lost my grandfather, who practically raised me. So I have even more emotional swings now! I have days where I can go without crying or being angry, but then there are days that I just want to sit in a room and bawl my eyes out. I can tell you one thing though, DO NOT keep it bottled up inside, that will tear you up. Trust me, I know.

Just know that we here do understand and can relate. Feel free to vent here, we'll listen.

Hugs!
TweetyGirl

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