CSN Login
Members Online: 15

Relationships & Fertility

srisko's picture
srisko
Posts: 34
Joined: Apr 2008

Hi everyone,
I had ALL when I was five years old and I'm 23 now and finishing college. The only thing I am worried about now is relationship and fertility issues. My relationship issue is that I have never had one. I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend and I just feel so discouared that here I am at 23 years old and haven't even had my first kiss yet. I want to share my life with someone but I'm not sure how I should go about it. Another thing that really scares me is that my oncologist told me I'm at risk for early menopause because of my chemo. She also told I'm very lucky that I'll be able to have my own children but I don't know when I'm going to stop having my period or anything like that. What if I don't right guy in time? Or I do but I can't have children with him because my biological clock has stopped ticking? If there are any young women dealing with same issues please help me because I'm so scared about this.
Sarah

meagz
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2008

hi Sarah,

ive found that when you put a lot of pressure on yourself (especially with relationships) its not gonna work out. You need to go out and have fun with friends! you're graduating university right? I have another year left of university myself and I found that when you are out and enjoying life (and not looking) thats when you'll find someone. And about the early menopause possibility, I'd say deal with that when you get to it. When you find the person you want to spend your life with, you should discuss this with them. If it happens to be that having a baby (biologically) is not in the cards for you, then there are other options like adoption. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, so what ever is supposed to happen for you will.

But seriously, don't worry yourself over boyfriend issues. Just enjoy life and when you least expect it, thats when something will happen for you.

I am surviving from thyroid cancer, but i also have PCOS, which makes it every difficult for me to ever get pregnant. But you cant worry yourself over things you cant control. so be happy!

mobo's picture
mobo
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2005

hi, I happened to click on this because my wife and i are working through a similar situation. she has early menapause and we were not able to concieve did all the therapys and invetro. we are adopting and it is a wonderful experience. for what it is worth from a guys perspective if you love someone there are lots of choices for raising a family and adoption is working for us. I think the other person said it well. work on living now and the rest will follow. easier said than done but it does happen.

beautifullyn8v
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2008

I have the same worries you do. I had Osteosarcoma when i was 14 and now i am 21, in my first relationship ever and we are talking about having kids, but I am so worried becuase I have no clue what all the chemo has done to my body.

Also, as for with you, since you know that there is some possible risk of early menopause, you could try and get some eggs frozen. I don't know much about all of that, or how much it costs or how it works. But that is another option.
But I'm sure you WILL find someone in time. I was just like you not to long ago. I thought I was never going to find someone becuase I was so shy when it came to dating. I thought that I wouldn't even know what to do in a relationship.
I was even scared of kissing... like would I know how to do it right? lol. u kno all those little things.
But most of all I was afraid that I wouldn't find a man that would be able to accept all of my scars and medical problems that came from my osteosarcoma. I've been in remission for 6 yrs. Things are going good. And I have someone I love very much who I want to marry, and who accepts me for everything I am. I am covered with scars and I have a limp from all of the surgeries. I thought that no man would be able to look past that. But he did. And he is AMAZING!!!

I KNOW you will be just fine. Just live your LIFE TO THE FULLEST, be the best person you can be and you'll randomly run into someone who your meant to be with. Watch, he'll find you when your not even looking :)

CANCER SURVIVOR
Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2008

I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR FOR 16YRS. I WAS TOLD BY MY DOCS THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE KIDS. I AM A PROUD MOTHER OF A 7YR OLD HEALTHY BOY. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE THRU GOD THE ALMIGHTY.. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. BE STRONG HAVE FAITH. IF INTERESTED IN CONVERSING I AM ON FACE BOOK=============LET ME KNOW AND I'LL ADD YOU AS MY FRIEND.

ajmusa
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2012

Amen this is so true God can do it.

love4art
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2011

Hi Sarah,

I was treated for CML when I was 16 years old. I had many of the same fears as you with regards to fertility and relationship. I was told that I am not able to have children anymore, this came as a huge disappointment to me because I have always wanted to have my own children and it was even more difficult because of cultural reason.

I never started dating or had my first kiss until I was 21 years old. I had a poor self image after my transplant and I had a lot of damage to my body because of the years of steroid treatment following my transplant. I met a sweet boy at the time that helped heal me emotionally and how I saw myself physically. He also did not care about my inability to have children "naturally". When I told him he kissed me and said that he loved me and that we could adopt. That it didn't matter. Unfortunately, he wasn't "the one" as I was very young at the time and didn't really know what I wanted.

I've been dating now for about 10 years and I have had a mixture of experience with regards to men and how they react to my inability to conceive. Some have not had any difficult with hearing that I can't have kids, especially, if they care for me deeply while others reacted in a negative manner. Some even walked away stating that they wanted to have their own kids. Sure it was painful. It's still painful. I've even dated guys that told me to my face that "I should be thankful that they are with me even thought I can't have kids". I believe those statements came from their own insecurities because I am a strong woman.

My point being, if someone doesn't want to be with you and doesn't love you unconditional- YOU DON'T NEED THEM & YOU DON'T WANT THEM IN YOUR LIFE. Someone out there WILL love you and cherish you for the beautiful person that you are. Sometimes you will experience emotional pain and disappointment in a relationship but I believe "that which does not kill you only makes you stronger".

Don't be afraid, don't be nervous to love and find love and definitely don't worry about time restraints. Enjoy you life and when you least expect it, you will meet the most amazing man. One worth keeping around. One that love you fully for all that you are. Travel, date, go out with your friends. I'm a very religious person so I hope you don't mind me saying this but "God have you a second chance at life so live and be happy with yourself and when the time is right you will meet someone to share your life with"

Take care,

Sue

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network