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skrafft
skrafft Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and will begin chemo treatments next week. I want to support her but since I don't live nearby, I can't be with her. I call her and am a good listener, but what else can I do or give to her to help during this difficult time.

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  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #2
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    Hi skrafft.
    Many of us deal with this issue of being away from someone we love who is going through a crisis.
    The main thing is just to be in frequent contact (phone, email, whatever) and let her know she can contact you ANY TIME day or night if she is having a bad day or hour or minute.
    You might also introduce her to our chat rooms here. I know of no better place to meet others who are going through similar circumstances and are more than willing to offer support and love.
    God bless your friend and YOU for being a good friend.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
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    The other thing is give her some bits of normal. If you used to go to lunch, go to lunch. Movie, go to a movie...whatever....her routine WILL be a bit upset...but normal is so safe and comfortable. Be encouraging when she loses her hair. My best buddy (Coug90...here...lol) made my day when, after encouraging me to post my bald pic, said over and over how beautiful I looked with no hair....remind her that all of this is a moment in time....it won't last forever...

    My last thought....tell her water, water, water....I drank 4 quarts (!) the day before, day of, and day after chemo infusion....now, 1.5 years later, I have NO tingling toes or numb fingers (common with Breast cancer chemo...).

    Hugs, Kathi
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
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    Let me first say THANK YOU for being such a great friend~ your coming in here to inquire is so wonderful. Your friend is blessed indeed!
    As my BC sisters have already said...just make yourself available to her. If you both have cell phones, and the service is good; it might be good to give her a call while she is having chemo. If she knows for example, that she will be there every third Wednesday and she tells you her chemo is at 1:30...maybe you can arrange to have her call you ( or vice versa) at say, 2. When she is hooked up and settled in, it might be a great time to connect.
    Her life feels so altered right now...you can be the Normal in her life. You were her friend Before, During, and you will be After! Don't ignore what she is going thru...and as her chemo goes on she will get more exhausted, but you can still be her touchstone for "regular" things--gossip, new clothes you bought, just Girl Stuff. And yes, by all means, encourage her to join this site~and you come back as often as you want as well.
    Once more, thank you for being such a caring friend...you are a blessing!
    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • teresaglea
    teresaglea Member Posts: 16
    #5
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    Hi Skrafft, Even though you are far away, there is still a lot you can do to help your friend. I breed dogs and show them as a hobby so I have friends all over the US. One of my friends sent me a new robe. It was so comfy when I felt bad and it reminded me of her and how much I am loved and blessed. Another friend sent me the not posted below in an e-mail when I lost my hair. I thought it was great and lightened the mood. You decide if it ill help your friend. This little story has a whole lot of meaning to it. Enjoy!!!

    There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

    Attitude is everything. As the saying goes: "The kind of life you will have isn't determined by what happens to you, it's determined by your reaction to what happens to you."

    Have a Good Day. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!

    I had very long hair, Losing my hair was very tramatic for me. It took me seven years to grow it that long and I knew at my age, I would probably never have it this long again. But this e-mail really helped. As did another friend who went me a knit hat with dread locks attached! Again, I have a great since of humor and my friends do too!! So when I opened this UPS package, I laughed so hard I cried. I then put it on and e-mailed her a picture of me wearing it. Cancer is hard, so if your friend has a good sence of humor use it to help her get through the hard times. Another tip....When I was on the heavy steroids during chemo, I was up for 24 hours at a time. Those times in the middle of the night were lonely. You might want to tell her your going to take a nap the day she has chemo. Then have her call you when she is up all night and you can just talk. Of course, have her sign up here. We would love to help her through this. Your a good friend. Teresaglea
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #6
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    teresaglea said:

    Hi Skrafft, Even though you are far away, there is still a lot you can do to help your friend. I breed dogs and show them as a hobby so I have friends all over the US. One of my friends sent me a new robe. It was so comfy when I felt bad and it reminded me of her and how much I am loved and blessed. Another friend sent me the not posted below in an e-mail when I lost my hair. I thought it was great and lightened the mood. You decide if it ill help your friend. This little story has a whole lot of meaning to it. Enjoy!!!

    There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

    The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

    Attitude is everything. As the saying goes: "The kind of life you will have isn't determined by what happens to you, it's determined by your reaction to what happens to you."

    Have a Good Day. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!

    I had very long hair, Losing my hair was very tramatic for me. It took me seven years to grow it that long and I knew at my age, I would probably never have it this long again. But this e-mail really helped. As did another friend who went me a knit hat with dread locks attached! Again, I have a great since of humor and my friends do too!! So when I opened this UPS package, I laughed so hard I cried. I then put it on and e-mailed her a picture of me wearing it. Cancer is hard, so if your friend has a good sence of humor use it to help her get through the hard times. Another tip....When I was on the heavy steroids during chemo, I was up for 24 hours at a time. Those times in the middle of the night were lonely. You might want to tell her your going to take a nap the day she has chemo. Then have her call you when she is up all night and you can just talk. Of course, have her sign up here. We would love to help her through this. Your a good friend. Teresaglea

    GREAT hair story, Teresa! Whoever thinks of these things, anyway? Great, inventive minds to help us through something none of us should have to experience! Thanks for the up-lift!
    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #7
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    Some of my greatest support during this last year has come from out of town friends and interesting patterns developed. There was one who sent funny cards at least twice a week. One that called every sunday night before chemo, one called every Saturday morning. Others were email buddies.
    Listening is the greatest gift you can give your friend. I kind of "lost" a dear friend through this last year, because she was so uncomfortable when I talked about my cancer, especially my poor prognosis. I needed to talk and she couldn't listen. Others filled in where she fell away, but my sadness is for her - I've had this wonderful group from all over the country and Ireland carrying me this year and she couldn't be a part of it. What did they offer? a listening ear, a great sense of humor and faith in my ability to persevere!! Pass it on!
    She
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #8
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    I agree with what the others have said. Email is a great way to communicate because she can answer it when she feels up to it, but she still knows you are thinking of her. Also, ask her whaat you can do. Maybe there is book she wants... you could buy it and send it to her. Maybe she has a favorite store or restaurant (if she feels like eating) you could send her a gift card, or if you know if she has a church community or family, you could arrange for someone to bring her groceries. All that may be too involved...I don't know how far you are, just thinking "out loud". I think the main thing is to keep on being her friend.

    seof.

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