Oct 01, 2007 - 6:24 pm
I'm new to this group .I have been posting in the NHL section but there does not seem to be much interaction on that side. I am an only child and am caring for my mum who has terminal non hodgekins lymphomas. The doc thinks that she only has a couple of months left and I just can't cope or believe this is it for her. I am an only child and we have always been very close. A couple of weeks ago she had a bad fall and broke one of the bones in her back so now she can't get around and has to have complete bed rest.Since this accident she has come to live me me and my six month old baby. I find it so heartbreaking that my baby will grow up and only know my husbands mothers as her nan.When I fell pregnant my mum was more exicited than me or my husband, it just seems so unfair.I have looked after her for the last seven years since she was first cursed with this disease. I always managed before to make her laugh and be as positive as possible but now I can't seem to pull it off anymore. I have a bed downstairs in the main sitting room for my mum and I find myself looking at her every night in it nice and warm thinking that it is only a matter of time before she is in the cold ground. For my mother stake I need to get these thoughts out of my head. I need to find a way to make her laugh again. I don't feel that there is anyone I can talk to as I don't feel that they would understand what I am feeling. Also I don't want to seem selfish like it coming to the end of the world for my mother and I can do is think about myself and think morbid thoughts.In the past doctors have made mistakes with my mum and I have been there to make her better but this time there is no mistake and there is nothing I can do to take away the harsh fact of what is happening.I feel so helpless for not been able to fix this and it totally wipes out everything I ever fixed for her before. I could go on and on but I don't expect anyone out there could put up with this. I guess the bottom line is I need to find a way to become more positive about this to help my mum cope better.If there is anyone out there who had experienced a situation like this and has any feedback at all I would be most grateful for any suggestions. In the meantime God (if there is such a thing)be with you all in these troubled times.