Aug 01, 2007 - 2:49 am
I was diagnosed with Rhabdo in my bladder when I was 18 months old(I am 25 now) and I've had to catheterize myself to urinate my whole life since then. About a month ago, after many tests, I learned that the only way I would be able to have children was with IVF (which is SO expensive) due to scarring in my tubes from the surgeries I had to remove the cancer. Needless to say I was very upset, especially because I had always been told by my doctors that I wouldn't have any problems getting pregnant and having a child due to my cancer or treatments. I guess one of the things I'm having the most trouble with is allowing myself to feel angry. I feel like I should just be grateful to have survived, and this is part of the price I have to pay for that. But honestly I have to choke the anger down everytime I think about this whole situation, and I have a hard time thinking about children, even my own niece without crying my eyes out. Is it wrong to be feeling so lost and upset when without the cause of this I wouldn't even be alive?