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can't breathe

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2007

I lost my husband to colon cancer March 12, five days before his 38th birthday. We have three sons and I guess I've just been running on autopilot for the last few weeks taking care of them, dealing with all of the details, and whatever. I started back to work ( I had been home with my husband for about eight weeks) and that was a good thing, but now that shock is wearing off and I don't know if I can deal. I feel like I have an elephant on my chest. Everytime I look at my wedding ring I want to burst into tears but thinking about taking it off makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have a few friend at work who have lost thier husbands, even one who is about my age but I'm afraid to talk to them because I don't want to make them upset. Thank goodness one of my kids got a stomach bug and I stayed home today. Is all of this normal or am I losing my mind?

Posts: 1561
Joined: May 2006


Please accept my condolence on the loss of your husband. This is no doubt a very difficult time. I encourage you to contact the American Cancer Society's National Cancer Information Center. Cancer Information Specialists are available 24 hours a day and can assist you with bereavement and support resources in your area. They can be reached at 1-800-227-2345.

Take care and be well,

CSN Dana

Posts: 10
Joined: Jul 2007

Everyhting you say sounds so "normal". I lost my mom in April to Lung cancer - that came out of nowhere. She was diagnosed in late September and died in April, and it wasn't even a "progressed" cancer. We got it early. She was 67 never sick a day in her life and she was my rock. We spoke about 6x a day, she was helping me to raise my two children. My husband, who suffers from a depressive illness, recently said it would have been easier if he had died. I know it sounds horrible, but I understood what he was saying. My mom was like my spouse, we did everything together, my kids went to her as a third parent, she lived 1/2 the week with us.
I too feel on the verge of panic attacks and feel at times like I can't breathe. I am in grief counseling (because honestly I do not know what else to do, and no one really seems to understand the bottomless pit of my grief) and I joined another web chat for caregivers who lost a loved one to cancer. I feel like I am living in a foxhole and people are saying to me "did you take your vitamins today"? I'm getting through this hour by hour.
I have never felt so lonely in my life. I feel so, so alone. Getting out of bed to get to work is difficult. What keeps me going is I have 2 kids to raise and I have to learn a new way to live. My husband unfortunately can't be there as emotionally as I need. It's like learning a new way to walk or to talk. My life has been changed forever and I haven't a clue as to where to start. That's one of the reasons I have joined these chat groups.
My heart and thoughts are with you.

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