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recently bad and feeling alone

misscat
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2006

with all of the physical changes that come with have cancer, ive found that for me, becoming bald has been the hardest. i dont feel like myself anymore. how strange is that?? to feel like my hair made me who i was and am. i also feel completely alone even though i have friends and family surrounding me constantly. i just want to date again and feel like someone finds me beautiful. does anyone else out there feel like this???? im sure someone does. if there are any suggestions on how to get back out there in the dating game, or to just make oneself feel better about the loss of the life as they knew it, please respond. im starting to lose my mind. thanks!!

cat

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Hi,
I have not checked this message board in a while. I usually post in the colon cancer forum. I am not that "young" anymore I guess. I am 36 now! But when I was diagnosed I was only 31 and that is pretty young, especially for colon cancer.
Anyway, I had chemo that made my hair fall out too. I remember at first I wore a bandana and I still had some hair so people couldn't really tell that most of it was gone - but by the time I finished the chemo I looked like one of the Peanuts characters (the boys). I decided to shave my head at that time and I always had long hair before that. Eventually I started getting peach fuzz and then it grew back and it looked pretty cute short.
How old are you BTW?
I remember I cried when they shaved my head. I never would have done that otherwise and I hated it. The wierd thing is that lots of people do it now, guys and girls and they aren't even having chemo. This woman at work shaved her head this summer and so did several of the guys. I was just like, "Why would you do that?" But anyway, the good thing is that eventually your hair will grow back. It has now been 3 years since I finished the chemo that made my hair fall out and now it is past my shoulders again.
I don't know any magic way to feel better about the changes that have happened in your life except to try to focus on the future. It is OK to dream. Don't let your current situation stop you from setting goals and making plans for next week, next month, or even next year. For me the mental aspects of cancer are the worst, worse than the physical aspects. Time really does help but I am still really scared. I guess that eventually goes away too.
I would recommend going out and getting a massage, taking long walks, go to yoga or some other dance class, or whatever you like to do. Wear cool hats, and maybe if you live in a larger town/city you could join a support group with other people your age.
I hope that helped some,
You can e-mail me if you want to,
Susan.

GogolBordello's picture
GogolBordello
Posts: 11
Joined: Apr 2005

It's easy to make hair your big focus. I think partly because it's a "small" thing to sweat out and also because just about everyone else has it, so therefore you want it more now that you don't have it. You never miss what you have until it's being threatened to be or being taken away at times. It's easier to get hung up about your hair then your entire experience with cancer. Nothing wrong with it, I'm a guy and I was annoyed at the prospect of loosing it at first as well. Well, anyway that's my take on it. When life surrounds you with horse crap, there's gotta be a pony in it somewhere.

bbethb79
Posts: 14
Joined: Oct 2006

Hey misscat! I am new to this board(just found it today) and I haven't been diagnosed with cancer yet but it is a strong possibility that I am facing. Of course with all the unknowns now there are tons of things going on in my head but one thing that I sat and cried and cried about was the thought of losing my hair so I can understand your feelings. It is hard for some ppl to understand how that can be such a big worry but it is. For me, I am known for my long thick curly brown hair. It is kind of my trade mark. Like I guess for a guy that is tall to wake up tomorrow and be 5 foot would be hard on them. If you can afford it(I know for me with medical bills and loss of time from work money is very tight) I would recommend some pampering. When I was a teenager I washed hair in a somewhat upscale salon and there was one man there that spent quality time with cancer patients(mostly women) He was an expert on wigs, helping you to find the right wig for you, styling it and making it look natural and helping you to put on makeup in such a way to first make you feel great about yourself and secondly to make you look so vibrant and not sick or tired. Call around to some of the salons in your area and ask if they have anyone there like this. He was really an angel and did wonders for the ladies that came in. The way this place was set up each stylist had their own room(it was an old house) and he would close his door for the person's privacy while he showed them how to wear and style their new hair and the makeup tricks. Maybe you have someone in your area like this that you don't even know about. If you would like to talk, please email me. I am 27 and not married so I can understand how you are feeling right now. Take care and I hope you are able to find someone that can help you feel as beatiful on the outside as you are on the inside.

Beth

albamasurviver's picture
albamasurviver
Posts: 65
Joined: Aug 2004

Welcome to survivorship, 15 years and I still feel the same. I have decided that survivors are just on a different plane of logic and thinking, therefor we are alone more mentally than physically. Its not really anything to be sad about you are wiser than most, but to wisdom comes a price.

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