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Where did my life go?
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Jul 09, 2006 - 10:40 am
Hi. It has been almost a year since my surgery, and 4 mos since my last chemo. I don't know if this is the forum I should be on, but my husband walked out on me a month ago. Literally, without an explanation or clue why and I have not heard from him since. The day before he told me that he was used to me being happy and laughing and then my mom passed away so I was sad, and then I got cancer. I almost feel guilty for getting cancer. I am no kid here, (46), and understand that this is horrible behavior and a spoiled selfish man that I am married to, but it still hurts. Our 2 yr anniversary would be tomorrow. I just feel like why did I survive cancer to live like this? |
Joined: Feb 2006
Shame on him. But you don't deserve to be with someone as selfish and unkind as that-- so you'll have to be strong and believe that better things are in store for you. If he's the type to walk out, then he would have done it at some point anyway.
I don't mean to sound harsh. My heart aches for you-- it's a horrible thing to be going through, and I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.
Try to remember that you've survived the death of your mother and a diagnosis of cancer for a REASON. Maybe that reason isn't to spend the rest of your life with your husband, but YOU ARE MEANT FOR BETTER THINGS.
You're grieving and in shock right now-- but just like you survived cancer, you will survive this. It just takes TIME and DISTANCE.
My best to you, and I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Joined: Oct 2005
Thank you so much. I know you are right and as you stated, I am in shock. I can't believe that he would do this, but perhaps there is a reason for everything. I certainly am not having a pity party, but sometimes I just feel alone and needed to vent. Your reply meant alot to me and I appreciate it. Cancer, as horrible as it is, has opened my heart and eyes to many wonderful people and a whole new attitude. Thank you.
Joined: Jun 2006
I am so sad to hear that this has happened to you. He sounds like a spoiled little child who likes being the center of attention. Your cancer and your mother's death took the focus off of him for too long so he bailed. He's got a lot of growing up to do and you didn't marry him to be his mother. You've survived some of the worst things - your own cancer and the death of your mother. You'll find you'll not only survive this coward's departure - you'll grow and thrive and continue on your own road to health (we pray) and sharing your amazing life and story with others who may need your strength and insight somewhere in the future.
God bless!
Joined: Jul 2006
dreamrer - wow, what a harsh pill to swallow. I have no answer (doubt he has a true, valid one, either) -- but, this is about YOU. I know it is easy to say "let the guy go and move one" -- but, that isn't reality. So, first, focus on yourself . . . he'll always be there . . . no need to run back to him, worry about him. Take care of yourself. You can always email me if you'd like. Surround yourself with GOOD and TRUE . . . everyone/everything else is just baggage . . . and, for me, cancer is baggage enough without a grown-up adding to it. Can I hear an "amen"? *smiles*
Lauri
Joined: Oct 2005
Laurie...first of all, AMEN!!! And yes, this is one hard pill to swallow. I am having such a hard time, it's like I am in such a depression over such a thoughtless man. Thank you for writing and write me anytime.
Joined: Nov 2004
Boy do I understand you. My husband didnt leave but he gave me very little support (at one point he even called me a hypocondriac. I am sure he cares but he is also afraid and wont admit it. SoI fill my life my by refusing to give in. I do all the things I love to do and attend all family functions. just this year I flew to Las Vegas for my son's wedding, attended my grandsons first communion and my grandaughters high school graduation (all things I thought I would never be ble to do when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Thats what you live for. Dont give up. Keep doing the things you want and love to do. And keep fighting to get well. I truly believe that your attitude means a lot. If you can accept the diagnosis of cancer and learn how to live with it you can learn to live with the departure of some man who probably didnt deserve you in the first place. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Joined: Jun 2006
My heart goes out to you. My family has been so supportive of my father, I can't imagine where he would be without us. You must be an amazing, strong woman and you should be very proud of that.