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I'm Tired!!

stressed
Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

My husband has been cleared of his cancer. The tumors are dead and gone - he had stage 4 tonsil cancer. His last treatment was March 1. I'm tired of having to do everything!! He doesn't want to bounce back or return. We have 3 beautiful children ( 1 who has CF) and I need his help & for him to open to the world again. We have bills due, mortgages, car notes, etc.... Any advice?? I can't work outside the home because of our 1 year old ( with CF) and his inconsistent health. I just want out!!!

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7874
Joined: Aug 2005

Have you read my caregiver's bill of rights? If you go to my page, you will see it under Expressions Gallery...
Have you TOLD him in NO UNCERTAIN terms that he is now a cancer SURVIVOR...he won't be the same person he was, but he should listen to what you say to him about needs...otherwise, seek a professional counselor...for you, him, and BOTH of you.....
Hugs, Kathi

stressed
Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

Thanks Kathi -

krkath's picture
krkath
Posts: 72
Joined: Feb 2006

You know? I'm at a year (today I see Onc) reviving physically from chemo and radiation for Breast Cancer.
My roommate and best friend (I'm happily divorced 18 years) but was lucky enough to have someone so special who stuck it out with me. Caregivers go through a lot of emotional stress. And believe me, even right now I hear everyday how she needs me to help out more, that she HAS to do everything and she is SO STRESSED, she is now on Prozac.
It makes me feel bad and I push myself everyday to go to work and even if I still use the little electric carts to shop. It helps save on my legs. I do what I can so she doesn't give up on me, but believe me when your in pain and feel the *****ING coming at you sometimes it makes things worse. Some people give up, and I wonder why there aren't more suicides. Maybe we just don't hear about them because we come to this website for information and for me when I need it most my Sanity! Maybe, you should get your husband on the website. Maybe he needs a little more time to heal.
By the way, I asked my best friend (Caregiver) to quit her job because my insurance would cover the bills. She is still out of work because of me and I totally understand how you feel. But I also understand how your husband must feel. I mean we thought "OK, chemo's over, life back to normal!" Boy, had is wished I'd found this site while going through chemo.
Advice? Maybe counseling. It's tough when the bills have to be paid and no money. It's the worse case scenario for a lot of couples. Maybe call the ACS and see if they can help out with your chores. They will do that if you call the number and set you up with a volunteer in your area. Hopes and Prayers for both of you!
Kathy

helenkent
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2006

I kow what you mean. My husband has been having treatment for 18 months for a synovial sarcoma to his arm. We have 3 children 13 10 and 3 and all seems to be getting harder. He cant see any light at the end of the tunnel albeit hopefully the cancer has been taken away - maybe for the present time only. Sometimes i want to scream because i need him to see the light but i can under stand that he is not the man he was. I am very scared at him leaving us all, if that is to be the case because we have been told sarcomas to recurr. He has had one reccurrence and its all so scary hes only 42. God bless to you all i wish i had found this site earlier before i go completely made

Helen

stressed
Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

I don't know about any of you who see this - but I want off the rollercoaster. I want my life back. Thanks for your positive advice, but let me explain the current situation - I did not start the wars in the middle east - I've never been there. But my husband has begun to blame me for everything including that. Any advice?

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