how do you stay strong?

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3greatkids
3greatkids Member Posts: 45
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello to all.
How do you stay strong for your loved one when you don't feel strong yourself anymore? A quick recap of our situation is that Mike was diagnosed back in Sept. with stage 3. Had chemo/rad, then surg. in Jan. There was no lymph node involvement and they said no signs of it spreading. Of course we were to say the least, ecstatic. He was then told that just to be safe he would have 4 rounds of 5fu, starting in Feb. 1 week on/3off. Well the first round went great, he felt pretty good, however round 2, we got a big scare. They said his bloodwork was not right, they thought it was that his liver was inflamed, but they sent him for a bone scan just to make sure that it had not travelled anywhere else. Since his last treatments, Mike has felt terrible. Extremely tired, no appetite, and just plain lousy. He can not really even explain how he feels. Then last night he finally expressed his feelings (and mine), and we are both terrified that maybe they missed something and the cancer has come back. We will not find out results until next monday. So how can you deal with this? I know you just do, but, I just want the world to stand still until Monday. I know the kids have to be fed, work has to be dealt with, but I just want to yell at everybody to GO AWAY, because we are so scared that he is feeling this way not from the chemo but because of cancer returning. The Dr. has said that the side effects should only last a week, and his have been for 3 weeks (he starts his next round on Monday). Well I am so sorry for rambling, but you people are the ones who understand. This is one time in my life that family does not understand what we are going through. All we get is "oh I am sure everything will turn out just fine. He is to young for it not to" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Anyhow, thank you to everyone for letting me get this out, and now I think I will go and have a good crying session, and pray for my wonderful husband that everything will be fine and it is all related to chemo. That chemo can sure be nasty.
God Bless
Sylvia

Comments

  • JustAnne
    JustAnne Member Posts: 13
    #2
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    My husband is stage 4 and I can't be too much help about how to stay strong because I feel like I just live day-to-day for most of the time that he's on chemo. I will say that for him the side effects have been pretty horrible - and it is the chemo that is causing it, not the cancer getting worse. Also, his side effects seem to last longer than average. I see people on this board that keep working full time and there are many days my husband doesn't even get dressed much less do any work. But I know it's the chemo not the cancer - he is currently on a chemo break because they wanted to switch him to a different chemo and he insisted he needed some time off. He has been off chemo for 5 weeks and is really feeling very well now. But we start back up next week....
    So, all this is to say I don't have any advice about making the world stop (I know exactly what you mean) but there are people who feel as bad as he does because of the chemo not because of the cancer!
  • tkd3g
    tkd3g Member Posts: 767
    #3
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    Hi Sylvia.

    Let me start by saying I was the patient not the caregiver. Stage 3 rectal cancer/ possible 2 nodes involved/chemoradiation/surgery/ 6 months of post-op chemo.

    I found one of the hardest and challenging things to do, was to go on "as usual". KNow what? Things aren't the same. I have 3 children, 7,14 and 17 yrs. old. ( diagnosed 2 years ago) They knew something was up. We explained age appropriately to each.

    How do you cope? The best that you can. Sorry to say, there isn't a manual on this garbage.

    This is what I needed from my husband: HOld my hand when I'm scared. Listen to the doctors, so I don't have to.( I didn't hear them most of the time, anyway), get a pizza when I can't make dinner. Take the kids out of the house so I can feel lousy without faking it. Rub my back. Cry, when you want to. Talk to me. You don't have to "fix" everything, just be there.

    It sounds to me, that maybe your husband had a reaction to the chemo. Try and wait till you hear from the oncologist.

    I can't tell you to be positive all the time. Well, actually, I can tell you that :), but, I know how hard it is.

    Stage 1,2,3 or 4. Try not to get caught up in numbers. That is all they are. Statistic? Who gives a flying flip about them?

    Take his hand, hold each other, you'll get through this. One day at a time. One day at a time.

    My best to you and your husband.

    Barb
  • nanuk
    nanuk Member Posts: 1,358 Member
    #4
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    there are things that you can do to help tolerate the chemo. In addition to dose adjustments and medications for side effects, there is a shot to build RBCs if low. Talk to your Dr.

    Also, visit:

    http://www.selfhelpcancer.org/

    Bud
  • NanD
    NanD Member Posts: 58
    #5
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    You mentioned that you pray. The hardest thing is getting "prayed out". I found comfort in knowing others were praying for me. There were times I simply couldn't pray for myself anymore or find comfort in it. Then I just concentrated on knowing that all the friends who had asked what they could do I had asked to pray. Those prayers will hold you up. It's a way to really let go and let God.
    The chemo was yucky for me too and I didn't work during that time. I barely got off the couch sometimes. I'm fine now! Statistically I shouldn't be but I am. Have hope but don't force a positive attitude you don't feel. I'm praying for you today.
  • RunnerZ
    RunnerZ Member Posts: 185
    #6
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    Sylvia,
    As a 7 plus year survivor of stage 3 rectal cancer (diagnosed at 36 with 3 kids at the time, 1, 4 and 7), I know all too well that feeling of dread that you guys have. HOWEVER...do not confuse the side-effects of chemotherapy with a recurrence of cancer...I already did that and I was wrong EVERY time!! Your husband, from the sounds of it, is in pretty good shape, and it is my guess that he will be cured of this stupid disease. I doubt that the Drs. missed anything...they just run checks to be safe and give us heart attacks and sleepless nights. If I had a dollar for every time I thought my cancer had returned I would be retired and welathy by now...but alas, I am hoeplessly middle class and HEALTHY! Chemotherpay can make you feel AWFUL! Especially the newer drugs. However, that has nothing to do with the ultimate outcome of the disease. So, try and relax...everything will be fine!
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #7
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    Hi Sylvia,

    I want to send good vibes your way and your husbands. Everyone is different on the chemo. Like in a post above it might be a reaction to the chemo or he is just having a bad bout with it. I know that I still have mild reactions all the way up to my next treatment. I only feel close to normal by my next treatment. For the appetite see if anything sounds good. Have him eat small meals. Make sure he is drinking to get the chemo out of his system. Staying hydrated I think is the hardest part with the side effects. We are all pulling for you guys so hope saying that helps. HUGS!!!!

    Lisa
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248 Member
    #8
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    Hi Sylvia -

    I am coming at this from the point of view of a Stage IV patient, but I have to say that the cancer has not made me sick so far - only the treatment. (That's not strictly true - there were unpleasant symtoms prior to my colon surgery - but since that point only the chemo has made me sick.)

    It is very tough, but chemo affects everyone differently and it is not fun for anyone. It is also cumulative. My reactions increased with each cycle, but as someone already mentioned dosage adjustments and interval changes can help to deal with that. They certainly did in my case. And when chemo stops for a while, you start feeling great. Many people talk about working during chemo - everyone is different and I also think lots of would admit that we may not have been 100% effective during our chemo working days. I elected to take the week of chemo off (we always did it on Monday). The next week I was back in action. Was everything perfect? No. Was I tired? Yes. In a way I feel like I didn't produce in the way I am used to but we got through it. So will your husband. And he should not feel bad if he has bad reactions to chemo - it is a perfectly normal part of the territory. Just make sure he tells his oncologist and make sure the oncologist is listening. Mine was very serious about discussing side effects and adjusting therapy as indicated. Never made it easy, but the adjustments of various sorts definitely helped.

    There is nothing we can really do to allay your fears as you await test results - impossible not to worry as you await those results, but please know that feeling really lousy from chemo is pretty much the way it is and the chemo is most likely the cause of your husband's symptoms.

    I'll be thinking of you.

    Betsy
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #9
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    Sylvia,

    I am sending you a great big hug. I have also been there and wondered how I would ever get through chemo. I was a nurse for 25 years when I was diagnosed in 3/03 with stage 3 rectal cancer . I had a very rough 2 years with 11 hospitalizations. I was 46 and healthy. I had NO IDEA what patients go through. I still worry about the cancer coming back. I am having my next cat scan in a month and I am already worrying about it.

    It does sound like your husband is having problems from the chemo and not the cancer coming back. I received only 4 out of 12 post op chemo treatments because I was so sick.

    Hug your hubby and come here any time to vent.

    Maureen
  • 3greatkids
    3greatkids Member Posts: 45
    #10
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    Thank you everyone. As I begin to read these posts I am passing each one on to my husband, and we are feeling a bit more positive. It is so nice to have people "who have walked a mile in his shoes", and so we are hoping that in fact it is the chemo.
    Thanks
    Sylvia and Mike :}
  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    #11
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    3greatkids said:

    Thank you everyone. As I begin to read these posts I am passing each one on to my husband, and we are feeling a bit more positive. It is so nice to have people "who have walked a mile in his shoes", and so we are hoping that in fact it is the chemo.
    Thanks
    Sylvia and Mike :}

    Sylvia and Mike...hi guys.I know waiting for testing is a really horrid feeling. In fact right now we are waiting for Jen's feacal tests to come back as she has been having some really bad gastro problems(she is not the one with cancer, I am, but it is a worry for me)....more on that in my topic above this one.
    As for Mike I tend to agree with Anne...it may very well be just the chemo causing the really bad vibes.I did plain old 5fu/leucovorin for 6 months and was very ill the whole time, yet my onc. said there would be minimal side effects. Others doing the same stuff here were able to work. I guess our bodies are all different. Before dx I was very active and very physically fit...that all fell in a heap.Note;;;;we ALL have very different reactions to this poison.
    How do we cope?With lots of loving, crying, support for each other...and Jen and I did plenty of that!Sylvia...there is absolutely no shame in expressing your emotions.....now go hold your man and cry with him, talk with him, and be open about how you both feel. You are an "angel" gal......you have the hardest job going!
    huggs from oz, Ross n Jen
  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    #12
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    kangatoo said:

    Sylvia and Mike...hi guys.I know waiting for testing is a really horrid feeling. In fact right now we are waiting for Jen's feacal tests to come back as she has been having some really bad gastro problems(she is not the one with cancer, I am, but it is a worry for me)....more on that in my topic above this one.
    As for Mike I tend to agree with Anne...it may very well be just the chemo causing the really bad vibes.I did plain old 5fu/leucovorin for 6 months and was very ill the whole time, yet my onc. said there would be minimal side effects. Others doing the same stuff here were able to work. I guess our bodies are all different. Before dx I was very active and very physically fit...that all fell in a heap.Note;;;;we ALL have very different reactions to this poison.
    How do we cope?With lots of loving, crying, support for each other...and Jen and I did plenty of that!Sylvia...there is absolutely no shame in expressing your emotions.....now go hold your man and cry with him, talk with him, and be open about how you both feel. You are an "angel" gal......you have the hardest job going!
    huggs from oz, Ross n Jen

    Hey Barb...Nels rubbed your back? I get me back scratched...it starts off with a rub then Jen goes into the "I wanna draw things on yah back syndrome!"....lol!
    Noughts and crosses...he!he!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #13
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    3greatkids said:

    Thank you everyone. As I begin to read these posts I am passing each one on to my husband, and we are feeling a bit more positive. It is so nice to have people "who have walked a mile in his shoes", and so we are hoping that in fact it is the chemo.
    Thanks
    Sylvia and Mike :}

    Oh, Sylvia, I can't really add anything to what others have said, except that I love you guys for being strong (you just don't see it, but you are).
    I was only a stage II patient, but the 5FU had me ON THE COUCH, crawling to the bathroom, crawling back to the couch for 2 weeks straight!!!! Please accept my hugs and good vibes, as I have posted before, you caregivers are the angels, because YOU see the entire battlefield....WE just see the battle...
    Hugs,
    Kathi

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