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JanQ's picture
JanQ
Posts: 238
Joined: Jan 2004

Well I have been on quite the rollercoaster ride since Feb.with the first biopsy and it coming back negative to the surgery and now it is disease. My doctor is waiting for results from California right now to see if he will put me on Tamoxifen or another drug, depending on wheather this is estrogen or progestrone fed, my first time it was both.
I really need your prayers, I'm trying not to let this consume my thoughts but the devil is winning right now, I'm tired and I don't want to do this again, I know I sound like a baby but I'm really mad. My 18 yr old daughter knows but I havent told my 14 yr old son I want to wait until after Christmas.
I love my doctor and he has a great reputation, but he kinda plays a waiting game, but for my own good he doesnt want to do chemo right now because of how it effects your bone marrow, so he is trying to draw out the time before that happens he looks at 100 cells just like 1000 that the chemo will do the same thing.So now you get to wonder how fast it is growing, I also have a hernia and he says he is not going to do anything about that right now. I just had my first cat scan right before surgery in Nov. he had always gone by the CA125, it went up to 35 and now he says he will not be taking those because it will continue to go up, he will just be doing the cat scans and comparing them. I made it 2 yrs before it reared its ugly head, both times at Thanksgiving.
Well thank you all for listening to me. You all are my inspiration and you are in my prayers.
Have a blessed Christmas. Jan

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

Jan:
Don't get down on yourself. I too am facing another surgery and 'possible' recurrence. It perfectly natural to have all those emotions from anger to fear and everything in between. Even though we have a strong faith, it's times like these that the 'deceiver' wants to shake it. So, please know that you are in our prayers. As much as is possible, enjoy the holidays and time with your family, as I will be trying to do. There are so many things that we can focus on, try to find those special things for you. My doctor is a 'saint' too, but he only can do so much and know so much. Even now his answers to my questions are mostly, 'we won't know for sure until the surgery'. That can be discouraging at best. But, I know that He is the Great Physician and Healer and I need to remember and trust in that. You and your family are in our prayers. Please keep us informed.
Monika

BonnieR's picture
BonnieR
Posts: 1549
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Jan, so sorry to hear you have to deal with this again. I know the initial fear and anger as I have been there also. Know that 2 years of remission give you a great chance of going right back into remission as it responded really well the first go around. I would let your family know as they can get a little angry for not being told whats going on, or at least mine really would.

Most Drs dont' do much until your tumor markers are up to 100 or higher the chemo is really hard on the body. For me when not on chemo a good WBC is 4-6 so you can see what the damage has been over the last 3 years. but that has been an awful lot of chemo.

Like Monika said the Great Physician has you in His care. I know at times like this it is hard to believe but I know you have great faith and knwo this is true. I will continue to pray for you and your family daily... for peace, patience, positive energy to fill your being, for a complete and total remission!

Hang in there girl and know we are here for you.

Prayers and Hugs BonnieRose

JanQ's picture
JanQ
Posts: 238
Joined: Jan 2004

Thank you so much, I needed that reinforcement to fight! I had really been letting depression take over,went to church this morning and we had the Lord's Supper it was great and it was a time of repentence and just knowing how good God is and just what he did for us in sending us his son so we could be free. Our pastor preached on the joy of the Lord, it is our strength. I need to dig into the word, and run the devil off!
God Bless you all and thank you again, you are in my prayers,we will get through this and we will give God the Glory!

Jan

paula57
Posts: 93
Joined: Jul 2005

Jan,just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers and thought about often. Best Wishes and Have a Merry Christmas, Paula

groundeffect
Posts: 651
Joined: Mar 2003

Jan, I'm sorry to hear you're having this going on - it always seems so tough on everyone to get bad news at this time of year. I hope you'll have a good Christmas with your kids, and will keep you in my prayers that I say for all of my friends with OVCA.

May we all have a blessed Christmas!

MichaelaMarie
Posts: 163
Joined: Aug 2005

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I had surgery in July 2004 - stage 3C. They had to leave a large tumor that was behind my spleen. They said the chemo would take care of it, and it did. I finished 6 rounds of Taxol/Carboplatin Nov. 2, 2004. As early as April, 2005, my CA-125 started climbing. After chemo it was 18, then 35, 65,85, 120, 195, etc. Anyway, in August they finally did a cat scan. It showed a 1/4inch growth on a lymph gland near my aeorta about my belly button. In October,2005, the growth had went to 1/2 inch. My oncologist is also conservative. He was going to start me on Gemzar, but asked if I wanted to wait until the first of January 2006 for another cat scan. I happily agreed. This last cat scan showed zero change. However, all along, since August, they have mentioned a hernia in the area of the lymph gland. Well, long story a little shorter, my oncology surgeon told my oncologist that she has had the CA-125 numbers go up three different times as a result of a hernia in the peritonea area....causing inflammation or whatever. Anyway, because they find almost no tumor (1/2")and with the rising CA-125 number, they have decided to operate on me next Monday morning, the 23rd, to repair the hernia, and look around inside a bit. If they find more, they plan to put in a portal for possible future chemo directed straight into the belly area (as recently on the news). Anyway, I'm a total nervous wreck! I don't know what to expect. I don't know how reliable the cat scans are. The last cat scan just two weeks ago, showed almost nothing. My oncologist is really hoping that the CA-125 high numbers are because of the hernia - ME TOO!!!! Oh, and also, I go to a Naturopathic doctor that is much more optimistic than the medical doctors. By the way, I write to another survivor on this network, and her CA-125 numbers have always been very low, like 6. Her doctor gets concerned if hers even go up a couple of numbers. When I was diagnosed mine was 119, and I had four tumors, each the size of a fist. Now, the last number I heard was 195, and they say there is only a tumor that is 1/2 inch. Go figure. Anyway, I just can't wait until Monday is over! At least I will know more about what is going on. I sure wish you the very, very best. My doctor also hates to start me on Gemzar (Gemcitbine) too because it is so hard on the bone marrow. I sure hope I haven't put chemo off too long. I agree, this life is like a rollercoaster ride. Take care and keep positive! MichaelaMarie

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