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Emotional Mess

gagliat
Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2005

I went to a friend's daughter's wedding on the week-end. Everyone was so pround and said it was such a milestone because I have not been out socially since April. BUT it was the saddest night of my life. I looked at my beautiful two sons with their gorgeous girlfriends and all I could think was "am I going to be at their wedding". My heart just ached. I danced with my handsome and gentle husband and all I could think of was "this gentle and caring and adoring man is going to be a widower". What will they do without me??? We are a very close knit family. We function as a unit. Our 22 and 25 year old sons call us many times a day (not so much to me these days) and ask for advice about everything. Who will give them advice when I'm gone and my husband will be so devastated.

Even if I'm around for a few years with this depression and uncontrollabe anxiety how will I guide them? Who will plan their wedding? Give them advise with their children?

I was dx in April with Stage 3 Ovarian and since then all I can do is think about how this will kill me. I'm on antidepressants and sedatives. I've seen a psycatrist, I've been to support groups, I'm now doing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) with a therapist (have any of you heard of this therapy?). BUT nothing seems to work. I'm depressed and sad all the times PLUS I'm going in for surgery December 1st and that scares the heck out of me. I'm a mess.
Thanks for listening and for any advice....

jamilou's picture
jamilou
Posts: 202
Joined: Mar 2005

Hi
I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. Something that helped me through the tough times was keeping a journal. Every night I made myself sit down and write about my day and I always tried to find one thing good about the day. I often found that once I started writing that the words just came and before I knew it I had written a whole page of feelings that I didn't realize that I had. I myself had 2 young daughters when I was diagnosed and rather than think of the future I tried to take each day and live just for that day. With God's help and lots of prayer I have made it 5 years. I won't say that I never think of the future and worry...but I try to stay in the present. I hope that you can find some peace soon and I will keep you in my prayers along with all the other women on this board. Keep us updated and good luck with your surgery.
Jami

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

We all experience these 'feelings' at one time or another, some more than others. Are you on the sedatives for the depression also? Although I'm not a doctor, sedatives and antidepressants may be contributing to your hopelessness. Beyond that, do you have a foundation of faith of any kind? For me, I know that I would not have been able to get through my situation without it. It's always easy to be in a 'what if' state of mind. But that creates anxiety and keeps you from living in the moment. In the beginning (and still from time to time) I ask myself 'what would my family do'? I then come back to my faith and what I know. Your unselfish feelings by being more concerned about your family than yourself is wonderful. But, having heard about your relationship with them I'm sure they are more concerned about YOU! The best thing you can do is educate yourself a little (don't overwhelm yourself with information) and focus on the positives. Enjoy each day as much as you can. DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. That means eat healthy, try to exercise (it REALLY does help) and keep all things in balance. Jami's journal idea is great. I had a journal and it was very therapeutic for me.

What about your medical situation? Will this be your first surgery? Have you had chemo? What are the doctors telling you? I suggest you start reading some of the many wonderful testimonies on this site. There are many of hope, success and miracles! And today we have so many amazing treatment options that it is not always 'hopeless'.

Please write back and let us know how your surgery went and what your treatment plan is. Rest assured there are many of us that will be praying for you and are here for you. I'll be waiting to hear from you again.

Monika
'God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND'

Cullipher
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2005

I am so sorry about your cancer...I can understand your feelings..I was diagnosed Sept.23, 2003 with ovarian cancer stage 2c my world fell apart.I was 55 I have four wonderful children two girls which are both nurses and I have two sons and a good husband...I had surgery I had six chemo treatments....after my fourth treatment we found out that my husband has lung cancer...stage 4.its not good and besides haveing a wonderful family I had God..so far I have done great.....we did a lot of praying..just put it in Gods hands it is our control..I wish you well....I will keep you in my prayers...I have grandchildren that keeps me busy,and of course me and my husband get out and travel as much as we can...I hope this can help you in some way...God bless you..

paula2
Posts: 163
Joined: Oct 2005

I hope by now that your surgery is behind you and your life is changing for the better. Waiting and fear of the unknown is so hard to deal with. My advice is to try to stay in the moment. We all have to grieve, of course, but when the negative thoughts become unbearable, come back to now, and have a look around you and love what you have today, this moment. Aren't you lucky to have such a loving family! And every God-given day is a thing of wonder and awe. Someone mentioned pain-management-this is important. Try to find hope where you can. Many of us are long term survivors. We also deal with uncertainty but cannot let it rule the day. Find hope and peace, God bless you.

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