Nov 25, 2005 - 6:02 pm
I went to a friend's daughter's wedding on the week-end. Everyone was so pround and said it was such a milestone because I have not been out socially since April. BUT it was the saddest night of my life. I looked at my beautiful two sons with their gorgeous girlfriends and all I could think was "am I going to be at their wedding". My heart just ached. I danced with my handsome and gentle husband and all I could think of was "this gentle and caring and adoring man is going to be a widower". What will they do without me??? We are a very close knit family. We function as a unit. Our 22 and 25 year old sons call us many times a day (not so much to me these days) and ask for advice about everything. Who will give them advice when I'm gone and my husband will be so devastated.
Even if I'm around for a few years with this depression and uncontrollabe anxiety how will I guide them? Who will plan their wedding? Give them advise with their children?
I was dx in April with Stage 3 Ovarian and since then all I can do is think about how this will kill me. I'm on antidepressants and sedatives. I've seen a psycatrist, I've been to support groups, I'm now doing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) with a therapist (have any of you heard of this therapy?). BUT nothing seems to work. I'm depressed and sad all the times PLUS I'm going in for surgery December 1st and that scares the heck out of me. I'm a mess.