stage 4 & husband of 25 years left me

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nancr
nancr Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am so disappointed, shocked, hurt and angry that my husband of 25 years would do this to me. I am seeing a shrink and am on meds but feel like my whole world is falling apart. I have no other family here and kids have left for college. I really feel alone. Has anyone experienced this?

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  • wimpy
    wimpy Member Posts: 58
    #2
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    I am SOOOO sorry. I can't think of anything that would be more hurtful or less deserved when you are so vulnerable. I have heard from other women that they have had this happen (sometimes when they still had small children to look after). There is no accounting for inconsiderate, selfish jerks; I am just sorry that you were married to one. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
  • lindatn
    lindatn Member Posts: 229
    #3
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    He may decide to come back, my husband of 38 years when I was in chemo made a dozen calls and wrote letters to a old girl friend he hadn't seen in nearly 40 years. We have had a good marriage and I was so shocked when he told me he was back in touch with this woman who lived a thousand miles away.. He was just so stressed out he wanted to go back to being a teenager. Kind of stupid way to handle stress but maybe your husband will come to his senses soon, on the other hand you may be so hurt you never want to see him again. Life just seems to be too difficult at times but we are much stronger then we think. Lean on your friends and call up God often. you are in my prayers. Linda
  • epgnyc
    epgnyc Member Posts: 137
    #4
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    I feel so badly for you. As if you didn't have enough on your plate fighting breast cancer. A close friend of mine had her husband leave her, literally on her first day of chemo. She was left all alone with her 10-year old daughter and a hectic business to run. It's hard to imagine the callous hurtfulness of someone you've spent so many years with running away at a time like this. I know this is a very tough time for you, but you're doing all the right things by getting help during these difficult days. Hang in there - my friend persevered and today is much happier without her cowardly ex-husband. You're in my thoughts.
  • scribstress
    scribstress Member Posts: 1
    #5
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    I'm in my 5th year of remission and my husband has announced he's "done' with our relationship. He wasn't there for me when I was sick and recently has been behaving like a teenager. What is wrong with these guys? I'm sorry for your loss nancr. your not alone we're all here for you.
  • AuntBarbou
    AuntBarbou Member Posts: 2
    #6
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    God grant you peace ...as He did me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told by my husband of 32 years that he didn't love me and hadn't for a long time. He was in love with another woman. I, like you, thought my world had ended. Throughout my house I placed the Serenity Prayer & read it several times a day. It was difficult but that was 8 years ago. If you want to talk I will send you my e mail. I understand your hurt, pain & disappointment.
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #7
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    Unfortunately things never work how we would like them or so it seems. My experience has been there are few husbands that can think of others other than themselves and having to deal with a sick wife is too much for them to bear. Men don't know how to cope in allot of situations and the posibility of death changes them. Women have learned coping skills that most men just do not have. I am hoping this changes with the next generation since most are raised by their mothers and have more compassion and emotion than their fathers. I think I am seeing some of it now with my son but not in the ways I would like yet. I still am so full of admiration when I see men that are so into others and especially their wives and children, something that gives me plenty of hope.
    Be good to yourself always and things do work out for a reason,
    Hang in there,
    Tara
  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    #8
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    Everytime that I see this, It shocks me and takes my breath. Then, it pisses me off so badly that I want to start a "beat that guys ****" club and take a road trip. I am sorry.....sososososo sorry.

    I have dealt with the pain of a husbands infidelity, and being told that I was not loved and I had four small children and had not worked for 12 years. That KILLED me. But, to hear this on top of a diagnosis that is scary, and when you need support? I am sorry, that person deserves the worst in life.

    Fortunately, my husband of 34 years, who I found seeing this same b**ch three times in our marriage, the last time in 1998, went through a huge change when caught in 98. He really had a break down over it, I think. The two times after the first time when I caught them, it was only phone conversations according to him, but, who knows. When I was dx in Jan of 04, he has been the best, strongest, most helpful partner imaginable. So, I found a balance in my forgiveness.

    Gog bless you, and keep you and comfort you. I hope that you have great friends and family there to hold you when you need it or to help you break dishes when you need it (go to an outlet and get some seconds for next to nothing, or eggs work well too).

    I am just so sorry. Jan
  • PartyTarte
    PartyTarte Member Posts: 1
    #9
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    Well, your husband is an ****. That being said, I am so sorry you've been treated so badly. Mine left me right before my last chemo; for another woman. I thought I would not recover from the disease or the pain of the lies, but I recovered from both. At times, when I felt I couldn't hold up my head one more minute the thing that got me through was pure and simple...Revenge. I got better and then I got even. It happens to a lot of people, but it still sucks. He is a weak, small person. The people who truely love you will not desert you, hold them close.
  • kbentley
    kbentley Member Posts: 1
    #10
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    PartyTarte said:

    Well, your husband is an ****. That being said, I am so sorry you've been treated so badly. Mine left me right before my last chemo; for another woman. I thought I would not recover from the disease or the pain of the lies, but I recovered from both. At times, when I felt I couldn't hold up my head one more minute the thing that got me through was pure and simple...Revenge. I got better and then I got even. It happens to a lot of people, but it still sucks. He is a weak, small person. The people who truely love you will not desert you, hold them close.

    PartyTarte,
    You said you got better; then got "revenge" by getting even. How did you get the strength and what did you do? Give us some advice. You are the strong one. I'm in the same position with the husband that ran away.

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