Jun 29, 2005 - 7:20 pm
In my short twenty years, my father has been a rock for me. A steady strong caring father ready to do anything to help his children grow. I am the oldest of four, one of two sons and my hero is dying from prostate cancer. Like every challenge he met and faced in his life, his fighting and pushing his way through. He takes the weekly lab reports on the chin, he grits his teeth and smiles when I know, I see the pain he is in. I am a chronic realist, and a worrier. I think about the future as much as I do the present, and what I see scares me. I'm worried about the money situation, I am worried about my mothers mentla health, my relationship with her. I am concerned about how my 12 year old sisters are going to grow up. I want him to be there when I graduate from college, when I get married (sometime)I want to ask him quesions. I want to be able to pick up the phone just to talk with. But that will only be possible for a short (how long???) time. every moment I spend with him, I try to live IN it, but I can't help but think of every possible thing I could want to ask him, that I will need to know... How do you do that? How do you let your Dad go, when you have so much more you need from him... How do you look at him and keep from crying because the picture you keep seeing is a sunny day not so long ago when he coached your soccer team?....... Wow.... I didn't realize I've felt this way and haven't cried about it in a few days.... thanks for listening...