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Learning to cope with it all?

roenray
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2005

My husband had a grandmal 2 years ago and they found a slow growing astrocytoma he went through surgery but they could not get it all and then radiation for 25 visits, he is hanging in there we were told it will get worse and if they give him 6 years they feel they have done their job. He continues to have partial seizures, he gets confused very easy, and struggles everyday with fatigue and trying to do the things he used to be able to do. As his wife it is so hard to watch him struggle I just want to take it away and make him well again. He is okay with dying which makes him remarkable. I know am the mother and the father and the worrier and everything else. I am hoping and praying for some support and friendship to help us all cope. I pray for each and everyone of you out there.

PeterAngelo's picture
PeterAngelo
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2005

God Bless you - I have myoblastoma Multiforma - a real bad brain cancer - My wife died three years ago after suffering for 10 years with LUPUS (from breast implants, and a brain aneurism.

I took care of her every minute of those years and would not trade a second of it for anything -
I understand what real love is now and I am glad she isn't here to have to take care of me.

It is easier to be the one dying then to watch someone you love die - the survivors suffer more - at least I think so. The hardest part of my dying is worrying about my kids and grandkids - they will miss me and I know how important it is to have elders to go to - I won't be one - I am 59 now and will be lucky to see 60.

I have told my loved ones not to look at me as if I am already dead and in the box - and don't ask me all the time how I feel -

Being a cancer survivor is much like being in PURGATORY - you are not quite dead but not totally alive either.

It is a time of deep reflection and an opportunity to "make peace" with your past. Isn't that what purgatory is?

I already had a deep appreciation of the majesty and magic of each moment of life before I got the BIG ONE - this just makes it deeper and more real.

I wish your husband the best - you can help, and I'm sure you do.

I wish you the best too -

I have few regrets other than ever leaving her alone for one precious second - as much for me as for her -

Do I cope with her loss - NO

Does it get easier (it's been 3 years)- NO

Do I think my brain cancer may be a result of the deep grief and horror of watching her die in my arms? - YES

Is life fair - NO

Is there a moral? - YES

What - PARTY ON !!!!!

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