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When hope is gone

Posts: 4
Joined: Mar 2005

My friend was diagnosed with an oligodendroglioma in the fall of 2003. She underwent surgery and a year of chemo. When the year was over, she celebrated by coming to visit me. She was fine. We went dancing. Everything seemed like it was going to be ok.

6-8 weeks later, the tumor had started to grow again. I went to visit her last month, and the tumor had grown and spread so quickly in the 3 months since the MRI that her whole right side was paralyzed, she'd lost the vision in her right eye, and was sometimes unable to string a sentence together. But they were about to start her on a new chemo treatment, her 4th since 2003, and we hoped that it would do what the other treatments did not.

I was supposed to visit her again this coming weekend, but my trip has been canceled. She isn't well enough to see people. She can no longer speak much at all, and sleeps 18 hours a day. It is obvious that not only is the chemo not working, but that there is not much time left. She just turned 23 this past November.

She is perhaps the most amazing person I have ever known, and I will never hear her voice again. I want to have hope and believe that somehow she will make it, but I don't. The best I can do is pray that the end be as painless and merciful as possible.

I don't know how to accept this. I'm sad and depressed, and I'm angry. Part of me is screaming inside, because none of this makes any sense. I don't know how cope with this.

Posts: 1561
Joined: May 2006

I am so sorry. I can't imagine watching a friend slip away so fast. Just know that it is not over until it is over. God could still have a miracle for her. And if not, all things will work together for good. You may not even see it yourself, but judging by the way you talk about her she has already touched many lives. I know that this is all easier said than believed. You have every right to be sad and angry even. I will pray for hope no matter what the outcome. Bless you for mentioning her to us.

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2004

You are going thru such a bad time and being away from your friend has made it worse for you both. She may have come to peace with what was happenig to her and couldn't tell you or share her other emotions with you. Also being apart you didn't share friends, church families, etc, who can be such a help in these tough times. My new husband died in Nov, we went thru all the "stages" but were together to talk and help each other. Now I seek help thru my church family, Hospice,(who send me information on recovery from grief,etc) my far away family,and I have had a psycologist. May I recommend you seek help, find others who are suffering as you are. Don't do this alone. These things don't "make sence", they are given to us by God to build our faith in Him. Look into the faith aspect of this human being life we live. My prayers go out to you, may you come to peace as your friend, if she knew Jesus as her Lord, rests in peace.

Posts: 17
Joined: May 2003

iam so sorry about your friend......such a young person for God to take. I know the feeling you have of being sad and depressed i lost a friend 4 years ago at the age of 38. right after i had been DX's with the same Breast Cancer. What made me feel better was to say Goodbye to her and tell her it was OK to let go. just because she can't speak anymore doesn't mean she wouldn't be able to hear you. you need to say goodbye so you know in your heart she will be alright in heaven and i am sure she will be your guardian Angel. Even if you just send a tape they can play for her. To say goodbye i think would make you feel better.
Many hugs for you

Posts: 4
Joined: Mar 2005

My friend passed away last week, quietly and without pain.

Thank you all for your words of support. It is a comfort to know that there are others who understand the pain of saying goodbye to someone you love.

Posts: 1561
Joined: May 2006

My best friend died several years ago from breast cancer and now my sister-in-law has it. I understand your pain and sorrow and anger. It makes no sense how it seems the most wonderful people suffer and sometimes die. I keep holding to the belief that while our loved ones lives were not as long as we would choose, they were enough to touch us. As our own lives touch others. There are lessons to be learned: life is precious, loved ones are precious. Waste not a moment to show and tell someone how very special they are. Our hearts will always have an empty place where once joy resided. But our minds will never be empty because they hold the memories of the laughter and smiles and special moments shared. God bless you. Please pray for our family as I will pray for you.

Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2005

I lost my father january 2004. So father's day will totally suck this year. All you can do is pray that in time you will make heads or tales of this aweful situation. Your friend needs you now and I found that writing a letter of all the anger/sadness/ect... can turn into the best therapy for you. I wrote my father a letter the day after his death and it helped me get through hard times. It is helping me right now get over this weekend. Even if you never send it, it can always be beneficial to get everything on the table for you, not for anyone else. Give yourself 1 year after her passing to go through all the emotions... it was the best advice anyone ever gave me. Cherish the memories, and you are in my prayers

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