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Goodbye

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Susan(schmurciakova)- I want to apologize for maybe being too harsh in my previous post under the question for Emily, but noone knows what another is going through. I believe that each person has to decide what the right treatment is for them, and go with it. For me, it the chemo route and surgery again. For someone else, it is something different. We must deal with the beast in our own way and if I have posted negative things and it seems to be one thing after another with me, I am sorry. I will find another place to post. Sorry to all my friends that have been here for me. Maybe, I'm too sensitive. But...this is right for me now. Maybe, I need a break and maybe you need one from me. If I've ever offended anyone here, I am truly sorry. If I have come across as whining, I am sorry too, Love you all and will miss you.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

alihamilton's picture
alihamilton
Posts: 344
Joined: Jan 2004

Hey, Judy....do NOT leave us! You have been through and are still going through a really rough time. All the possible things that could have happened, seem to have happened to you. But you are still here and with us and we need you to stay. I think we need to be careful that we do not suggest that you are not trying to get better or that you are not positive enough. I do remember seeing something on television about the onerous responsibility we put on people trying to recover from serious illnesses. What they were saying is that if we keep on about how important it is to have a positive attitude and so on, if the person does not get better, they feel they brought it on themself and therefore feel such a failure. They feel they should have had a more positive attitude. This of course is nonsense. Yes, we should remain hopeful and as optimistic as possible but we are also human and when you go through the lowest moments of your life, who else could ever imagine what it feels like?
This forum is just what we have all been using it for....to vent our fears, our pain, our frustrations. It is easier to express all this to people we do not really know, easier than off loading it all on those around us.
Keep posting, don't give up...you have done amazingly well and shown more strength and determination that many of us could ever muster.

Love, Ali

rejoyous
Posts: 259
Joined: Nov 2004

Judy, I don't want to say goodbye to you. Your posting was one of the first ones I felt brave enough to respond to on this board, and so I've always given you a special thanks in my heart for helping to welcome me into this very dear community.

I appreciated what Ali said about the burden of being "positive" in relation to our health. Everyone around me is always telilng me how happy they are that I'm being positive, and I often feel quite mixed about this. For one thing, I'm NOT always positive. As you said, who could be?

Buit also, I don't want to be only positive. One of the values of this space has been that I've been able to witness many different cancer journeys. I'm someone who prefers to anticipate and prepare, rather than just react to surprises. Seeing how other people handle re-occurances and setbacks has helped me to see how I could potentially do the same. And again, here, you've been part of my facing those truths. I am moved and inspired by watching you keep on fighting.

I would feel terrible if I felt people blamed me for getting cancer or for not doing a good enough job healing myself. We're all doing the best job we can.

If you need a break from us, please go right ahead and do what is best for you. I just wanted you to know that if so, you'll be missed.

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2084
Joined: Dec 2001

Hey Judy!

Please please reconsider leaving here. Really truly please stay. You are an integral part of this board. No matter what you are going through. You are welcome at any time and in any shape.

Having done Traditional Chinese Medicine and Eastern Wholistic approaches to healing my cancer, I think I understand what Susan is trying to say. I truly do not think she was condemning you or your journey and struggles. So let me share this with you. I cannot speak for Susan but maybe this will help to shine the light on where she is coming from.....

In August 2001 I was dx'ed with Stage 3 colon cancer lymph pos zero mets. As you all know by now I declined the chemo and seeked out the wisdom of a Naturopathic Doctor instead. She got me heading in the right direction but I was also looking for a practioner with a more "hands on" approach. I wanted body work done.....acupuncture and massage and lymphatic drainage etc. She and I worked together for 6 months weekly and then bi-weekly.

So in August I was dx'ed with cancer. By February I was hospitalized with pneumonia and in April I broke my foot and was in a cast for 7 weeks hobbling around and very despondent. I felt like I was getting kicked while I was down. I also developed a hernia (incisional). If it weren't one thing it was another. Not to mention that we were in financial straits.

My Traditional Chinese Medicine doc challenged me much in the same way that Susan presented the idea to you.....that I needed to do some more "emotional, spiritual and physical" work because my body was trying to get my attention. Actually what she said was what was I needing from my parents to keep them here by continually having something happen. I got pissed at her --I felt like she was "blaming the victim" in my case....but something subconscious could have been at work.

This is what a wholistic approach is all about---it sees the entire picture and does not fragment the whole into three separate entities of Mind, Body, Spirit like Western Med does. So if our body is sick and keeps getting sicker we need to see if there is an imbalance in the other two catagories or vice versa if our spirits are waning are we physically over excerted or if our minds are trashed are we spiritually absent? Get the picture?

If I am totally out to lunch on this with Susan forgive me....but I just have a hunch she was trying to present this view point. Correct me please if I am wrong.

Judy, you have never offended me ever. (I, on the other hand, most certainly have offended folks on here! haha!)

Again, I ask you to reconsider leaving. A wholistic healing needs all parts to heal...you are a part of these boards. If you need to take a break then take care of yourself and do it, but please do not go feeling chased off of here ok??

peace, emily who takes a break from here every so often herself...but not for long.... :-)

steved
Posts: 836
Joined: Apr 2004

Judy, I think you should reconsider and think about what is best for you at the moment. That is probably to be around people who knwo your struggle and difficulties and who can empathise with your situation. You will need support ove r the time to come and I hope you will accept ours as we are still more than happy to offer it. Tis forum is for people to express their true feelings and yours are as valid as anyon e elses. Many here will have various opinions on different topics and will disagree with each other- that is not a problem. I personally disagree witht those who opt for alternative treatments but that is because I am a doctor- I don;t however see that as a reason to not use this site and help support those who I disagree with about aspects of treatment. We are all here with our own baggage looking for something to help us get through this. This is the right place for you. I hope you stay,
Steve.

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