Jan 15, 2005 - 12:46 pm
i've never posted anything anywhere, but came across this site today. my wife has been fighting cervical cancer for 2.5 years now. they just told her - despite 3 surgeries, aggressive radiation, and aggressive chemo, that it has returned. she has never once complained about her treatments or her situation. she is only 32. the first surgery removed her cervix (and ability to have children). the second her ovaries. the third her bladder, rectum, etc. etc. has not even complained about the urostomy and colostomy. all she has said is that "i just want to survive". now, 3 months after her last surgery, she has been told that the cancer has already returned in multiple places and there are no "cure" options. i am at a loss as to how all this could happen so fast, so quick, and when we are so young. so much she didn't get to experience. i desperately wish we would have had kids so that there would be something of hers i could take care of, watch grow, etc., something living that would retain all the wonderful qualities that she has. we have been so close since even before the cancer that i have really lost that "closeness" with family and friends. she is the only one i can talk to, but i can't let her know how devastated i am b/c that only upsets her more. she is more worried about me than her. we have lived and worked together for the past several years. we have a wonderful marriage and have had wonderful times, but i can't help but feel cheated even though i know we have had it so much better than so many. i am thankful for how lucky i've been, but i can't imagine going on without her. i am not looking for advice, b/c there is truly nothing anyone can say. i am not even sure why i am writing this in the first place. i just think all the time about how much i wish it was me instead of her, or how at a minimum she could have enjoyed, for even a short time, being a mother. the only thing that keeps me going is to be there for her and to make sure that the coming momths are as good as they possibly can be, despite the physical and emotional pain she is in.